Listening to: Kelly Clarkston : Moment Like This
I have come to write down my frustrations.
I find I need my journal a lot around the holidays, esp my Bday. *sighs*
Derek and I were out in my car making out until like 1:30 on a school night (sunday night)in front of Kirri's house even! I was frustrated and needed to go for a drive, to drive crazy like. I wanted to scream. Mutti said, "No you are not taking my car out this late." It was like 10:30, I think 11 might be late. I told her I was going anyway and I went and picked up Kirri. So a frustrated Sara, a peppy Kirri and a pissed off Mutti. I got Derek to go in his car and follow me around. Great combo don't cha think? We sang at the top of our lungs, I screamed, I fumed.
Derek suggested that Kirri drive when we went to the church parking lot. She drove. She turned the wheel and backed up...and kept going..and going. We were like going in circles there for a bit. I was the one looking back while she pushed the gas, then I noticed that Derek was right behind her in her path of going in circles... so I told her to stop. She got the pedals mixed up which usually happens when I tel her to stop and stepped on the gas. Shure, I was scared, didn't act like it tho. Derek was flipping out. She finally found the brake and stopped juss before she hit his car. hehe....Go Kirri! Then she practiced NOT going toward the light on the road. Staying on the road. And attempting to keep the speed limit while singing at the top of her lungs. hehe. She seemed happy. She smiled and got out of the car, "bye guys!" and slammed the door when Derek started to complain about his car almost being hit. :D Once again, go Kirri! Don't take his crap!
Anywayz, that was the adventure for the night. Well, Derek and I were parked out in front of Kirri's house. Derek wouldn't get out of my car. He sat in the back seat. We both needed to be home at 11. I kept telling him but he seriously wouldn't get out of my car. I was even rudely blunt. Stupid cow. Anywayz, we ended up talking all night. Him in the back seat and me up front in the drivers seat (fyi). We talked about the future. We talked about me and my frustrations. We talked about his past...he was attempted to rip up/forget his memories about when he and Emily Staley were a thing. (To be quite honest I didn't know he was with anyone else, I didn't think it was possible!) Then I told him about the whole Nate using me type deal thing to him. He was angry. Emotions were running high in that car ya know. He looks so hot when he's angry or seriously thinking, so that whole night was like a wower. But then it was in the dark and only had the moonlight there to see his face. Sooo hot. But he didn't take too kindly to the Nate and me thingy and I'm really startin' to regret tellin' him that. Yeah, I kinda ended that whole talk by opening my mouth and going on about Kirri and I in a drunken way. So I turned on my car to see what time it was. 1:35am. Derek bolts out of my car and says, "See ya morrow at school if we're still alive!" And we both like peel out getting home. It was freaky. Neither one of us got in trouble tho. Strange.
So yeah, we were both running on like 3 hours of sleep. I was perfectly fine with it. I didn't get a shower Sunday night so I juss threw my greasy hair into two braids. I was alive, awake. I got to school and there's Derek half dead. He asked if I was going to stay at school. Wasn't really planning on leaving .... He said he was gonna go home and go back to bed but he wanted me to sluff with him tho. I told him I was perfectly fine and was staying. So he decided to stay. And that's where the whole Stupid Cow bit started. The only reason he stayed...yeah, me. He could get excused, he's definately more tired than I, he doesn't have anything to do in his classes and it's a short day (get out at noon) so it doesn't really matter. But he stays. After 2nd hour I told him to go away and that I didn't want to see him again. He said ouch and I didn't see him again until noon.
Stupid cow. He got more sleep than me too. He said he didn't hafta work all week too and he was kinda bummed out. Stupid cow, it's the week of my Bday but apparently he wants to work most of the week instead.
Afterwards, I pinned him on the floor at his house and kissed him upside down. I juss had a vision of Spider man run through my head....and he was right there...and I've always wanted to do it....and so I pushed him down and kissed him. hehe....it was hot. Afterwards he says, "But I'm the one that's supposed to but upside down." Honestly...I was so confused...which one of us was 'upside down'?? We both were! Sheesh.
Then he wanted to take me out to eat somewhere instead of eating at one of our houses. -_- Let me get this through to some people. I don't want anyone to spend money on me for any reason esp if it's juss to show that you care about me! I don't care about money! Yes, you can have fun with money! But I don't want him to spend his whole freakin' check on me this week b/c it's my Bday! There's fun things to do w/o having to use money ya know! Done it all my life! That's not how you show you care for someone! Grrr... I told him how I didn't really like being treated like a "princess", yes most of the girls at school would love it and prolly take advantage of the fact he was dishing out money left and right for ya. But I'm not a normal girl! I dont...like that! I don't like it when he opens the door for me, I'm not used to it! He says it's like neccessary. I'm sucking it up juss to make him happy!
So yeah, that started up a whole big agrument between us. He's so hot when he's angry. We were both frustrated with each other b/c we didn't understand each others side but we were both like smiling trying not to laugh as we duked it out. We went to WalMart to get his cuzin some base. Ha ha! I don't have a clue about make up. He finally had to ask for help. We were like arguing about it the whole time. Then he said I reminded him of his cuzin (which was kind of a slam) with the whole money issue so I said ouch and like attempted to storm off and he grabbed my hoody and pulled me back. haha It was rough, but it was hot. He tried to correct his lil' insult but only dug himself a hole.
I got away from him and walked away and he angrily says after me "Yeah, keep walking!" while he asked someone for help. I went to the Hallmark Cards section there and found one with a dog looking' a lil confused on the front and it said, "I'm lost..." And I opened it up and it said, "...without you". I grabbed the card and went over to the make up to find Derek. He walked up and gave it to him and walked away. You should've seen his eyes! Those cards really work to fix some things when you're agruing! It was so cute! He's like "That was very thoughtful". teehee... brownie points for Wednesday. After another insult we avoided each other in the store basically. I went around mumbling under my breath, "Stupid cow" most of the time. After like a 1/2 hour we went to find each other so we could go home...but we couldn't find each other. haha He got 'worried'. pff.
I told him to solve the problem I'd juss do what he wanted me to do juss to make him happy. I'll let him open the door for me and spend money on me. I'll suck it up juss so he doesn't hafta be confused and frustrated about why I don't like it. sheesh. But now he's mad b/c I'm not happy and I'm always put first. *sighs* I wasn't happy before anyways you stupid cow and you knew that! He juss told me to suck it up and get used to it. *sighs* Why can't HE be the one to 'juss get used to it'? He's so blunt when he's frustrated. It's cute. He even says mean things in a mean sarcastic way, but yet it's still cute. Stupid cow. I can't stop saying that.
When we got into Smithfield he asked where we were going. Oy vay. I reminded him he said home...he asked if he should drop me off at home. I didn't wanna, but it's obvious when he suggests it that he wants me to go home. He was juss trying to be nice. He made up the excuse that he had a lot of homework. bull pucky, if he thinks I'm buying into that excuse. He was juss tryin to get rid of me. It's like how it felt with Bryce all over again when he got sick of me.
I ate spaghetti. I took a shower. It felt good. I have discovered 4 more bruises since being with Derek. I have a headache now. I still have math to do. I need a lot more sleep. And I can't stop typing. And this is a huge novel again. This was supposed to be short dangit. Stupid cow. I'm beginning to hate writing in my journal. Huge entries that nobody wants to read anyways. Totally pointless really.
So that was like our first lil' agrument and it was kinda fun. Except it happened right before my Bday. pff. I'm going to bed so maybe I can get more sleep. I don't know what to wear morrow. Pink prolly. I'm not that excited really...but I'm gonna be 17 so it's all good.
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to meee....some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this!
That upside down kiss was hot tho. mm mmm
I mean this is a loving affectionate way, really, I do.