www.sitdiary.net/shadowsoul - (Last 5 Entries) http://sitdiary.net/shadowsoul/ A feed of shadowsouls diary entries on sitDiary. Tue, 16 Jan 2018 23:23:56 CST http://www.sitdiary.net/ [140] Hello, It's Me http://sitdiary.net/shadowsoul/?cmd=view_entry&eid=24304 Mon, 18 Dec 2017 1:01:04 CST So<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>This semester is almost done. I'm two finals away from it being over. I just want it to end so I can get a good mental rest because it's been pretty taxing. Also stupid anxiety has been surfacing again. I'm tired of it - it in itself is a huge drain on my mental health. I've decided after the holidays pass to go to a doctor and see about getting some help. I'm just so tired of fighting it on my own. I've been trying for over 10 years and it's just too much. I'm much better in some ways but still not where I need to be mentally. Even though my life is pretty good these stupid voices in my head won't leave me alone.<br>I'm also sick so that isn't helping. I caught a cold after Disney World (yeah I went there with family / fiance) and it was getting better ... until it got worse. Apparently it turned into an infection. I'm on antibiotics now. I'm sure most people with anxiety will tell you that when you're sick it just gets worse. Something about your body focusing on healing so your mental defenses are down? Idk. But it's happening.<br>I'm just happy I get to see my Internet friends in 2 weeks. I just hate that I've gained back some of the weight I lost. I was doing so well ugh.<br>I just need to do better. And I can do better.<br>I'm just so tired. [139] Shadows Still Remain http://sitdiary.net/shadowsoul/?cmd=view_entry&eid=24304 Thu, 5 Oct 2017 21:21:46 CDT It's been awhile since I've made an entry. I don't know what to say other than it sucks but it's hard to remember to update here when I have so many things going on in real life all the time.<br>I'm in my second semester of college and it's been pretty good so far. The work is pretty daunting but I'm fighting to keep my perfect GPA.<br>&nbsp;<br>As of yesterday I've moved into what I hope is my permanent living situation - for at least a few years, anyway. I haven't been in a house in a while so it's nice to not be in an apartment anymore. I can blast my music again. Which is really good.<br>I've been working hard on my projects and trying to get them to completion. I am hoping to finish with them by December. Which means a shit ton of baking, two books out, and my TCG ready to be Kickstartered.<br>I've also started talking to a few people from the SC again. It's been really great and I'm glad we're able to talk and let go of the previous BS drama. Probably helps that I've matured and I'm sure they have also. But it's nice.<br>I've been fighting again to get my anxiety in order...which always happens this time of year. You'd think I'd be used to it by now but it just sucks. I wonder if I'll ever be fully rid of it. Probably not, but I gotta have hope. And I refuse to let it stand in my way.<br>&nbsp;<br>I'm going to do great things. [138] Let Our Hearts Bleed http://sitdiary.net/shadowsoul/?cmd=view_entry&eid=24304 Wed, 9 Aug 2017 6:06:05 CDT Hello Diary.<br>I haven't written in quite a while! I know, I'm guilty. Sue me. Okay please not really...I'm sorry ;_;<br>I've been very busy. For starters, as I said before, I got my GED and I have started my first semester of college. It hasn't been too difficult but it hasn't been easy either. It's been interesting.<br>I also went to my bi-yearly vacation and hung out with friends. I made a bunch of new friends and just had a good time...too good of a time, in my opinion. I gained back like 15 lbs which I'm now currently back on track to losing. I couldn't start at the gym immediately because of getting con crud right after which took like two weeks to go away -_- meh.<br>The semester is almost done for me. I submitted my last work and am waiting for the grades. And then I get a month off to do whatever I want. Yay.<br>My birthday is in a week. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'll be the big 25. I still feel the same as I did when I was a teenager, just a bit less naive. I hope that never changes. I don't want to be that dick who forgets what it's like to be young and keep a fresh perspective on things. But anyway, I have a whole week of fun planned out for my birthday so I have a lot to look forward to.<br>I'll end this here. [137] Just Wasn't Stable http://sitdiary.net/shadowsoul/?cmd=view_entry&eid=24304 Thu, 15 Jun 2017 23:23:52 CDT Hey Diary.<br>&nbsp;<br>So rememeber last month when I wasfreaking out about taking my GED and worried I'd fail? Well, I didn't! I got it and I actually passed by a decent margin.<br>&nbsp;<br>I haven't written here since then because the last 30 days have moved by in a blur. I had to do a bunch of stuff to register for school and picking out classes, my degree options, etc. etc. but it's all done and I'm finally, officially a college student ^.^<br>I've also been pushing hard on the weight loss front. I'm almost 70 lbs down. I had to go shopping for new clothes since none of my old ones fit me right anymore. I've gone down almost 6 pants sizes. I used to have to wear a 2X shirt now I'm in a large. I've never felt more confident about myself or my body.<br>Not to mention I've been baking a lot more and actually getting more people who want me to cater their parties. Things have been going rather well for me.<br>I'm moving next month - I hate that I've been forced to do it so often (like 10 times in the past 5 years) but this should be the last time for a while. I'm actually excited, too, because I'll be my first actual time renting a house of our own. Like no family, just us.<br>I have my big trip in 2 weeks to see all my online friends. I wonder how surprised they'll be to see the new me. To be honest, I'm surprised when I look in the mirror.<br>Until next time,<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>!!_// [136] Break Down http://sitdiary.net/shadowsoul/?cmd=view_entry&eid=24304 Thu, 18 May 2017 3:03:23 CDT So I'm posting again - in less than a month. No, it's not a holiday or my birthday. :P<br>&nbsp;<br>I'm hella nervous. Part of my whole year of improvement means I had to make a doctor's appointment to fix a few issues I've had for a while on top of...the appointment to take my GED test. Yup.<br>So of course I'm freaking out and my anxiety is fucking with me. I hate it. I wish I could be normal and not have my own mind try and drive me crazy. -_-<br>&nbsp;<br>I'm just worried because if I fail this test, it'll severely set me back. I need to pass it so I can move forward with my life and be where I need to be. Where I want to be.<br>And I've studied a shit ton. I've taken every practice test and gotten in the 80th percentile (you only need 70th to pass) but I still feel nervous. And I wish I could just not.<br>jivfpvpjvjvoaajofvjopa<br>&nbsp;<br>Wish me luck, I guess.