Listening to: Spirit Voices
I'm so different.
I think so differently and act so differently than...pritti much everyone else. I don't attach myself to someone and never give up hope I guess.
Terry said I was assertive. It made me feel like I actually had an opinion and it was okay, that I should stick to my opinion even tho everyone else was thinking differently than I. I like talking to Terry.
Apparently, the only I focus on now a days ish school. Makes sense b/c I'm at school almost 24/7 eh? Can't help but think about it every once in awhile. It's almost relaxing only having one thing to think about and I'm not even stressing about everyday classes, which is nice. I'm actually getting along in those classes well b/c I stay at school so much. It's not the funnest time in my life but it's certainly less stressful. No, right now it's juss the whole sleeping/sick thing for me. I -can't- get sick for another week and a half. It's not possible.
I did great on Tuesday. All by myself. Nobody to tell me things to make me feel sad and no stressful classes or homework. And then an all night rehearshal that I didn't complain to much about. It was nice. I liked that feeling. But it was soon to be crushed.
Friday I go to school and hand in some stuff....not too stressful...then hang out until I go to work around 3:30, pick up my check, work with the football playas (icky) and then go home and go to bed (early hopefully) and get up in the morning to go and do rehearshal pritti much all day Saturday from like 6 to whenever. It's gonna be a long weekend. But I don't think I'm too stressed about it. I mean, I know what's going to happen so nothing unexpected right?
I know all the rehearshals are like a pain in the butt right now but it usually turns out to be worth it when performance week comes around. Next week, we perform in less than a week! Well, at least no more early mornings I suppose. Just a lot of late nights. Oh please, let me get lots of sleep and not get sick. It feels soo weird not having any energy at all anymore. Today was the first time I'd actually fall asleep in class! Of course in 1st hour, and then in 4th hour. I need a nap.
Nate has assigned me to make the 'eggs' which is basically gluing newspaper to a ballon until it's freakin' hard and then popping the ballon. It takes a long time and we need it by Saturday he says. It takes many layers and lots of drying time. I am a manager tho, I have to find time to do that and get lots of pictures for Photo too. He gave me that assignment b/c Wharton got mad at me b/c I basically don't do anything, but Nate covered up for me. It made me sad tho, and it literally ruined my day. I hate it when those small tiny things ruin yer day. I don't know how to stop it, esp when you're too tired to try.
People still say sad things to me, and I feel sad. But then again I'm too tired and busy to really care. I haven't had time to think and that's okay with me. Sleep and be a robot the rest of the day. My goal in life. I haven't had a major stress crisis in the mist of all my worrying about school, it's all internal and don't really notice it. I juss stop the whole thinking process. Gosh, I'm so ornery. How do ppl put up with me? Part of being a robot thru the day means not to talk much. haha Girl drama is so annoying.
It was nice to think about all the good things the boy has, but then realize that he too has faults and makes mistakes. He can even be the kind of person he really hates too I've noticed. It's kinda fun analyzing the boy, but kind of disappointing also. It's my opionion and it's okay to have it. He doesn't have to change my mind about everything and doesn't have to know everything I think about him. I guess. Wow, that was a bunch of gibberish. I don't know what I juss said, but yeah.
I don't smile anymore.
I've haven't been hyper enuff lately juss to brighten someone elses day. Maybe Tuesday. I like to be hyper. I like to make others smile and laugh. I can't do that anymore.
It's okay. Things will change when the Musical is over. A new tri awaits. No more 1010 and no more 1020 and no more photo (even tho it's cool). The only bad part really ish Nutrition and 1050. Things will get better tho.