057
Listening to: Ryan Cabrera : This Is True
Feeling: leftout

Nothing To Do

 

Yeah, so yesterday.

I spent like 3 hours on the computer doing nothing but playing/organizing my files and pictures. Then putting several collages together of myself, Girl's Choice and then Derek and I after my Mellow Drama.

It was hot. I put pictures into my program and played with them for like 3 hours straight. Then I went to do my book report and the words just poured out. I didn't even have to think much about it, it juss came out and I was done in like minutes. Sheesh. I didn't do anything productive at all yesterday.

There is nothing to do today in class.

I'm sure I'll be back to complain about my boredom in my next boring class.

I getta eat lunch with Megan and do nothing after 3rd hour! weee!

_____________________________________________

May 27th actually...

I juss didn't feel like making a new entry.

I'll prolly add another one for the 27th if I get bored.

So the boy didn't show up to school today. He slept in. He came back from work at like 11:30 and spent the next 2 and 1/2 hours doing a book report. He was so tiredish, even tho he was planning on getting up at 8:30, he slept in until like 10...40...50, something or other. Was eating breakfast at the table today and his Vati came out "What are you doing home?!" haha... then he got a huge lecture on procrastination and responsibility. For some reason I feel he deserves that lecture. Not that it'd do any good. He doesn't do his homework, I'm guessing b/c he was with me the one day he had time. Then he works until all hours of the night, but that would be -his- fault.

Anywayz, all I know is he showed up looking for me after Seminary. I saw him and crossed the lawn, he didn't see me until I was crossing the lawn. He came up and hugged me. I hugged him back and didn't say anything. Then he proceeded to say sorry. I didn't really know what fer. Obviously, he had more important things to do.

It has come to a point where I don't know if it's my own thoughts that come up with these conclusions or if something is telling me these things and how to feel. I never realize until after it's all be resolved and I get an answer, but the answer had already been told to me. But somehow I hafta to hear it outloud from someone elses mouth. You prolly have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Derek, whenever he goes missing, whenever he says he'll be there or he'll call and he doesn't do it on time... I have never been actually worried about it merely b/c something inside me makes an excuse for him.

Like today. He was gone. It was like past 2nd hour and I was gettin' iffy. But something told me he was sleeping in again. He had a rough night. Brush that thought aside. Then afterwards, he tells me the exact same thing. I juss feel like saying, "I knew that." But the excuse is not always "he's sleeping", there's other ones to. Something seems to tell me where he is and why he hasn't showed up or called yet. I juss go with that thought b/c there's nothing else to go with. Then it doesn't occur to me that I already knew it until he tells me from his own mouth. I feel like I don't even have to ask questions anymore.

I may not know where he is exactly but I know he'll return safely. That's the only comfort thing I needa know. So I can't say I've ever been 'worried' about the boy.

I have come to the conclusion that I prolly shouldn't watch The Work and The Glory while my Aunti Flow ish trying to come. In the middle of the movie, I was thought back to when Nate and I had a talk and the things he told me. One of boys' names in the movie was Nathan so it juss reminded me of him. It seemed like I juss realized something about what he said to me.

I always thought he was a good friend, no matter how much Derek dissed on him. I know he's not the best person and has his faults, but that doesn't mean I'm going to shun him. I kinda realized how great he is because of something he said. He said, he had always thought about being gf/bf with me, but he's never done it b/c he thinks we would get into 'trouble' if you know what I mean. I thought about that. Of course, he'd stop himself from being with him to stay away from the temptation and save himself b/c he knew it would juss ruin him and his future if he did do something to me.

But then...on the other...he did it for me. He did it to save me. I didn't know why he was blowing me off so much and so harshly, but now I know. But then again, maybe he was juss thinkin' more about himself being saved, than saving me. In the end his actions of refusing to be with me have saved us both from doing something we'd regret. And for that, I am grateful. He is still my friend and will have an impact on my life. He's not entirely selfish, he wanted to save me too I know it. He knows the difference between right and wrong.

I don't know what to do tonight.

My neck is seriuosly kinked it hurts.

I'll hang out with Derek afterschool today.

He'll go to work...

I'll steal a car from Mutti hopefully.

Go to Cassies house and pretend to be interested and chat with Cassie.

Then after that prolly call (881-9119) Megan on her cell and see where she's at and if she wants me to come. Then I'll hang out with them.

Derek said he'd call me at his lunch break to tell me when he gets off of work tonight. But it'll prolly be -really- late like midnight or later. I wanted to play my lil' prank on him but I don't think it'd happen now. Unless I did it all by myself. *shrugs* So much for that idea.

Derek said he was going to Brigham City for his couzins daughters lil' pinick thingy and his Vati said I could come too. So they'd go in the afternoon ish and not be back for awhile. I getta be with Derek like all day. Whheee...

And next weekend (Thurs, Fri, and Sat) Derek is going on his lil' Preist retreat. That means I can buy that card and give it to him when he gets back or something. hehee cute! I still hafta write that Peices of Me Poem to go with my hair and find out when to give him that name poem I wrote for him too. So many things to give the boy. Prolly doesn't even care.

Minnie Mouse ish coming tonight! With my lil' Braxton man! Wheeee....

Other than that I'll prolly go find Natalie and hang out with her for awhile. I don't know if I'll be home for Dereks call tho. Maybe I should stay home and entertain myself. I feel tired suddenly. I have three like essay/reports due on Tuesday. *shrugs*

There's nothing left to do in school.

There's no point...

What shall I do now?....

I wish I had a waist!

My Resa BETTA call me as soon as she gets in!

475 hit(s) Love, me  
Comments
Yeah, thanks for calling me. I luff you too.
[anonymous (207.200.116.14)]
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001 - Year 2005
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