Listening to: Dashboard : Hands Down
K, if you thought my Valentines Day (Entry "Perfect Ending")was nice. Wait, until you hear this. K, if you thought my Valentines Day (Entry "Perfect Ending")was nice. Wait, until you hear this.
It's a Friday. Kirri and I had a sleepover. I woke up around 9:30 and went upstairs and ate some cereal. I felt like crap. Looked like it too. I went back down and slept again until 11:30ish. Kirri was still out cold. teehee. Mutti came down and asked me to watch Scott while she went to the store. grr.. I was sick, couldn't stop coughing, prolly waking up Kirri, I juss wanted to cry and now I hadda watch Scott.
I laid on the mattress in the hall and cried. I went upstairs on the couch and cried. It felt good. I went and did laundry and pulled out the couch bed while crying.
I cried because I didn't feel well. I cried because I think Kirris hates me b/c I'm with Derek. I cried b/c I didn't want to watch Scott. I cried b/c I wanted to sleep. I cried b/c I miss Dallin. I cried b/c I wanted Derek to be there...After all he said I could ask him for help for anything...I juss told him I never would...and even tho I was soo desparate for his help today...I never asked him. I simple didn't.
Then Kirri woke up and I told her I was going to put a movie in. We went up and ate cereal, I called Derek and warned him of a) I was sick b) I didnt get sleep and c) me and Kirri were like moody and could easily bite his head off. Needless to say, that took about a 1/2 hour and then we played around, well, ate some more. I attempted to put some contacts in. I only got one in for the rest of the day actually. Kinda feels funny. Finally, we went down to watch the movie Finding Neverland. I think I kinda ruined it for Kirri tho. teehee...I was ornery sheesh.
After the movie we sat around for like I swear 2 hours. Me in my skull boxers and short blue monkey shirt and kirri in her cut-off sweats and bright green "I love dorks" shirt. hehe We fought. We laughed. We played. We did our usual 'drama, drama, drama'. Derek kinda fell asleep on my couch, well, tried. I interrupted that pritti quick. I went and got dressed. Kirri kept saying how she wanted to go home. Derek and I kept laughing at her when she talked to her Mutti on the phone. hehe...
We took Kirri home...eventually....I involuntarily went to Lee's with Derek, then the post office. I got a letter from Dallin so I tried to deciper that the whole time. I miss him. We were in his van the whole time, so he wanted to go back home to see if his car was there yet. He was embarrassed. haha. We decided to put break fluid in his car in the back. I was cold and had to go pee. We went in for a bit so I could go pee, and his toilet ended up kinda flooding. Crazy as it was I ended up having a lil' panic attack over a stupid toilet. hehe. We went out back and put brake fluid in his car. His Vati came home with the car and came out back to play with the dogs. We were out there for about 2 hours I swear. I stood there cold, sick, tired and bored frankly. They decided I should pump the brake while Vati poured it and Derek checked to see if it was working.
Derek soon got frustrated with that and gave up. We went inside and like 5 minutes later he's pushing me out the door again into his car. We went to Kirri's to see if she wanted to go shopping with us.
I wanted to go home. I wanted drugs. I wanted to go pee in familiar surroundings. So we told Kirri we'd be back and interrupted dinner. We ate dinner at my house. We left again. We picked up Kirri, went and dropped off movies, went to Wally World and explored that for awhile. Then we made our way to the Mall (we wanted to look at dresses).
We didn't really make it down to Dillards tho. Derek kepts stopping in stores. He found some shirts at Maurices. He showed me and asked what I thought. I hate him. It was a blue shirt. He looks hot in blue. He was wondering which way it looked betta on him (buttoned or not). I hate him. He looks no matter what he does with that shirt. That's sad when the girls are going shopping and the guy is the one that finds something. He took like an hour trying to decide which shirt he liked best. Kirri and I were juss ornery and moody. The mall was closing so we couldn't look at dresses. We took Kirri home. Drum roll please....
And the point of this entry isshh.....
I couldn't stop coughing and I wanted to spend money. We went to 7-11. We found some skittles that are 'smoothie flavor'. After that we didn't know what to do or where to go. So he went somewhere and parked. I couldn't stop coughing it hurt so bad. We sat and stared into each others eyes for like 15 mins straight. I liked it b/c I didn't cough the whole time, strange. His eyes are gorgeous. Then I told him to take me home so I could drug up. I drugged up in my kitchen and he leaned back against the counter. I thought it was hot. I walked over and straddled the leg he had bent and kinda relaxed and I hugged him. It was comfortable.
Then we ended up back in his car and pulled up in his driveway and turned off the car. heehee. If you haven't noticed we juss like to be in the car, we don't care where. I was feeling better after drugging up so I started playing around in his car. I laid the seat back and laid on it upside down. He went in the back and grabbed my feet and tried to give me a massage. I don't deserve one so I fought it. I tell ya, sometimes I fight the stupidest things. Then he came up front and we talked about our relationship. He wondered what I would feel if we were still together in like 6 months. Not to put a damper on things too quickly I thought it would never happen, prolly wouldn't want it to.
He kept running his hand thru my hair. He loves brushing my hair. Let's face it, he's in love with my hair. And I kept running my fingers over his face mostly on his cheeks. Tender moment there kids lemme tell ya. He wanted to help put me to sleep b/c you can't exactly sleep with a cough so he put my hand kind of on his knee/leg. But we juss talked some more. Talked about the future. I kinda seemed antzy and nervous about this whole future talk, b/c I dont think it would happen or how I'd feel about it but it was mostly b/c I had to go pee really really bad.
So after having to go pee for about a 1/2 hour in his car, I strongly encouraged my going home on time. He took me home and pulled up in my driveway. It was obvious he was thinking..he was feeling something tonight. He juss had that pensive look. I couldn't think that deep b/c I was concentrating on my bladder almost exploding. Yeah, kinda put a damper on that moment there. So of course, he had to pull me close to him after turning off the car. He had to bring up the future subject again. He'd pull my head down on his shoulder so we were like cheek to cheek. I'd pull away for a bit and be right back where I started again. He juss wanted reassurance of the future thing, he wanted to know that I liked him as much as he likes me. I didn't know how to say it. He asked how I felt about it all (for like the 50th time) and I kinda say the phrase, "I'm in love with a boy." Which totally exploded the 'love' word all over that car.
So that's when he finally said the words, the three little words. He said he didnt know for shure before but he knows that he loves me now. Yeah, he looks at this at every angle and takes his time and is super careful with the words he chooses. So admitting that he 'loved' me was juss amazing. I couldn't stop smiling. I wanted to juss give him a smack on the cheek so badly.
I thought about it....a smack on the cheek, on a rainy day, in a car(prolly his favorite place), in my driveway, in the dark and it was the night he admitted he loved me. Ya know, kinda matched up to a good memory. I mean you can't have perfect circumstances. The only thing was that was I sick...I kinda stopped coughing b/c of all the tension that was in the car. (Tension was obvious that one of us wanted to kiss the other, or maybe it was both at once and both knew it) I know he has like OCD, so I didn't think he'd want to be kissed by a sick, coughing girl.
I held off for soo long...I knew, I juss knew that would start a chain reaction. I knew it would be the go ahead for him to kiss me. I didn't know if I wanted to do that. But ...I did.... He was saying such sweet things to me I couldn't help it. It was kind of a good smack tho. I suck at kissing, yes, even on the cheeks, but this one kinda worked.
He gave a lil' laugh. And immediately asked, "If I did that to you what would you do?" I was lost/confused fer a sec b/c I didn't know if he ment kissing on the cheek or lips, even tho I knew very well that it would be lips. I told him I'd smile. Even tho I was already smiling b/c he said he loved me. My head was still on his shoulder, and there was a lil' pause, but he kissed me on the lips and for once it wasn't disgusting b/c it wasn't open mouthed! He kissed me! I was kinda sad I had to like...shove that one at him. I thought it was funny b/c someone was telling me that kissing starts when their faces get closer together...like cheek to cheek and stuff. I gave him an esikmo kiss. I think that's what started the tension of kissing in the car.
So yeah, we kissed. He asked how he did. I said good. We talked but I specifically remember him saying in his tone of voice, "I think I liked that" (I thought it was kinda funny) I was like duh, you were totally into it, we both knew you liked it. I only thought that.
He kissed me like 4 more times. It cool, one minute I was talking and I like juss barely finished my sentence and he kissed me again! It was almost like one of those "shut up and kiss me" type things. But it was more of like the movies the girl running away in the rain and he's yelling "stop! come back here!" and he chases her and grabs her arm and spins her around and kisses her kinda out of force, but of course she's hot and likes it too.
But yeah, he eventually got out of the car and we went to my doorstep and said bye and yes, girls, yes, he did have to -bend over-/down a bit...a little bit! Well, little enuff that it was obvious. He kissed me goodnight. I went in and RAN for the bathroom. I thought it was sad how obvious it was he had to bend over to reach short lil' me. dangit! Ryker was right. I hate him! Stupid cow, always making fun of me and Derek.
So everything was my fault. I started the tension in the car with my "eskimo kiss" comment. But the cheek to cheek thing was all his fault even tho we kinda did that a lot before and nothing happened. But then I started the whole kissing thing with my 'cheek smacking' action which I knew would happen and I tried to hold back b/c I didn't know, but then I lost control. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I know it's gonna be kinda awkward from now on hehe. He said he didn't care if he kissed a sick girl.
I really dont know what to think anymore..
I'm like confused...
He really did his homework on me and he really does know what he's talking about. He's not juss speaking on hormones. I think I'm the only one speaking on hormones. I suck.
I getta see him morroww....
He kept focusing on that as he was taking me to the house. He even said that -he'd- call me. hehe
I wonder what's gonna happen then..haha
I betta be feeling better then...
I was kinda excited. No open mouthed. No ickyness. Not really intimidation when kissing cuz we're both like experimenting. And he was pritti good at it...compared to others.
Can you say 'raging hormones'????
P.S. I thought the song went excellent with with happened tonight anndd the feeling of lovesick...I'm like in love..but I'm like literally sick so it's like a two in one thing, get it. Haha..I'm so funny... I made a funny....