043
Listening to: Dashboard : Am I Missing
Feeling: inadequate

Somethings Missing 

It's a long wait for an answer

Is there any news? Is there any word?

Was there trauma? Or a struggle?

Am I missing? Or was the body found?

Great, I decide to write in my journal when Resa leaves me for like 5 days. *sniffles* I wish I coulda been here when she called.

When I smell my hand, I can smell him.

I miss his smell sooo much.

Megan doesn't seem to mind me and Derek being together so much as Natalie and Ryker. Well, so I heard from her journal, it's totally okay if she gets irked by us tho. I hope she's not juss saying that b/c I read her journal.

I wore a bright orange lava lava today.

I didn't mind it for once, I was wearing a skirt and I didn't care. I didn't pin it or even tie it on, I juss tucked it into my boxers and it stayed the whole day! Surprisingly.

We handed in our story book today. I hope we get a good grade for Bers excellent pictures. I took my test/quiz in English and I wouldn't stop writing. My mind was open! mwhaha. Hope I get a good score. I made Derek go get my 'Awareness Journal' I left in his locker this morning so he was tardy. teehee I'm so cruel. In Seminary today we talked about Joseph Smith. I wanna get my stories out I wrote about him...I wonder where they went. I feel so inspired.

We had like two rivers flowing between the Seminary building and the school. It didn't really start flowing until after 3rd hour. Juss my luck. I had to wade thru it to get to 4th hour. Got my really tall flip flops drenched haha It felt good. Didn't get my lava lava wet tho. But the rest of the school was slippery.

It was hot, during lunch when the bell rang and everyone was trying to get to the cafeteria from the Seminary building, everyone was staring out the windows. Ben Phillips had taken off his shoes and rolled up his pants and started carrying girls across the lil' river so they wouldn't hafta walk thru it. haha So hot. If I wasn't in line I prolly woulda went out there juss to be picked up by him for no reason, pretending to go to the Seminary building. JK. I'd get my head chopped off (shhh don't tell Derek).

So many girls yell out the window at other girls "Oh my gosh you're so lucky you got picked up by Ben!" Oh heavens, I'm not that sickly in love. hehe. Everyone was so distracted in the lunch line it didn't move very much. So we can say we literally went swimming at school today. Ben and Katie O'brian came in soaking wet. They got into a splashing fight. Girls literally went out and dove into the lil' lake we had. Some had wet shirts so of course Ryker wouldn't shut up about that. He looked at Natalie (she had a white shirt) like he had X-ray vision and I was like shocked and Natalie said Derek prolly looked at me like that sometimes too. None of my friends got totally soaked tho. After 5th hour I saw girl literally in their swimming suits running around.

Nate kept poking my fat at lunch. Does he know when to quit? Natalie was pretending to fawn over Ben and what he was doing also and Ryker kinda believed her and said she would prolly be the first one out there. Then she invited Ben over to sit in the booth on her side. Haha...I laughed. Ryker said I told you so. I said I was beginning to get jealous. But it was sweet, reminded me of crossing the Sweet Water River up in WY for the Trek. I really want to find those stories I wrote about Joseph Smith and show them to Larson.

Did I tell you how much I hate the No Child Left Behind Act? I hadda do the work of 3 people again in fourth hour. I hate 'group' projects. It leaves the 'smartest' one doing it all. And worst of all I -hate- math and I suck at it, so therefore I'm not the smart one.

I finally figgered out the stupid table thing in Word using WindowsXP's version. woo woo. Then I gave up. All I hafta do is assignment 18 morrow. Stress.

I came home and complained to me Mutti about my depression. I fell asleep (which is what I seem to do often) and didn't get up until like 6:30. I take like 2 hour naps. I woke up and actually ate a lot. Then I went to the bathroom, put my lava lava on backwards, changed in the car on the way to the Stake Center, sang with like 3 other girls (supposed to be the whole Young Womens there) and the leaders, saw Nate's stepmom there and about threw up (she's kinda hideous looking actually), stole like 2 eclaires (mmm mmm) and drove Jessica home, went over to Natalies, nobody home, went over to Rykers, nobody home, Megans at work, boredom, went for a drive, came back, supposed to do homework, here I am typing about random stupid stuff.

Something is wrong with me.

There is an upset in my 'balancing of emotions.'

I think I get depressed b/c of the never ending cycle. The school, do your stuff there, come home and do nothing until you fall asleep out of boredom, eat, go back to bed and it starts all over again the next day. I think I need a job. And I betta like it otherwise I'm juss making this cycle even longer. Jobs give me so much stress tho, you have no idea. I feel like crying juss thinkin' about it. What's so bad about getting a job anyway? Honestly, get over it Wednesday. Grow up.

So much stress.

Somethings missing in my life.

Somethings bothering me but I don't know what it is.

I needa have a good attitude. Positive.

I wanna go see the play Thriller morrow at the school. Would someone go with me? Of course, the first thing you're gonna ask is "Where's Derek?" well, I won't take that in a rude way and say, "He's working." Then if they have the race still going on Derek ish gonna drag me along with him and Megan. weee! Other than that, don't have anything planned on Saturday. I wanted to go ice skating with Derek. Doesn't look like it's gonna happen. I might as well go alone.

I have like a list of things to do. Go to ShopKo and exchange shirts, gotta go find me a cute shirt. Take all my film to Wally World and some how come up with the money to pay for it to get it back. Go to the bank and empty my account so I can pay for the play Thriller, ice skating with myself and my pictures. Find my Joseph stories, finish all my homework before the weekend. Mutti ish gonna take me to Job Corp morrow I suppose. Since Derek and Kirri art working. Stupid cows. Soo boring...

Mindy emailed and said she might give me 15 bucks b/c I paid to go Miniture Golfing last Saturday for her and Claine and me and Derek. For the Bday celebration, I was the only Bday girl there and I paid for the whole thing. Oy vay. And I might get 15 bucks in return. I needa pay Natalie back. By some NyQuil for Derek. and stuff....money issues...I need a job.

I love power outages, juss b/c I'm not the one that hasta get the power back up.

I don't really love the flooding, but my house ain't the one flooding so I'm good. teehee...I'm so mean.

I love April.

I love the rain.

I love the storms.

I love the sound of rain pitter patter on the ground and roof tops.

Again, another novel in the book of Sara's Adventures. Interesting how I can write a novel about a really boring, bland, uninteresting day eh?

Sorry you had to go through that. I'm so negative, it's depressing.

492 hit(s) Love, me  
Comments
No, I'm not just saying that I like being around you and Derek just cuz you read my journal...I really do like being around you too! Natalie and Ryker are stupid cows!

You guys really don't have ta come to the races if ya don't wanna. I'll understand, but please understand me if I kill Natalie.

And I wasn't at work. I wa helping to barricade my mom's bosses' race shope from being flooded! Ahhh! RUN! It's a flood!
I love youuuu i miss you!
im sorry you weren't there when i called.

i think i'll call now.
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001 - Year 2005
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