My moods are like changing so dramatically!
How is anyone keeping sane around me?!
Esp the boy? The poor kid.
Yesterday was like on the verge of jumping off a cliff. Curling up in a cozy ball on my bed, reading a book and sleeping for the rest of my life. It's that time in life when I said falling off the face of the earth would be cool. Doing nothing, watching nothing, reading nothing, sleeping and ocasionally eating. Yup yup.
Everytime I thought about the boy and I....I literally got sick to my stomach. I don't know why. I'm not saying we're icky or anything, it juss makes me so nervous my stomach wants to get rid of everything. I hated it. I refused to think about the boy as if he were the one causing my stress. That wasn't very nice but I didn't know what else to do! When you think of something that upsets you ...and you dont want to be upset anymore....you stop thinking about that subject right? And when you realize you have to think of that subject soon, you get all upset again! Argh. It was painful, physically and mentally.
I have a 'life changing decision' to make says Mother. I'd rather kill myself then make a decision. If you haven't noticed I'm not rather fond of making my own decisions. I hate change. I hate choices. Too much freedom and responisibility for me.
With this decision either side is -not- going to be happy and I can't please them both. But I'm trying to find a way to please them both. Both views are on both ends of the spectrum. I want to find a happy medium. I don't know who to believe. I don't know what my 'heart' is telling me to do. I juss stopped...functioning and thinking about it. I guess you can say I'm avoiding it. grrr... bad tactic but unless you want suicide/more problems on yer hands....don't push it!
I can't make anybody do anything.
I can only chose for myself. Grr.
My mental....physical...and spiritual are not in balance. So therefore, the whole world is off it's axis in the Wednesday World.
One day I'm deeply depressed and stressed/sick. The next I'm bouncing off the walls hyper and attempting to be positive. Driving even me insane.
I wish Aunti Flow would come so I have an excuse.
Mutti says that I'm going to go talk to someone next week, to make me feel better.
*shrugs* Life moves on...taking it one day at a time.
Everyday I say tomorrow will be better...
Morrow will be better....
Tomorrow will be better....
Tomorrow will be better......