024
Listening to: Beach Boys : Wouldn't It Be Nice
Feeling: stuffed

Please Let This Night Never End

 

I loved the date!

I can't exactly say it was the best...

But it was the best b/c of who I was with...other than that. I totally screwed it up.

He looked hot. He's hotter with juss a white church shirt tho, but a tux is okay too.

I was pritti. All curls in my hair, blue ribbon in the hair to match the plain blue dress and black sandals. I was pritti! I wore my butterfly necklace Grandma 'O' gave me!

He came to pick me up. He was like crouched down like petting my dog when I walked in and he stood up quickly and his eyes like went big. hah It was hot. Mutti made us take like two pictures in the house. I put my arm around him and like ducked my head. He's big nuff...I can hide behind him...

I gave him the flower thingy I made for him and slightly hinted he didn't hafta wear it. It stayed in between our two seats the rest of the night. He took me to his parents house. They took pictures outside.

We went over to BJ Randalls house and met the other girls. There was five girls...so five boys...which makes 10 of us in a group.

I didn't know like any of the girls...recognized two of the names tho. I didn't know like any of the boys. I dislike strangers. I was like disappointed kinda the whole night b/c I basically wanted my comfort zone, to be with Derek all night, not with a strange crowd I was nervous around. Everyone, I think, noticed I wasn't talking. Derek fit in juss great with the boys.

Then we went to The Coppermill. Eating at a fancy place with a group of strangers...in public...yeah, that's when I lost it. I really didn't mean to. I couldn't help it. I was scared. Then the guilt part came in to make it worse b/c I didn't eat the food I got. He was blunt and said, "I'm paying for that!" Basically he wanted me to eat it. I couldn't eat, talk or anything really. I juss sat there. I felt so bad. I'm such a horrible date. It was sad b/c even the waiter noticed I wasn't eating and seemed to be not..satisfied with my meal. He treated me like a kid. I'm glad b/c that's all I could comprehend at the time. I was jealous b/c Derek fit in so well with the group. We finally left. I was the only one with a doggy box. I had a lil' trouble walkin to the car tho. I clung to Derek. He didn't understand. To him I was just cold. How sad.

As soon as I got in his car I juss let it all loose. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I juss...wanted to let go...and I did. I laid there 'lifeless' as he said while trying to breathe. I remember him asking if I was okay over and over. I remember him asking if there was anything he could do. I think he understood. Every once in awhile I think he touched me..well, like put his hand under my head and tried to move it or around my back to sit me up. It felt so good to juss let go. And I know I never let myself juss...go...unless I'm in a safe place and someone I trust.

I remember feeling soo guilty with this doggy box at my feet. I remember asking if he was mad at me and saying sorry over and over again. I do that alot. It makes me antzy juss talkin' about it, hence the postponing of the writing about the night. I don't remember how it happened or why but I remember squeezing something hard -the whole time-, yeah, his hand. I don't remember loosening my grip or anything.

We were in Smithfield and I realized we weren't going to BJ's and I think I asked where we were going and he said to my house. I like flipped out again b/c I didn't need anything else to feel guilty about. Next thing I knew we were heading to BJ's and feeling a hand on my...wrist and neck? I believe...Then I heard the car speed up and I woke up. He said he sped up b/c he was scared. I only remember hearing the car switch gears and looking over and he like..had kind of a ...smirk on his face? It was kinda evil but it looked cute, but it was obvious he sped up on purpose and seemed to look happy about his decision to do so.

I kept telling him I'd be normal by the time we got to BJ's house. I said we'd juss say we had a lil' detour and show up late. I don't remember any more of the convo. I'm shure I said I was sorry and that I screwed up the date a lot.

I'm sorry but all I wanted was my comfort zone. Juss to be with him! After pulling that stupid stunt I juss wanted to be with him all night...and be normal...and have a fun time! I didn't want the night to end on a note like that! I felt so crappy.

We got to BJ's and they were downstairs playing games and watching TV again. We were waiting until time to go to the dance. I went to the restroom...Derek started playing games. I came back and watched TV. I acted normal, nobody expected a thing. Soon after we started to leave for the dance. Yay, my favorite part. The part where we don't have to stick with a strange group and we can dance!

We went and I saw Natalie and Ryker. Natalie like choked up after seeing me saying I was beautiful. Megan and T.L. were like all over each other. I told T.L. to propose to Megan and gave him her ring. I saw Nate in a pink shirt (ick). Never saw him with his date actually b/c she's so frickin' popular (now he knows how we feel, being ditched b/c of popularity). Yes, the 'original five' going in a group date again together except for one of the five, me.

We danced. He took my hand and led me to the floor once. I couldn't move my arms too much so they stayed like on his nice muscles... He asked if something was wrong. Pff, boys. They did the CottonEye Joe song! Heck yes. I tore off my shoes and went running. Line dances are fun in prom dresses. T.L. told me he'd ask Megan in the dance floor at 10:45. Derek was trying to rush me out the door at like 10:30. I stalled for fifteen minutes. I saw it. I saw Megans reaction. It was kinda cute, considering it was an icky boy purposing to my friend. So then he shoved me out the door. I wanted to stay until the end of the dance. :( He took me back to BJ's...well, we had another detour. We stopped on the hill and saw the temple. Eeee..I was happy afterwards. We were late, again, going to BJ's. We had root beer floats. I hate root beer floats. They played like BS with dice. BJ kicked us out of the house.

It was like 11:30, Derek didn't hafta go home until 1:00AM and I didn't until midnight but I wasn't gonna tell him that. The first question he asked was "Where do we go now". I was like..um..normal ppl go home after a date. hehe I'm so glad he didn't take me home. We drove...and drove...and talked.

I asked him why he asked me out so we'd have two dates in a row. He asked "why else does a guy ask a girl out twice?" I played dumb, "I dunno!" The purpose of asking that question was basically to get him to admitt he liked me. He knew it and avoided it for like an hour and a half. He said to me, "Maybe I don't wanna date anybody else." awww so hot! He even had that affection in his voice an' everything!

I was getting nervous around midnight so I told him if he didn't answer my question he'd hafta take me home. He was blunt yet again and said, "Eventually" and kept driving. We were in Logan...at one point and next thing I knew we were on backroads I didn't know and we ended up like in Benson. It was so weird! I was staring at him for long periods of time trying to get him to talk so I didn't know where we were. It was like 12:30 and I was more scared so I was like "I hafta go pee Derek take me home!" He's like "maybe later". It was getting kinda creepy, but he was prolly scared b/c he didn't wanna answer my question.

We ended up on the road out to Richmond. We passed a police officer that had pulled someone over in the lane closest to them. It was hilarious b/c Derek was saying how embarrassing it'd be to be pulled over tonight (prom night) with your date and you being in a tux and all. Take a guess at what happened next....

We kept travelling and Derek saw his lights like 10 minutes later in the mirror so he pulled over to let the cop pass. The cop didn't pass. I had enuff of panick attacks so I figgered it was Dereks turn to freak out. And it was. :D The cop juss wanted license, registration and asked when the last time he got a citation. The cop said we passed him too close and too fast when he was busy with someone else. *shrugs* Derek was like clawing his glove box trying to find things. Everything in his glove box ended up in my lap. I juss watched him. We juss got a lil' warning. For the next hour I heard every thought he ever had about that incident. He wouldn't get over the shock. But eventually he got over it.

I asked him my question again now that he had his tantrum over being pulled over. Teehee. I'm so kind. He took me...well, attempted to take me home and finally made it after going around the block a couple of times. He obviously didn't want me to go home. By then it was 1:00am. He stopped in the driveway. I didn't move and he basically turned off his car.

We sat in my driveway for the next like 45 minutes. I went to hug him, leaning over the middle console with my seatbelt and all but he like wouldn't let me go really. He eventually asked if I was uncomfortable and made suggestions of taking off my seatbelt as he undid it. Then he made the suggestion of moving the middle console while doing so. I was juss gonna get out of the seatbelt and say bye, next thing I knew his arm was around my waist and pulling me where the middle console was. He's strong. mmm hot. He basically held my hand. I played with his giant hand. oohh hot. He had his other one like on my thigh kinda. eee hot. I kinda leaned my head back near his and we talked. He answered my question basically. Admitting he liked me. Finally. Then I began to ask blunt questions.

"How often do you think of me?"

"Um...how about all the time?"

mmmm even hotter...

It was like 15 to 2Am in the morning. We were both past our curfew. I told him his job was to drag me out of his car. like 10 minutes later he finally did it. We said bye on my doorstep. I went in and confessed all my love to me Mutti who was wide awake on the couch telling me I almost gave her a ...altzer...whadeva. I say heart attack. It was his fault. We got pulled over and he refused to take me home. He knew I'd be able to talk myself out it and he could do the same. :D

I'm soo glad he didnt take me home. I was so glad I got my comfort zone back by the end of the night. I'm so glad the night didn't end with panic attacks. I'm so glad he actually...touched me this time! I'm so glad staying out at 2AM was actually innocent and I trusted myself! I'm so glad he was blunt, and he admitted he likes me! He likes me. eeeeeee! hottness Kirri's like "Of course he likes you! It's obvious! You could barf in a bag and give it to him and he'd put it in his room!" ICK.. Kirri lies.

He uses my excuse about being cold to touch me. Rub my arms, hold my hands like they were delicate eggs. *rolls her eyes* He still has that affection in his eyes tho.

It was a good night.

I must be honest, it wasn't perfect, wasn't what I wanted really. But in the end it all turned out alright. I was satisfied.

At 2 in the morning, I decided the night was okay to end.

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001 - Year 2005
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