Listening to: Evanescence : Everybody's Fool
Drama, Drama, Drama
Naturally, when something good happens, something bad has to happen afterwards right?
And when you're a teenager the bad thing that happens usually has something to do with your parental units correct?
Drama of last night. Derek came over, I invited him to come over and watch Makeover the Home Edition with me. He missed the show tho. He came in his hot blue O'neille shirt. mmm hotness and of course he smelt good. We sat and watched TV. Around 11 o'clock ( I coulda sworn it wasn't 11pm tho) Mutti comes down and kinda rudely tells Derek to go home.
So we go upstairs and I since I'm sick I was saying bye to him at the side door. I hugged him and didn't want to let go. He says, "If you don't let go of me yer Mutti will come in and say, 'Let go of that boy!'" Shure enough Mutti comes in and says "Let go of him!" and blah blah.
So I open the door and hug him again, then Mutti comes over and pulls us apart and shuts the door on Derek as I'm stretching my hand out saying, "My love! My love!" It was kinda funny. I laughed and ran to the front door as Mutti chased me through the kitchen and I opened the door for like two seconds and then it was slammed closed. He of course knew what was happening, Mutti was like tackling me, he seems to think thats funny sometimes.
Mutti locked the door and stood in front of it, not letting me say bye (I admitt for the 50th time) and I don't know what came over me but I started to cry. I'm blaming it on my Autti that came to visit. It juss seemed to painful that he was leaving me. My worst fear.
Since I couldn't open the door to say bye to him I went to the window and with the porch light on I saw him sitting on his car (really really hot position *drool*) I leaned my head against the window with a relief he was still there and cried on the window. He knew I was crying, prolly heard me through the door. I put my hand on the window and cried. He still wouldn't leave so I figgered if I opened the door and waved, saying bye he'd go b/c I told him too. But of course, Mutti wouldn't allow that.
So then she continued to torture me by turning off the porch light so that I couldn't see him anymore. That's when I blew my top off. She knew she didn't really have a reason to juss turn off the light, I turned it back on, and she saw how it upset me so she delibrately turned it off again even after hesitating. That proved to me that she had no reason to do that and was juss being stubborn. I blew my top, and basically hit her. I ran to the side door screaming "I hate you" and crying.
I ran outside and ran down the sidewalk, yes, even past Derek, and I juss kept running in the dark screaming and crying. Well, I was running until I met McKays pine tree and it tackled me to the ground. Scrapped up my face and took my glasses and kinda slammed me to the ground. Derek was behind me and watched me as a branch from a tree took me down to the ground. How embarrassing. I kept saying over and over "find my glasses, help me find my glasses" b/c you can't very well keep running from your Mutti when you cant see. I kept pulling away from him and asking if my Mutti was coming after me. He like shook me like violently and yelled my name. I shut up. He went on and juss talked...about my Mutti and how she loved me and all this crap. I don't really remember it. He finally got my glasses and I calmed down. He talked to be for about 5 minutes. He kept saying stuff like "dont be afraid, there's no reason" and blah blah.
I finally started walking back to the house and I stopped him and made him promise to leave as soon as he got to his car. He really didn't want to. He tried to get me to promise to say all that 'mutti-and-i-love-each-other' crap to me Mutti when I went inside. I wouldn't promise but I got him to promise to leave. I was scared for him for some reason.
I told him to go. He hugged me and kissed me on the sidewalk and he went to his car. He kept trying to stall and stay but I became blunt while crying, "go! Leave me! Just go!" I went and sat down and curled up in a sobbing ball on the sidewalk as he opened his car door. I sobbed harder. Haha, he felt bad and didn't wanna leave me crying so he came back and hugged me on the sidewalk. I was really scared for him and really wanted him to go. He kept telling me not to be scared. He stood up and took off his hot o'neille shirt and put it around me. Then he kissed me like forever long. Got me to shut up I admitt, but it was a lil' long. Then he got up and hesitated at every step. Opening the door...starting the car...pulling out...turning on the lights and he stalled on the road watching me as I buried my head in my knees and cried. So painful.
Vatti came out and told me to come in the house. I did even tho he was like threatening and I had half a mind to be stubborn and run away again. He wanted to talk. I said screw you. He went on blah blah on his tangents. His normal questions of "the adult way or the childish way" (hard or easy way). I cried and sat on the tiolet as Vatti goes on and on.
Yes, I know. Drama, drama, drama. I admitt it was dramatic. WAY too much drama for me and it won't really happen again. (Remember I blame my Aunt for that) Yes, I admitt it was stupid, not necessary and teenage/childish like. But I was NOT the only one at fault there! But of course, the parent units don't wnat to hear that. So I must practice the sentence. It is all my fault. To make them happy. The only reason I was dramatic, was b/c Mutti was being dramatic. I wasn't going to die if I opened the door and waved, telling him to get off his car (even tho it was hot) and go home. I wasn't so deathly ill that Mutti has to take over my life and tell me what I can/cannot do while I'm sick. I'm basically grounded for being sick. I figgered if 2 seconds on the porch would kill me then there's no point in trying to live as I ran outside with no shoes/socks on for like 10 minutes.
I went and cried myself to sleep.
I had a dream I wrote, "I will always love you Derek" in my own blood on the side of his house after Mutti had beaten me almost to the point of death. Interesting....
That would be the first time I admitt openly that I love him.
That's so not all of my feelings on this subject but hey....it's kinda hard to talk about right now.
"I'm in love with a boy..."