Listening to: The Last Goodnight - Pictures of You
Ah, deciding what to wear to church today.
I usually go for red or black.
Or some random bright colored skirt...
I chose. black. with my choker I bought.
It's just a necklace and a dress.
Black shoes and 3 barreled my hair.
I liked it. I felt pritti n' black.
Of course I got a few odd stares.
I sat in my car and ate pizza while my car warmed up so I could make it there and back without stalling. Thus, making me late. The temperature at the school/church was perfect. Not too cold but not too hot.
I didn't feel like doing anything else besides listen. Some speakers really caught and kept my attention. Through out the day I realized how much I stunk like sweaty under the armpits. I felt bad for others around me.
Ran into the bishop after the first meeting and he expressed his desire to talk to me -today- (cuz I didnt want to talk to him the next two weeks cuz I don't know where I'll be those sundays) so I went to talk to Carlos and got a time -today- for a meeting. 3pm.
Sat next to Sierra. Listened to Bethanys lesson - definitely a beginner teacher? I wonder how I'd do at my first teaching job? Guess we wont learn the answer that question for a long time....
During the last lesson I wrote a "letter never sent" to the bishop stating the things I would tell him if I weren't afraid that it would come back to bite me in the butt (as in work against me cuz he sucks at listening).
The bishops wife commented in class about her 15 yr old daughter who passed away in a car accident and doing her daughters temple work. I thought that'd feel...weird doing work for the dead on your own daughter, a daughter that is only 15. It was touching. I thought about writing my mum a "letter never sent" if she ever ended up doing my temple work.
Anyways, after church two girls came up and said 'we were going visiting teaching' and they'd bring me back to the school after for my car. Uh...okay... Who are you? Who are we visiting? Wait, am I the visitee? Gah! I just smiled and nodded and went with the strangers. They were nice. I found out in the prayer that the girl we went to see and I were the ones 'they' were visiting. So I was okay not taking part in the 'teaching' part. Phew.
Came back to the school at like 1:30-2pm so I just went home and had ice cream and pizza for lunch. Mmm. My windsheild wipers had melted to my window so I spent a wee bit o' time trying to pry them off so I could semi wash my windshield covered in stuff from sitting so long. All this still in my black dress and choker. That ice cream was soo good.
I got a phone call while I outside - I didn't understand his name but figgered he was a home teacher of mine. So I called him back before my meeting with the bishop. Slight mistake. I thought it'd be "this is my name and when can I come, okay bye" thing. But oohh no.
His name is Andrew (Andy) something... and he invited me to ..multiple camp outs and get togethers that the young adults were having (not exactly church related activities) Just holiday fun and camping they all enjoy. I smiled and nodded. Then he asked about my one job. Then he decided to tell me about all four of his jobs. I got his current life story. Even through all that we managed to get a time to visit, today at 7:30pm. He said he was old fashioned and wanted to come teach me at home instead of meet at the school or something. Okkaayy. Then he said he'd take me to Ward Prayer... mmk? Thad be cool. Eventually, I had to stop him from talking cuz I had to leave....
Anyways, Grandma came home; I left; story of our lives.
Went to my meeting. Spent most of the time outside the office waiting. Got the same 'broken heart to change the behavior' story. I think I'm getting frustrated with that sentence. I don't think I understand it. Or maybe I do understand it I just can't actually ...get it/feel it. I dunno. I'm frustrated. That made me emotionally upset. It feels like he's just prying for me to say something wrong to say "ah ha! Thats why I keep telling you the same thing all the time, cuz you think like that, you havent changed at all!". Sigh. I feel almost like he's the one that won't let me progress. Grr. Anyways... He's just trying to help, right?
Came home and ate some dinner Grandma and Renee had. I couldn't eat it. I ate carrots, peas from the garden and funeral potatoes. Grandma saw me crying when I was eating dinner I think. She kept trapping me to sit on the couch and listen to her read parts of her book to me. I think she wanted time for me to open up. I eventually snuck off to bed before the home teachers came. I slept like an hour and woke up feeling better, as in not cranky or anything (that doesnt usually happen). I came down and had more ice cream. I played the piano until they came.
From the 'teaching' I got earlier that day - this, this was WAY different. This was like two guys in missionary mode and they brought the Spirit in so quick on a typical subject. Us girls, we just talked about lives, living conditions, school and work schedules and throwing in a scripture in there etc.
With the boys we got on the subject of setting goals and went into the 'teaching' from the actual ensign with the assigned message.
It was ..impressive. Just the fact that it was boys that were..awing me currently made me kinda...cry. And then the fact that for me to be able to deserve or even be able to do that myself seems...so so far away. These boys deserve...so much in life. And there I was hanging on every word as if I hadn't heard it before. I loved that feeling. Anyways, while Andy was speaking I think a tear or two escaped. I hope it didn't scare him. He just has...no idea what that meant to me. And the fact that he said he'd take me to ward prayer also. It's like I had...an assigned friend for a night. :D It just relieved a lot of stress not having to worry about going alone in my car. I feel more...involved in things when someone else takes me. ya know? (Once again I miss the friend supposed to be a girl but still...)
Afterwards, I went to say bye to Grandma and found her on a white bench reading her book in front of her purple lil' garden there on the back fence. It was like...picture PERFECT moment. It just said purity all over it which described her SO well. I wanted a picture so badly. It was like her own heaven. She'd love for heaven to be a beautiful garden.
Anyways.... went to Ward Prayer. I mentioned a line in a song that was stuck in my head but I didn't know the song. It was a hymn so when we got there we both looked it up. I found it first and showed him. It wasn't a real...popular hymn so it was hard to find but it was bugging me SO bad all day. Then of course, as the night progressed he went off with his friends and I was there...listening to conversations and pretending to know ppl and their names. Justin (like the class clown) wanted everyone to come to his house tonight and play games. Andy kept saying how he had class early and wasn't going.
The gist of the night was...well.. Andy basically forgot about me. And I dont know when- but he did decide to go to Justins house at one point. Sigh. This -always- happens to me!
To be continued....
The only reason he even slightly remembered he had brought me was the fact that I was kind of following him around without trying to butt in with all his friends... Its sad to say, but I figgered he'd ditch me eventually. And I frankly didn't want to call him and tell him he forgot me later that night so I kept tabs on him.
Sure enough as he was walking to the parking lot he turned around to see if his friends were following and saw me. Then he brillantly exclaims, "Oh! And I need to take you home!" Sigh. He said he was going to Justins house to play games and he was getting a ride with his other friend...David? He then invited me into someone elses jeep full of boys- if I wanted to stay out later. Sigh.
So me and four boys in a jeep took off at like 9:30pm on Sunday night. Me still in my black dress. No roof, no doors etc. Holding my dress down. Holding my only posession, my phone and hair flying everywhere. It was AWESOME. I felt...alive.
I got to see where Justin lived and concluded I'd never be able to come up here alone due to the giant steep hill my car would never be able to park on. The boys decided to crawl through the bushes to the back window of Justins apartment. Thus...me going in with my dress. Poor Andrew. He tried to accomodate for me after...forgetting about me. We all crowded in his apartment and sat in a circle. We played "What if..." and then.... "I have never ever done..." It was nice. Simple and not SO involved games. Makes you laugh. Apparently Andrew thought him and David would be able to get out of their earlier than normal so they could get some sleep cuz of their early classes. I guess that didn't work out for him? How much sleep does this kid need? We left around 10:30 resulting in everyone else leaving which made Justin mad.
This time I wanted to sit in the back, so I climbed up the back of the jeep and hopped in while in my dress, squished between the boys. (its not as spectular as is sounds - it was Jason - never ending question boy and Jonathon - the geeky thespian) Then Andrew up front and I think this David kid driving. I like the two up front. They were..sane... and tolerable. :D We passed my work and I showed them all my window since we didn't have a roof. I was proud. We sat forever at red lights in downtown. It was cool. Dropped off at the school parking lot again.
Andrew opened my door to his truck, like he had before. The last time I touched my door he kinda groaned. I guess thas a bad thing? Yes, he drives a Ford truck. Why? Why is Sara cursed with the lives of those that own trucks? On the way home we were trying to remember the names of the people we were just with. What a task. Then at my house he specifically said "wait" and then I remembered he liked to open the door. He thanked me and said he enjoys being a gentlman. Mmmk. I don't know why, but for some reason, the whole door thing in general..scares me. I went from 'arm around the shoulders being in second place priority' to 'open the door for her as if first place priority'. So not going to get used to that for awhile. Carlos lectured me on that once.
He walked me to the side door. I was on the porch and he stayed down next to the bars. I checked to make sure the door wasnt locked and turned around to thank him for giving me a ride and maybe even tell him how much it ment to me when he came to my house to teach me today....
but he...was gone. Awkward. Bye to you..to? Mmk.