www.sitdiary.net/lastchance4sanity - (Last 5 Entries) http://sitdiary.net/lastchance4sanity/ A feed of lastchance4sanitys diary entries on sitDiary. Tue, 23 Jan 2018 21:21:01 CST http://www.sitdiary.net/ Apples Nearest the Tree http://sitdiary.net/lastchance4sanity/?cmd=view_entry&eid=5419 Wed, 10 Jan 2018 0:00:50 CST I have officially purchased my ticket to Chicago.&nbsp;<br>One of my thematic life problems is I always second guess everything. Today I got a little hint as to why. I tell my dad that I'm going to get the ticket. Keep in mind a few weeks ago he was helping me look for one at a good price and said he might use his time share deal to get us a hotel. Then today he says "Are you sure you want to do this without a back up?" and "Are you sure he can't just come here?"<br>A back up? What kind of back up? how exactly does he think I'm going to "hedge my bet" on going to visit this guy? Why is he trying to cast doubt!? It's just his nature and he's where I got it from. And why on earth would he or I want him to come here!? I live in a town notorious for having nothing interesting to do. Why would he spend hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket to come to the town he hated so much he moved? Why would we do this especially when for the same price we can go somewhere interesting, do fun things, and have a holiday weekend?! True, if he came here it would save us money since we wouldn't need a hotel.... but then we'd be in my studio apartment in the ghetto... WHY?!&nbsp;<br>Additionally this is our reuniting trip. We want to have fun and just enjoy ourselves on our own. If he came here- my parents would want us to spend time with them.... not that I'm against that in theory but... I haven't seen the dude in approaching a year, I don't want to SHARE him!&nbsp; His family wants me to go there to his town and we don't want to for the same reason AND he doesn't have his house yet so he's staying with his aunt and uncle who are very conservative so he would have to sleep on the COUCH and I'd sleep in his bed&nbsp;alone.....not really what I had in mind lol.&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>We're going to have so much fun. This kind of trip is why I like this guy in the first place- he does things, he plans things, he takes initiative, he consults with me. He wants to do things.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>I'm nervous, excieted, anxious.... something tends to go wrong so... but this is going to just all go right. http://sitdiary.net/lastchance4sanity/?cmd=view_entry&eid=5419 Sun, 31 Dec 2017 22:22:59 CST He asked me how I feel about a long distance relationship like officially. I told him I never wanted to be in one because it just seems needlessly difficult and painful.... but that also the only person I want to be in a relationship with is him and he&rsquo;s far away so... maybe we should give it a try. I told him the notion terrifies me because if it goes well it can&rsquo;t stay long distance and I now he&rsquo;s not moving back here so it would have to be me to go where he is...&nbsp;<br>My family was mostly supportive except my step brother. He actually found a moment to tell me that everyone else will tell me it&rsquo;s a great idea but it&rsquo;s not it makes everything harder. I will be honest that shook me a little just because he tends to stay out of things and not offer an opinion. When I think about it yeah it&rsquo;s harder than if he were here but I&rsquo;d rather hard than nothing, right!?<br>And yeah would I prefer him closer- yes obviously... but I had missed just talking with this man and I know we won&rsquo;t be apart forever, you know? We had a video call this morning I had actually accidentally called him. After we hung up he texted &ldquo;you look really cute this morning btw&rdquo; I literally hadn&rsquo;t even washed my face yet, no makeup unbrushed hair, PJs... and he says I&rsquo;m cute.&nbsp;<br>I sent him a cake for his birthday and he took it with him to the restaurant with his family which just made me super happy actually. He sent me pictures they were great- he doesn&rsquo;t like taking pictures of himself and even less with big smiles but I just love seeing him smile it&rsquo;s seriously the cutest. Pressure http://sitdiary.net/lastchance4sanity/?cmd=view_entry&eid=5419 Tue, 5 Dec 2017 8:08:07 CST I am 33. I am single.&nbsp;<br>These are two innocuous facts, right? Just data. Just information. But almost every day something happens, someone says something, that reminds me: Your single and your eggs are getting old you're going to die childless and alone.&nbsp;<br>People like to say "It will happen when it's supposed to happen" um... based on what?! Based on all the relationships in existence currently occured at the most ideral appropriate time and the moste ideal approprate way? Because noone&nbsp;has ever died alone and childless before who wanted a family? Yeah, that's what I thought. Sometimes it doesn't&nbsp;happen. Sometimes you die&nbsp;alone. Sometimes your reproductive organs age beyond the point of fertility. These things do&nbsp;happen. Will it happen to me? Yet to be determined, but don't be an idiot.&nbsp;<br>This is a complete shock in my mind because I've always been, up to a few years ago. very firmly of the school that I don't need a man, I don't want children, relationships are nice but not necissary, I'm independent and complete.&nbsp;<br>It's a huge shift, in my actual feeling. There's not a lot changed about the rest of my personality which is problematic. It's problematic because when I say to someone that I am bummed because the guy I have been most interested in has moved out of state when I feel like my career is getting started, they all look at me confused. There's no other option in the other womens mind to just follow the man- go where he goes. What's complicated, Meg, just quit your job and move to Bumfuck, Indiana.<br>Nevermind that I've worked very hard to get to where I am. Nevermind that bailing on my career could cause irreprible career damage...&nbsp;<br>I want to go visit him, I do, I miss him. But... if I go I will want to stay... I will picture all the ways I could make that my home...&nbsp;<br>But will that be living my life or ... just following a man.... but what if just following a man is what will make me happiest...&nbsp;<br>I suck at making the big&nbsp;decisions.&nbsp;&nbsp; http://sitdiary.net/lastchance4sanity/?cmd=view_entry&eid=5419 Fri, 24 Nov 2017 0:00:13 CST What if he was my person?<br>He left. He moved. Before we got "attacted".&nbsp;<br>We were attached but it was too soon to say it.&nbsp;<br>Now he says how he misses me and wishes I'd visit.&nbsp;<br>My heart jumped into my throat as he said...<br>"I should have brought you with me"&nbsp; Is it just me? http://sitdiary.net/lastchance4sanity/?cmd=view_entry&eid=5419 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 23:23:08 CDT Years ago... roughly ten years ago in fact... this site... it died.&nbsp;<br>Not a clear sudden death. It was more like a slow atrophy where the neglect of one user begat the neglect of another.&nbsp;<br>I watched and waited wide eyed and hopeful for a last gasp of life for a time but ultimately I too sought self expression elswhere.&nbsp;<br>In a bout of irony I find the once vibrant roaring fire of a community to have cooled and the smoke has disapated as I return here hoping...&nbsp;<br>Almost 15 years of blogging and what have I to show for it?<br>Two ghost towns.&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;