winter is over and its time to buckle down and get my course work completed. Final deadline is 12 November... uncomfortably close. Yeah so winter was good. Lots of snow and fairly good conditions all around. I ventured up to some skiifields I had never been too before.. namely olympus and dobson. My ski log that I kept says I've been up thirteen times this season. I got my money's worth from my season pass, but I still would have liked to go up more. I'm looking forward to experiencing the canadian-style resorts christmas 2010. I've been accepted into the Otago Polytechnic snowsports instruction course starting in June. I wasn't sure if I would make it or not since they "required" a two year experience log. Apparently the log I provided of this season was adequate. The course is at Cardrona (have never been before) so I'm pretty ramped up for it. The only skifield I have extensively skiied black runs is Porters so hopefully Cardrona won't be much more of a challenge. Which reminds me I really need to go have my skis repaired. I managed to scrape the shit out of the undersides by (very cleverly) skiing over rocks. I have my accomodation more or less sorted for next year. The plan at this point is to live with yvetti, laura and andrew for a few months before packing and moving down to Wanaka... where, if I'm lucky - I'll be able to board with some friends of my parents. Damnit just hurry up and be next year already

yea, well... i'm guna write in here too just to be confusing. It's been an awfully long time now, I would claim that i don't really have the time to write much anymore, but that would be a horrible lie. Sure, I have lots of work to do ALL THE TIME but I also have lots of down time where nothing productive happens. Whatever, get over it. So i say on the other page that I live ina nice new flat.... which is partially true. It was nice when we moved in, but most of my flatmates are pretty damned slack when it comes to cleaning (ie: all but two of them), so it's not quite so nice all the time now. Also, we broke the vacuum cleaner which doesn't help much. Currently I have my eye on the weather, as it's steadily getting colder (hurrah!), I'm hoping this year will bear plenty of (non-icy) snow. I have an insurance policy on my season pass but really it'd just be a pain in the arse to get it refunded. I have a lot of work to do... but its just not happening right now.

christ I want to go skiing so badly! I don't even know if there's snow on the mountains coz i live in town now and i cant see the mountains. grr. *mental note: go drive somewhere tomorrow and look at mountains*

Just reading through my old entries instead of doing my research project, or my literary review, or my several essays... as a matter of fact. Procrastination is is terrible habit yet not one that can be easily broken. I generally rest on the knowledge that I will finally settle down and do some work once things start getting tight - which is terrible of me really, but hey I've gotten this far. Speaking of dis tractability today I was sidetracked by the prospect of the NCRE semester exchange program with Ludwig-Maximillians University in Munich. I've decided that I am going - assuming that I can get my hands on the scholarship/financial assistance they offer. Fingers crossed eh. I got talking to this German dude Philip in one of my lectures who's on an exchange from... somewhere in Germany... and he seemed fairly pleased with the experience of studying overseas. Also I'm going to start tutoring my brother and generally help him out with his yr13 English class - for a modest fee - which should work out alright so long as there isn't too much literature interpretation(honestly I'll bet writers never ever think of half the crap that English teachers do.

Awhile back now I saw a play/production thingamajigg about international coffee trade and how hideously poor coffee farmers in South America are and whatnot. Of course the whole show was presented in a way to make some light of the situation and make it entertaining - and personally having a stunningly attractive South American (or spanish?) woman in the show was entertaining enough for me. But after seeing the show and doing a wee bit of research i find myself a supporter of the whole Fair Trade coffee scheme; good news considering all UCSA cafes at university are now supplied by a Fair Trade company and are thus now all slightly more expensive. Speaking of university I've spent much of the past few days wandering around campus looking for classes which had been rescheduled and/or relocated. It appears that the coordinators in my department have a predilection for changing class details without notifying anyone, even the lecturer herself in one case. Myself I find it odd that my EURO lectures are scattered around campus in a seemingly random (if not sadistic and cruel) fashion, I would have thought that they would be located mostly in one building or section of campus for easy and relaxed transition between classes but noooo no no no no that would be FAR too easy. It's nuts. So far two of my classes are being delivered in thick eastern european accents, which kick ass! Hearing post WWII european and soviet history seems so much more worthwhile with the appropriate accent. [Deep slavic accent] "Today we will be looking at history of GLORIOUS Soviet Union" tehehehehehehe I signed myself up for CUTC (tramping) and Canterbury Snowsports at clubs day Tuesday in anticipation of getting more involved with things and generally having a good time. Skiing especially because its impossible to get better at it unless I go up fairly regularly which I've not had the opportunity to do before b/coz of school/work/family blah blah blah. So hopefully this year will be different coz I've got myself a suitable car AND like-minded people to go with. Um, so yeah. I managed to more or less miss everything that happened during orientation. Not that i didn't WANT to go, more because of moniessss, my lack of. But no worries, there's plenty of free entertainment that can be found.... somewhere.

Lectures have started. I seem to be getting on reasonably well with my parents. I have money/ food in my belly. Job interview tomorrow. Clubs day soon? Everything's alright. Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you But in your dreams whatever they be Dream a little dream of me

Honestly, I fear judgment and rejection by my peers the most. Sometimes i want to tear my chest open and let everyone see me. But that fear is always going to be there. And it feeds on my innards.

Strategies for getting drunk. One, pour gin into glass; two, drink gin; three, repeat 15 times. hah i dont think ive ever written a drunken entry on here before until now anyways. I went to town earlier and hooked up with some random group of people in mickey finns and played pool for a bit. A short red haired girl bought me a beer which was pretty sweet but she creeped me out just a little by pretty much attaching herself to me. but i scored a glowstick so yeah! I wandered away after losing at pool and moseyed about for awhile and eventually caught a taxi home which brings me to now. Now i think i'll hit the hay. so long!

I've never been much into new year resolutions, despite that fact that i seem to make a few every January. This year I'm determined to work harder at uni. I've gotta maintain a B average to get into the honour program. It shouldn't be too difficult but my gpa this year took a nose dive after i failed two of my courses. That's laziness for you. I'm catching a bus at a quarter past seven tomorrow morning to Twizel, mostly because I'm getting fairly sick of being home alone - despite the convenience for having people over - but partially to get out of being called into work this week. Also venturing down to Wanaka later in the week to meet up with my parents and brothers (with any luck ill be able to drive the Beamer ;) ), hopefully the weather will remain cooperative because I wanna catch up on my lack of biscuiting and waterskiing this year. The only catch is that I hafto get from my parents house (in Halswell, i can SEE farmland from the window) to church corner. At the moment it looks like I'm just gonna hafto leave my car outside of zebs, and hopefully it won't be on cinderblocks when i get back. My guitar learningness is happening.... slowly. BUt i can now play the James Bond theme so its all good. I can now die happy. I can honestly think of many more exciting things to do than sit in a bus for 4 hours. sigh

Alrighty so we've finally got the internet sorted out for our flat, after three weeks of dicking around i should say. I’m living with two of my friends John and Yvetti, they’re good people, and it should be a good time living here with them. I would like to say that my summer has consisted of nothing more substantial than pissing around in the sun and hitting the bottle with my mates, but I'd be telling a big dirty lie. No it has mostly been work for me and the sparingly few times that I've had an opportunity to enjoy myself have been rather sad affairs, with people being a major letdown mostly. People change. And I suddenly find myself wondering why I still hang around with them. It’s very difficult to accept the very real possibility that somebody you’ve been good (close? I don’t know) friends with for a couple of years doesn’t really give much of a toss about you either way. Fucking sad? Fucking A! That’s as simple as I can lay it out really You can go hang the reality of it all.

tisn't often that i get excited about things... at least not visibly excited. But just recently i seem to have a plenty of things that i'm looking forward to. Firstly there's my summer course which starts next week, diplomacy and europe or some such thing, and my entire new major subject which i start next year. Then there's the prospect of joining CUTC as well (which is something i'm kicking myself for not doing this year) and buying a set of my own skiis. I'm also on the brink of learning myself a new musical instrument just to keep myself occupied over the summer. People who think i'm dull just aren't looking carefully enough is all.

Hey you I've been pestered into using my ancient livejournal site again by a certain somebody who i now curse to be forever without pie. I guess this means goodbye to unreliable old sitdiary, not that i'll be shedding any tears mind you. It's just a website silly, something to grow tired of and discard... Anyways i'm not going to provide any quick links to this other place. Anyone who is motivated should be able to find it easily enough. Happy Hunting

things are changing so fast. sometimes i just don't want to get out of bed, i certainly don't want to know how terribly i've done in my latest set of exams. You need a certain study/exam ability at university, which is something i do not possess. I suspect I have more of a general-based knowledge, it is certainly hard to keep my mind from wandering. I can do plenty of things but none of them exceptionally well. What springs to mind is this saying - "He's a jack of all trades, but master of none". So that's it then. Call me Jack.

"How was your day?" "A vortex of malaise and dread... whats for dinner?" "Ennui and passive aggressive silence" yummy

So tonight will be night seven in our little flat, and so far I have retained my sanity. Whether this condition was previously fulfilled before I moved in could become a matter of some dispute (considering the cynical nature of my associates); I however, am prepared to accept good things as they come. Despite the arguable retention of an ordered and logical mind I still find myself sadly short of and missing male company (the voices in my head barely count, and besides not all of them are male) – considering I have lived my life with two brothers this is hardly surprising. I for one am not complaining about female companionship, they are fine and lovely, clean (for the most part), intelligent and they smell better, yet they are different. To quote Bob Jones, a favourite author, columnist, businessman of mine, “I grew up awash in sisters, and at an early age noted their fluctuating degrees of insanity and general irrationality. Subsequent years and wide experience have confirmed this to be a standard condition of their species. I hasten to add this insanity is not usually of the dangerous variety although many other experts less moderate than me would possibly quarrel with that liberal outlook” “Now lest readers think that I am about to launch into some sort of misogynic wallow, let me assure them that that is far from the case”. Caleb managed to alleviate it for me somewhat by keeping me company the other night while the girls plus Erin and Yvetti ventured into town. His presence combined with episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: First Contact proved a pleasurable evening of manly goodness. Oh Q you bastard. Why do you – an all-powerful alien sentience – spend all of your time pestering the crew of the Enterprise? I’ve come to suspect that you’re just a jerk. I find my lack of an internet connection the focus of some irritation considering how “wired” I was at home. I found the internet a constant and consistent source of information, random trivia and entertainment and its lack to me is worthy of some lament. Now that I have plenty of spare time in the evenings (time previously spent online for whatever purpose) I have reverted back to reading, yesterday I started on Plato’s Republic and I have every intention of finishing it this time. We can make it a better place When we pray for freedom

UBS store clerk: Do you have one of these 'Valued customer cards'? Ya know 10 purchases gets you free stuff. Me:(cooly) I have a few thousand of those. UBS store clerk: well i'll just write you up another. I reckon i have at least $100 in free books that i haven't claimed yet. I will just as soon as i can find all my damned 'valued customer cards'. And what's with "Valued Customer" anyway? UBS practically rapes all it's customers with it's hideously inflated prices. I mean, $60 for a tiny wee polsci text? I almost expect a giant mechanical raping cylinder to pop up from behind the counter and give me a thorough buggering every time i buy stuff there. With the clerk standing there smiling sweetly while actuating the control levers. Change everything you are And everything you were Your number has been called Fights and battles have begun Revenge will surely come Your hard times are ahead Best, you've got to be the best You've got to change the world And use this chance to be heard Your time is now hurrah for muse!

So does anyone actually enjoy flying? Coz really it's just like being inna bus, but with smaller windows. Airports are designed by madmen. I thoroughly enjoyed the 10minutes i spent in Auckland... running through their terminal building. Each kauri tree looks EXACTLY THE BLOODY SAME AS THE PREVIOUS FIVE TREES YOU WERE FORCED TO WALK TEN MINUTES IN THE RAIN THROUGH RAINFOREST TO SEE! Seventeen degrees is not cold. So quit bitching. Drugs are wonderful for suppressing the common cold. My brother is more of a coffee addict than me... its more than a little disconcerting. Museums are boring. No matter how many of your ancestors have their own displays. You can only look at grainy black and white photographs of the same unsmiling people so many times before you crack. The amount of hatred your family can inspire in you after 7 days together in the car is quite astonishing... actually. Surely the motels expect you to nick the little shampoo bottles? And a towel or two... Not everyone in the North says "ae" or "bro" at the end of their sentences.... No matter how much i was looking forward to it. edit I may not be being completely serious. The holiday was fine really... for those of you who (having known me personally for awhile) still don't know when not to take me seriously.

Just the other day i was shocked and a little amused when my brother stated his belief that carbon dating was false science, and that the earth was a mere 10,000 years old. When i asked him where he had gotten that ludicrous concept from (he's my brother and i love him, but he's not the brightest of sparks, and very impressionable) he said his friend told him so. When i pressed further about this friend of his i found out (surprise surprise) that he is a member of some extreme evangelical church. It doesn't bother me so much that his friend believes this (he is perfectly entitled too after all), but what does bother me is his absolute refusal to hear any argument that contradicts him (does this sound familiar? It should). I hate to think how much damage that poor boys' parents have inflicted on him through years of religious indoctrination - does he think God hates gays, lesbians, jews, muslims and atheists? Its almost like brainwashing but without the sinister government assassination plots and nifty heavy weaponry. I always used to wonder why my parents never introduced me or my brothers to religion. They're were raised as Catholic (dad) and anglican (mum). Now i understand that they have never actively discouraged religion but instead have left us to find our own way. Whether we find our way towards faith or atheism... its up to us to decide. And I love them so much for that. I for one will attend any church that preaches fellowship and compassion, none of that creationist propaganda for me please. I have a brain. As for my brothers friend... He may as well stop believing in electricity. Or oxidation-reduction reactions.. ...Or microwave ovens. For all the good it'll do him.

I managed to fail game theory. Thats what... the third failure of mine so far? Gods i'm pathetic

It dawned on me earlier this evening that i haven't actually physically left the house since Saturday night. That's five days. Five days! Inside studying next to the heat pump. Well, actually i lie... i did dash outside once to open the security gate for the gas delivery man, but that barely counts as i was inside again fairly smartly. I'm glad. It looked rather cold outside this week. Rather cold indeed. Today i also discovered that i have an extra week to study, since i was all muddled up and thought my exams were next Thursday and Saturday when they are in fact the week AFTER that. I don't have to emphasize here how happy i am. I might shout someone a coffee... If anyone has the wits to ask me while this fantastic mood lasts. --- My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad