Listening to: Dashboard Confessionals - Rapid Hope Loss
I get sad a lot
I get sad alot.
I don't feel good inside.
I am tired and sleepy alot.
I am sick and sinuses flare up.
My tummy rumbles alot.
I think it's hungry.
I get stressed alot.
Mommy says I'm depressed.
Mommy says I need to talk to someone.
I don't like to tell people that she said that to me. I pretend she didn't say that.
I pretend I'm okay alot.
I pretend to smile and not be sick or tired alot.
Mommy says I have an attatchment problem.
Mommy says it's not healthy. I don't like it when people leave me. It makes me sad.
Mommy says I need to take care of myself better. Mommy is the only reason I go to school now.
I don't have a job anymore. And I don't know why. It makes me sad.
Missing two days of school kind of stresses me out. I don't have much to do, it seems to be the least of my worries. But it still makes me sad.
My head spins alot. My nose gets stuffed a lot and my head hurts. Being sick makes me sad.
I get tired and want to sleep alot. When I'm depressed and/or sick I like to sleep alot. It makes me sad.
I don't like to do anything. I have no energy, I feel lethargic. Not wanting to do anything makes me sad.
I like to cry a lot. It makes me feel better sometimes. I cry for all the times during the week that I couldn't cry. I only cry at certain times.
I sit and watch scary movies a lot. They give me nightmares. But I keep watching them.
Despite being so stressed I keep procrastinating a lot of stuff b/c I juss dont want to do anything anymore.
I don't care about things anymore.
I don't think others will understand. I don't want them to know. They don't understand. They'll tell me to juss get over it. That makes me sad. Everyone is really self-absorbed right now in their life. I wonder if I was ever so self-absorbed I didn't help a depressed friend when they needed me. That makes me sad.
Am I gonna be like this forever? Will I get energy back to -want- to do things again? I didn't do anything all weekend. I don't have a job anymore so I have nothing to do this week either...nor the next.
I see lots of changes in me...for the worse....when I'm depressed. It makes me sad. I wonder if my period is going to come with my sickness, my many pills, mood changes, etc. (basically anything that would cause a period to come)...besides the fact if it had a schedule it would be here by now...
I stare out in space a lot. I think the boy notices. I wonder what he thinks. It makes me sad.
I can't sleep very much anymore. I think I think too much. I'm always thinking about things I should do but don't want to. I wander around at night and take pills. I have no real feelings while at school anymore. It makes me sad.
I don't read the Book of Mormon as much anymore. It's making a big difference in my life now. I don't have the ambition to read anymore, it makes me sad.
I feel very poetic when I'm depressed. I wrote a poem. I kinda like it. He says he does too. I wonder what his Mutti would think of it. He should share it with her. I even put a picture with it. It's cute. Makes me kinda sad tho. I like to write poetry, its best when I'm sad. Why is that? I wish I could write like this always.
I saw and talked to Wesa today. It made me happier. I wonder if she would care or understand... I think she would. I think she knows exactly how it feels. I wish there was a way we could help each other. I don't know what to do. I heart her and miss her.
I wonder if I need help...or how I'd get it and with who. I don't like to think about it. I think I'll go back to bed now. Things people tell me make me sad alot. I don't like to talk to ppl anymore now. They say sad things.
The power went out this morning. But I was already awake since 3:30 really. I was standing in the doorway. The hall light went out and so did my clock, I saw them both go out. Then they came back on, but went off again. It was creepy. I love this weather. I love the rain and when the power goes out. It made me smile. I wished I could stay in bed forever. Curl up in a ball in the corner and stay there. I wish it was possible to fall off the face of the earth whenever you want. I think it'd be cool.
Goodnight Never Never Land.
Maybe you'll feel better in the morning.
He's not coming is he....
That makes me sad.