So pritti much I've decided I shouldn't go into public anymore... I don't want to speak with strangers anymore cuz they always end up SO awkward in the end. Rather not talk to ppl.
I went to Coffee Break last night. I was just writing. And I sneezed. A black guy behind me said bless you or something. And then I moved to the other room. And he followed me. I sat down on a couch and he sat in front of me. And stared. Blink blink. Awkward lil' 10 seconds there. Then he began stuttering at me. Halfway through a sentence he managed to explain the obvious, that he was nervous talkin to me. It seriously felt like I was listening to a 1-2 yr old trying to form words. He wouldn't really finish a sentence or ask a question...so I was just left waiting for the end result.
Then somehow he felt entitled to tell me his life story. Where he lives, where he works, what he does for fun, when/where he goes to school, etc. His name is Ron and he is 26. He apparently likes to work out, go to the gym on his spare time. So all he does is eat, sleep, work, and go to the gym. He only took an interest in what I like to do for fun for a split second.
Then after that all I heard was blah blah blah. Mainly he was sizing me up already for bf/gf material. He described the type of girl he wanted to be with... Mmk...what does that have to do with me? Why do I care? It was awkward cuz it was like skip friends let's just see if you fit my vision of a gf. Annoying. He has quite the ego too. He sat and boasted about himself 80% of the time. Annoying. So I took each opportunity to tear down his ego and he just thought I was being funny. He's a lil' slow.
He was attempting to read the title of the book I was reading. He don't read too good. I asked where he was from and learned he came from Louisiana. I had to giggle. Oh boy. Makes more sense now.
Well, we all know that I'm a mean person right. Ya well, it was quite entertaining talking to him...more so about him, without him knowing... He doesn't get it when I'm making fun of him. He just thinks I have a sense of humor. I sure do. He doesn't understand some the words I use when I'm talking.
He just repeats himself, or me. "I like to work out" "I'm a good guy" "I'd like to do that activity with you" Ends his sentences with a trailing "yea....." Goes back to bragging about how great he is. Is it possible for someones head to explode with too much pride?
It was nice to be with a person that I slightly viewed as being...beneath me. Yes, I said it. I'm shallow. I feel better, smarter than a black male from the swamps of LA. Everyone else I talk to really is super smarter than me and sometimes that gets draining cuz I don't know what they're talking about 80% of the time. Like if they want me to respond they have to say something on my level.
But this time I was the smart one. It was ..relieving.. I felt like I could totally be myself and then some. I could add some confidence, some bossiness. Instead of following others I could lead this time. Of course I feel good doing that with someone I feel is beneath me. My own lil' puppet. And he was so nervous and shy he'd do anything I told him anyway. He asked if I had that effect on everyone... if he only knew...
Anyway... We ended up walking around downtown til like midnight. He got a lil' touchy in the end there. The whole night he managed not to directly ask my number or get another date set up. He just mentioned in passing like 50 times he wanted to hang out with me. Do I give him my number? Do I do this again? It's not really nice what I'm doing now, talking with him just to have a laugh...I don't think I should continue such behavior.
Why can't two strangers have a good night and then move on with life? Why do they have to do it again? Why do they have to date? (I'm not interesting in dating/marriage so this idea didn't sound so great from the beginning) Why do they have to get to know each other more? Why do they have to progress to getting into bed with each other? Why do they have to progress to being bf/gf? Can't you just take in the night they had be done with it? And why do you have to ruin the end of the night with the awkward "do I hug? think I can get a kiss the first night? will she give me her number?" etc.??? It was a nice night, let it be! Agosh!
And if we exchange numbers, can't we just be friends? Do we have to do the exclusive "hang out" which is really dating?? Can't we invite each other to hang out with our friends? Do we have to do activities alone? Despite what he says I know what the innocent "hang out" means. I don't wanna date. I don't wanna sleep with him. I don't wanna be his girl. He's nice. He's cute. He's funny. But I'm not interested in dating in general.
I really had fun with him. He made me laugh, mainly cuz of his lack of knowledge/communication..but hey he made me feel better about myself. I felt like the person I -want- to be. But with that knowledge barrier and prolly a religion barrier...And of course that "other something" he has on his mind...I don't see this going very far.
Oh Oh! For the first time I didn't reject someone because they were black. I honestly didn't mind his color. (it was fun to playfully make fun of) I'm more racist to brown than black, but still, I didn't even really think about it. Maybe I like black ppl.
It was fun.
Let's move on, shall we?
He ended the night by asking my name...