www.sitdiary.net/wednesday - (Last 5 Entries) http://sitdiary.net/wednesday/ A feed of wednesdays diary entries on sitDiary. Sun, 26 Mar 2017 21:21:32 CDT http://www.sitdiary.net/ 1389 http://sitdiary.net/wednesday/?cmd=view_entry&eid=20955 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 10:10:05 CDT I ate a whole box of girl scout cookies yesterday. &nbsp;Tagalongs. mmm peanut butter.<br>I make snide comments to myself a lot throughout the day, and yell, and complain. <img title="Yell" src="../temp/js/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" /><br>I can like literally watch the sweat pour out of me. &nbsp;For no apparent reason.<br>I know the weather is a lot warmer than it normally is in March, but this much sweat only comes a few days when I'm off the pill.&nbsp;<br>I can't stand the feel of my skin, the sweat.<br>I can't let any body part touch any other part of my body because of contact of skin.<br>Keep my hands apart, keep material between my thighs, don't put my arms down, dont bend your elbows. &nbsp;<br>I can't stand the smell of me either because of the sweat.<br>I just want to go home and scrub myself raw.&nbsp;<br>Peel all my clothes off and wash them immediately. &nbsp;As if that would stop the sweating for the night.<br>I can drink a lot of water when I'm off the pill though. &nbsp;Between the blood loss and the sweat, I can down any drink. &nbsp;Even pop.<br>Oh how I long to touch my phone screen without my fingers sticking. &nbsp;<br>Oh how I long for a smooth dry swipe or texting conversation.&nbsp;<br>Food, which usually sounds practical, is an absurd idea now.&nbsp;<br>I love artichoke and spinach dip for some reason even though I dislike both those ingredients. &nbsp;<br>So recently the thought of actually eating spinach or artichokes, knowing they're in such dip, makes me sick.&nbsp;<br>There's actually spinach in there! &nbsp;And artichokes! &nbsp;I can taste them individually now. I can smell them in there!<br>And of course, speaking of smell, I can smell -everything- all the time.&nbsp;<br>Which also doesn't help with the food idea.&nbsp;<br>It literally comes in waves, in seconds, "Oh, that sounds good to eat." Five seconds later after a few thoughts and smells roll through my head, "Oh, I am not eating that."&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>And this is only four days off the pill.&nbsp;<br>Imagine if I attempted to get my body to regulate my periods by going off the pill forever.&nbsp;<br>This is juss a precursor, a glimpse of my future if I were to become pregnant. &nbsp;*shudder*<br>&nbsp;<br>Happy Saint Patricks Day!<br>My only green shirt I have that fits me now, and isn't long sleeve to slowly kill me in this heat, is my stick figures with the caption "I didn't hit you. &nbsp;I high-fived your face!"&nbsp;<br>Beauty and the Beast comes out today! &nbsp;I want to go see it so bad.&nbsp;<br>So while you are all out getting drunk and/or partying tonight....&nbsp;<br>I'll be curled up in bed, groaning in pain, watching a movie and eating a tub of cookie dough I acquired for free with a recent pizza purchase (mainly because the pizza suddenly didn't sound good to eat anymore).&nbsp;<br>Don't judge me.<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp; 1388 http://sitdiary.net/wednesday/?cmd=view_entry&eid=20955 Wed, 8 Mar 2017 13:13:38 CST &nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>"Nevertheless, She Persisted"<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>-A Day Without A Woman protest<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp; 1387 http://sitdiary.net/wednesday/?cmd=view_entry&eid=20955 Wed, 1 Mar 2017 16:16:25 CST &nbsp;<br>Jair<br>&nbsp;<br>"Saw you there and I thought<br>Oh my gosh, look at that face<br>You look like my next mistake"&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>"So hey, lets be friends<br>I'm dying to see how this one ends"&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>&nbsp; 1386 http://sitdiary.net/wednesday/?cmd=view_entry&eid=20955 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 15:15:56 CST &nbsp;<br>"You have enemies? &nbsp;Good. &nbsp;That means you stood up for something, sometime in your life."&nbsp;<br>-Winston Churchill&nbsp;<br><br>"Faith is knowing there is an ocean when you can only see the stream."&nbsp;<br><br>"Judge one not by his charms, but by his actions."<br><br>"If you can imagine it, you can acheive it. &nbsp;If you can dream it, you can become it."&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>I've read 4 books so far this month. &nbsp;On my fifth book which I'm sure I'll finish by the end of the month. It only takes a week, okay, less than a week to read like 300-400 pages. Near 2,000 pages read in all within 30 days. &nbsp;Its been awhile since I've read this much.<br>I saw a little girl maybe 7 or 8 at the library the other day stuffing her backpack with books she checked out with her own card. I watched her utilize the library and all of its resources as if she owned the place. &nbsp;I smiled proudly. I used to be like that, well, guess I still am. &nbsp; I remember my library trips throughout elementary school. &nbsp;I remember the "tree house" I read the Junie B. books and the Magic Treehouse books.&nbsp;<br>I want a little girl like that of my own. &nbsp;A child that reads and uses the resources around her to gain knowledge and imagination. &nbsp;Children nowadays don't even know what a library is anymore, and if they do its only for the computers to play on and the DVDs they get for free. &nbsp; Nobody knows about books anymore.&nbsp;<br>I guess I don't have much to say about that since I haven't read an actual physical book in years. &nbsp;I borrow ebooks from the online library and read from my phone or tablet. &nbsp;<br>But still. &nbsp;True readers are a dying breed I feel. &nbsp;The ones that read a how-to book to actually learn instead of going straight to Google or youtube. &nbsp;The ones that continue to read after high school and college even though they are not forced to anymore. &nbsp;The ones that read a favorite classic yearly. &nbsp;The ones with a room designated as their own library in their house. &nbsp;The ones that pass their love of reading on to their children.&nbsp;<br>&nbsp; 1385 http://sitdiary.net/wednesday/?cmd=view_entry&eid=20955 Thu, 9 Feb 2017 12:12:36 CST I got hit on the other day at the store by a black man with his young son in a stroller. &nbsp;<br>He followed me with his son and stroller around the make up section until I was alone in the aisle.&nbsp;<br>He said I was cute. &nbsp;Um, thanks? &nbsp; "Do you think I'm cute, too?"&nbsp;<br>Looking at his maybe 2 year old son in the stroller, "I think he's cuter." &nbsp;<br>He took that as a win as I didn't say no, "He's half mine! 50% of my DNA." &nbsp; He's a genius.&nbsp;<br>He went on with the ever so flattering statement that men for some reason keep using, "If I weren't married with a kid, I'd totally go with you." &nbsp; Yeah, cuz he wasn't already at that point? I wonder if that line actually works for him?&nbsp;<br>It was somewhat flattering. Maybe I still got it.<br>Now, if only I could get that bold attention from men who aren't married.... &nbsp;<br>I have nothing against black or brown people, but they do seem to have some weird pull towards me. And most of them seem to think I'd be a good homewrecker or side piece of action I guess. &nbsp;Somewhat of a backhanded compliement isn't it? Given most of them think I'm not of age or barely of age, being as I look younger than I am, a creepy vibe usually ensues.&nbsp;<br>I think I'm invisible to white men. &nbsp; I've always been "cute" and always will be. &nbsp;Nobody has ever called me beautiful or sexy. &nbsp;Just cute.&nbsp;<br>-----------------------------------------<br>I love Valentines Day. &nbsp;I love the hearts, the pink, the white, some of the red, some of the flowers (the idea in general is dumb), the chocolate, the teddy bears, the giant cards, the love, the dates, the expectation of a man making a plan in which men seem to hate because they know its only the pressures of society and the stores/restaurants capitalizing on their money that make this all a big deal. &nbsp;<br>Granted, these are just ideas I've never really experienced... &nbsp; I guess I like the idea of it?<br>"Do you love me do you want to be my friend<br>And if you do<br>Well then don't be afraid to take me by the hand<br>If you want to<br>I think this is how love goes<br>Check yes or no"<br>-George Strait : Check Yes or No<br>Okay, mostly I like it for the gift giving. My love language. &nbsp;Adding my favorite color in there doesn't hinder either. &nbsp; Arthur found a card that he felt had my name written all over it and bought it and gave it to me like the first week of Feb. &nbsp;Its not hard to shop for me. Aw. &nbsp;He's never really been good with surprises/secrets. &nbsp;I gave my mother a "Hugs and kisses" painted blocks when I saw her on Superbowl Sunday and Braxtons 13th Bday.&nbsp;<br>I'm thinking about giving Natalies fam a heart shaped baked cookie. &nbsp;I have a coupon. &nbsp;I want to make my roommate some chocolate covered strawberries. &nbsp;I might attempt a fruit bouquet also. &nbsp;Ideas I've stolen from the stores that capitalize on V-Day in which I don't have coupons for.&nbsp;<br>So what do I want for Valentines Day? &nbsp;My mother asked. &nbsp;I told her a teddy bear I could hug at night when I go to sleep. &nbsp;Sigh. &nbsp;How sad is that. &nbsp;My Grandma gave me my last teddy bear which I still use, but its been a few years. &nbsp;But its special cuz it was from her.&nbsp;<br>What I really want?<br>I just want human contact; to be touched by a human. &nbsp;(another love language I respond to)<br>It doesn't have to be a male! Doesn't have to be single either, haha.&nbsp;<br>I mean animals are great and usually suffice. &nbsp;I had time with my parents cat over the weekend, but... I realize I haven't actually touched someone else, other than a handshake at church, for months. &nbsp;I realized, recently, every time Grandma hugs me I usually end up hanging on too long. &nbsp;But she lets me. I'm going to miss her smell.&nbsp;<br>A touch on my knee, a scratch on my back, a ridiculously long lasting bear hug, a head-burying in the crook of a neck kind of hug, a lazy hand on the shoulder, a hand through my hair. &nbsp;Something. &nbsp;Anything. &nbsp;Just to make me feel. Feel anything. At all.&nbsp;<br>"When everything feels like the movies, <br>Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive" &nbsp;<br>- Googoo Dolls : Iris<br>This is not the weekend to let me be alone with my thoughts. &nbsp;I could literally lay in bed all day long Saturday.<br>Tuesday, V-Day, I'll probably be at the gym like usual, ironically, the place I dislike most, as I wrestle with my self-image and lack of confidence/hope. #thestruggleisreal&nbsp;<br>Well, that was depressing. &nbsp;Moving on. &nbsp;Good thing I've been reading books lately, occupying my mind. &nbsp;<br>I like the books because they tell of a world with bold and daring males who are interested and actually pursue, while reality falls remarkably flat with such ideas. But its a place I can escape, to dream, to hope, at least. &nbsp;Granted, I've ended up reading sci-fi and fantasy which I'm not too fond of in order to find such romance ideas. &nbsp;I've read about aliens attacking the earth (Richard Yancey), gargoyles and demons (Jennifer Armentrout) magicians and greedy rulers, (the Study series by Maria Snyder), and other worlds with people with unnatural abilities (Veronica Roth and Kristin Cashore). &nbsp;And within all that unbelievable chaos they manage to have a love interest.<br>Wait, so if these characters have to go through all these fantasy, made up events and catastrophes in order to find love, what does that say about my hope at finding love? &nbsp;Fictional, it seems. &nbsp;Unrealistic.&nbsp;<br>At least if I could find a normal fictional love story, like on earth with normal people, with a little bit of controversy/conflict, normal conflicts though, not like aliens or vampires. And without half the book being sex. That would be great. &nbsp;Hence my reading of young adult books. &nbsp;Great, now my desire to read and the only refuge from my own thoughts is dwindling.<br>I just finished a book. &nbsp;I think I'll start another one. Like now.&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;