I think I have fulfilled ALL of my cravings I have ever had within like two or three days. Seriously, I've got to start bleeding, I'm running out of cravings....
I've had pineapple, fire house pizza, ice cream (shake), Jamba Juice, chex mix, jerky, salt and vinegar chips, spaghetti, even alfredo sauce! I have no more comfort foods or random cravings! My period needs to come.
Okay, the boy.
Went on date with boy. Laughed my butt off the whole time with him. He said he doesnt like going in public with me because he claims people give him the "stinkeye" assuming he's a pedifile or something b/c he's with a 'younger' girl. He seriously is stuck on that. He doesn't like it when they assume and treat him like that. So we had to ask the waitress. Oy. She thought we were weird asking her that. See some people don't even think about it, let alone care.
Anyways, he grumbled and thought it about it and said, "If you ever went along with that...I swear..." It was so cute! I couldn't stop laughing. "Oh yes officer, I'm only 16, and I'm here with this adult" etc. Now I have to play along with that just for a prank one day. He'll be so pissed.
Anyways, went to a movie. Made fun of the movie the whole time. He chose it. Next time we're going to Veggie Tales. He's not choosing anymore. We talked some more about futures. He told me what he wanted to 'be' when he grew up...which was more about how much money he wanted to make... but yeah. He definitely wants to be upper class. And here I am, I didn't go into my career for the money. I kind of have a fear of money. Anyways.. He tried to kick me out of his jeep when I got brave and said I needed to talk to him.
Now kids, you have to understand, this is the FIRST time, and I mean absolute first of all the people I have dated, that I have been so blunt to and said what I really thought/felt. I was SO proud of myself. You have no idea how hard it is for me to say how I feel when it might be the opposite of what someone else feels. FIRST time. SO proud.
I basically...gave him an ultimatium. Kinda sucky, but it had to be done. I said that I knew what I wanted in my future and I knew what I'd do to get me there. I said I wanted to go to the temple, and if he couldn't take me there, if he couldn't give me what I wanted...then there wasn't any point of us continuing to date, cuz I'm going to the temple with or without him.
I did say this because I didn't know if he wanted that. I don't know where he is in life on a religious scale. I don't know what he wants, but I know what I want and nobody is going to stop me. I said if yer gonna help me get there, then we can continue together, but if yer gonna try and pull me down, it's gonna be freaky hard but I'm gonna have to ditch you now (which is better than later down the road). I ...made a smart decision! I..I did it! I did something I felt I should do! I wasn't passive! I said it! You can usually walk all over me, but when it comes to the temple, I'm going and nobody is stopping me...cept..me at the moment.
Everyone's been like "If he can't give you what you want now, just leave him now" or something. But I can't...give up on...him when I know he wants that... and he has a chance and he...could change. I don't know.. I just can't..leave him. I need to stay at a distance, but I don't want to give up on him.
Yeah, well that was an accomplishment. I said I wasn't going to do the gf/bf thing until I knew he could give me what I wanted. So we went with the friends thing and he said 'give him time' or let him figure out what he wants to do. That lovely stage in life where you have to figger out if yer going to fence sit the rest of your life or if you're going to choose a side and take ACTION on it.
Needless to say, he hasn't talked to me since then really. I don't know what that means. It's driving me nuts. I mean, if he high tailed - I need to know. If he didn't and really is taking his time - I'd at least like him to...talk to me..or let me know he's alive while he's thinkin about it. I dunno. I'm impatient.
A part of me wants him to high tail it. Then there's another burden I don't really have to deal with, but it's still hard b/c ... I like him. I want to keep dating him. But the other part of me says I don't want him to give up on a dream I -know- he has. He knows the church is true, he knows what he is doing is wrong, he knows he wants that kind of life. He just needs to act on it. But then I feel..inadequate b/c how am I supposed to 'help' someone get to the church when I can't even get my own butt out of bed to church? And even if he did change that doesn't mean that -we- are ment to be together. I mean...Could I really help him? I don't want him to give up on the church, but I don't know if I can handle being a 'crutch' at the same time. GAH!
I wish he'd decide and tell me something!
Either continue with your lifestyle and hope you find some temporal happiness or frickin change yer life around...with me!
Great, now when he does talk to me I don't know what to say.