Listening to: Jack Ingram - Love You
The word of the day is : GAY and/or UGH
Went to Mum's stab-in-the-back doctor visit this morning instead of going to class. Claine came to pick me up. Made him get out of bed. Gay. I had anxiety about all this because a) mother may be right and I do have a sinus infection b) I hate doctors c) it was done behind my back and I'm stubborn and have to act like a brat. Ugh.
I fergot, in Grandmas car, my license (ID) and debit card (money) that I need for the doctor so I screamed loudly in my room in frustration until Grandma came up to see if I was alright. Gay. All I had was a check book and my school ID. Then I got the directions for the freakin' middle of no where. I basically ended up at Adams house in West Jordan on 9000 South. Gay. Man oh man. I just sat in the back of the truck groaning. My stomach was flipping b/c I hate doctors. Gay. My head was still hurting. And I really don't think I have a sinus infection. Just cuz Mum has one, doesnt mean I have one. Gay. Grr. Pointless trip.
I went and spent $30 bucks (co-payment, gay), sat in the room for like 5 minutes waiting for him wondering why am I here. He asked if I had a fever, no. He asked if I was congested, I said I blow my nose every once in awhile cuz it's winter. I said I didnt think it was a sinus infection. He said he didn't think so either (juss cuz I said it, gay) Then I told him I just had a headache for the past two weeks and he came to the brilliant conclusion that I have headaches/migranes and wrote me a prescription for migrane medication -just- because he could. I told him IB profen works just fine, but he still wrote it out just...because. GAY. I don't need another pill to abuse, I'll stick with IB.
I freakin' went to the doctor to have him tell me I'm having headaches. I spent $30 bucks to have someone tell me what I already know! GAY.
I was P.O.ed. I groaned all the way back in the truck. Mum said I could call and yell at her while I was there. I called and she was asleep. Grr. No one to yell at. Claine said I was just stressed b/c of my recent episode(James) and they both said I needed a therapist. Sigh. Grr. Shut up. My stress does NOT usually bring headaches. My stress gives me digestive problems like the flutters I had this morning knowing I was going to a doctor for no reason. I DONT get headaches, esp that bad/long JUST for stress. Did I really go to the doctor because I'm stressed? Yeah, like I can afford a therapist. I thought that's what family is fer...hehe apparently not.
I wanted to fall into depression right there. I was in pain, I spent money on pointless things, I skipped class, I'm still in pain, I have no one to yell at, I'm freakin' stressed...gaahh..
I ate a sandwhich instead and had them take me to the police station. Asked about how to get involved. He asked how old I was. Gay. He gave me the address of the other police station and told me about Explorers. Gay. Gave me a name, Lt. Fred Luis. I realize this little peice of paper could...take me somewhere and I gotta be sure I want to go there. This could be the beginning. Then I had them take me to work. I realized I get all my work done within the two hours that Patsy is there with me, then I'm like bored with Ralphs stuff. Gay.
Still ornery, went home and ate soup, had some of Renee's receipe for her diet. Wasn't..that bad. Ate eclairs. I should've stayed at school and gone to FHE. But I was ornery. Gay. I wanted to type, write, read and watch TV. I typed first for an hour before I couldn't understand the tape anymore. I sat zombie like on my bed staring at the TV the rest of the night. I wanted to go to bed early but I was determined to call Mum and yell at her around 9:30-10pm. I texted meanwhile and watched stupid TV. And finally went to bed at like 11:30 after yelling at me mum and demanding 30 bucks.
While I was on the phone with me Mum James called me. I thought it was Levi or someone. So I called him back at like 11pm, but he was already in bed and I woke up him, again. Everytime I call him I'm waking him up. Poor boy. It made me happy to know that he would still talk to me though. Load off the stress. Which is gay. He shouldn't bring me that much stress. He's just a boy. I was all happy and peppy by the end of the night though. The headache went away.
Then the FEAR began to take hold.
What if, just because I went to the doctor today and nothing was wrong cept a headache, what if all those symptoms described come tomorrow, after I've been to the doctor? What if I'm jinxed, she said it and sent me to a doc, and afterwards it happens? What if she really is right and I just don't know my own body? Then what? What if I have a sinus infection, will they delay taking my wisdom teeth out? Can I live like this?! GAh! Mother! I blame you! If I suddenly have congestion morrow, I'm gonna be pissed.
This song is definetly for me Mother, if you've seen the music video.