Listening to: John Mayer - Not Myself
Subconsciously... self conscious.
Does that make sense?
So this divorced father with four kids rides my bus a few times a week and he makes a lot of money at his job. He rides the bus a few times cuz he has the money to get his car fixed in the shop. Anyway, his job something about computer tech and he doesn't even have a degree. And he asks about my job and it makes me feel stupid. Mainly cuz he says that my job doesn't pay enough and he can already do my job cuz he's representing himself in his divorce. (and I have to admit he is good, I've seen his work)
It shouldn't bug me, cuz I'm not one of those business people who only care about money. But it still pricks at my conscious every now and then. Now I want to be full time and get paid for what I'm remotely worth. But who really, in their right mind, would want to work full time if part time paid all their bills? And so what if I'm taking precautions not to be in debt just so I can be out on my own or have nice stuff? Just cuz it may come off as being lazy...
I was totally fine being a lazy bum, work part time, not have debt, not have nice things either, and actually enjoy my job. Now I feel stupid and second guessing everything I've accomplished. Because of a stupid boy. Okay okay, I have to admit he is a very intelligent person, no doubt, but I can't compare myself to him cuz well, thas just super depressing, cuz it's true.
How am I going to be comfortable in my own skin again? After knowing how much he makes compared to not even the 1/4 of that of my income. Being intelligent and how much money you make are two different things right?
I hate those people that can just flow through life with talents built into them.
I thought I was doing good... I had to work my ass off to get to where I am now. And no, it's not much, but it's somewhere.
But I guess there will always be something/someone better...