Listening to: Eclipse : Lullaby
I'll Cry If I Want To...
Here I am to complain about my Bday plans.
I've been thinking about them for awhile so I figgered I might as well write them down so maybe I won't think about them so much?
I should look up my other journal and see what my thoughts and feelings were for my last Bday. That would be interesting.
I wanted my 17th Bday to be like my 16th instead of the other way around. B/c I think 17 is betta than 16. I've been listening to Christmas music lately. hmm... I'm in so much pain after cleaning, literally the whole house Saturday for 3 hours. Yeah, Mutti, don't tell me I'm lazy! grrr...
Aubree is going to have the funnest BDay. She gets to open her presents and have her family thang today. She got 500 bucks from her grandparents for a car! She went shopping with her Mutti and so she knows everything she's gettin', kind of a bummer but still. She actually gets something? She still has her bros and sistas around to receive presents from, something I lack. Annnndd on her Bday she'll be out on a lil' tour thingy with the Drama ppl! So she gets to be with her...her...FRIENDS...in a hotel on her Bday! Who do I get to be with?! The immature lil' stupid boys in my ward and the Young Women in my old senile leaders BARN. She's going to have the best 16th party ever. I hate her for it! Grrrr and she gets her license like on the 25th and her first date like on her Bday. I remember those days, when you have everything planned out from the time your 16 and on. *sighs*
I want a party....kinda...
But it's not very fun w/o Aubree b/c we've always had our Bday parties together, usually at Kirri's. Last years was the bomb, b/c it was at Kirris and she had her best friend there and I had mine! But now look what we have....My best friends not here....Aubree can't be there...Kirri still prolly doesn't wanna hang out with me b/c I'm with Derek....so maybe Derek will hafta take place of a best friend there for a day....*sniffles* I don't know what to do! I don't want to replace anyone!
We don't even have TIME this week to celebrate my birth. Why bother! Monday is Family Night....yeah, who's gonna hang out with me? Kirri and Derek b/c they don't have work. Tuesday is mutual...I'll be at a Barn with Aubree. *pouts* Wednesday I hafta babysit. Woo woo. Thursday is like the only free day b/c it's a school night and everyone will prolly be working again! I could hang out with Natalie or Megan sometime but hopefully they'll be out somewhere -together-. I hope those two hang out. I have no idea what I'm going to do Friday. And Saturday is a Stake Dance so I'll have a blast doing that. Sunday we getta sing in sacrament and go to the Dance Celebration meeting. Woo woo. That's my week. I want money to go do things, I think I should juss drain my account this week. But nobody'll be free except Derek most of the week. I want to go ice skating.
This weekend...the movie Phantom and Girls Choice was part of my Bday. A Bday gift...to me...from..me.. paid for all of it...and still owe Natalie. *sniffles* So I might as well bring out more cash and go shopping or ice skating. Even pay ppl to come with me if I have to. That'd be sad. Aubree said that we'd have a party together next Saturday. I wonder if that'll happen....
There's no...certain day to celebrate my Bday. I want to skip the barn thing and curl up in a lil' corner and blow on a lil' whistle thingy and say enthusically say, "Woowoo I'm 17! Yay for me!" Or as Kirri said while everyones at YW/YM I should run down the street naked.
I try not to sound so negative...and I think I've done a pritti good job. *smiles weakly* There's no hope. No use. I really don't want anyone to try anything to make it betta b/c it might juss make me cry. I've got my mind set on having a crappy BDay and I'm almost willing to except that. I miss my brother. I'll hang out with Derek like everyday this week. Unless someone else has something they wanna do with me, but then again Derek will prolly hafta come with also. And b/c Derek comes along to everything nobody'll wanna do anything with me...and him...*sighs*
I should juss go to a different persons house each day this week and say, "I'm here to celebrate my Bday with you." woo woo. I wish I could juss hang out at Kirri's if I don't have money to do anything. I'll spend all my money on me since nobody else has money. It kinda sucks not having a job at 17.
On the bright side:
I'm seventeen. The same age as Derek. That makes me feel good inside. I'll go around saying I'm 17, I may not look like it, but take my word for it. I am!
I found my ring. Well, Sister Manning found my duct taped ring. I thought I lost it forever. Now I can remember Levi whom left me w/o saying Bye! *sniffles* But I still have the ring so it's all good. yay.
I've got an idea of which ppl have what type of things planned to do with me on my Bday...
But I doubt they'd happen b/c of no time or their busy or something. So juss...leave me alone! Don't bother spending any money on me any of you! Don't waste your time.
On the Darker side of things:
"Nobody knows where my johnny (DEREK) has gone
But Judy (insert a girls name here) left the same time!
Why was he holding her hand
When he´s supposed to be mine"
"It´s my party and I´ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too, if it happened to you!"
"Play all my records, keep dancing all night
But leave me alone for a while
'til Johnny&Judy (Derek and girl) dancing with (in front of) me
I have no reason to smile"
"Judy (girl)and johnny(derek) just walked through that door
But like a queen with her king
Oh, what a birthday surprise
Judy´s wearing his ring"
"It´s my party, and I´ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you!!"
*bitterly drinks some pop while thinking negative thoughts and sniffles at her patheticness if thats even a word* Drama, drama, drama.
I'm mad at Derek b/c he refused to be a Dancer at the Dance Celebration. -_- I'm not speaking to him. hehe...Speaking of drama.
This is so lame.
I'm so pathetic.