Listening to: Uncle Kracker - Smile
Saturday was self-inflicting pain day for Wednesday apparently.
I was soo not coordinated for some reason. I burnt myself on my pizza pan and I dropped part of my bed frame on my foot, still swollen and the like. I was determined to sleep til like 1pm. Then zombied my way through eating and setting up my bed frame. I don't care what ya'll say, I like this frame. Then I went over Mindys to babysit. Story of my life. Although I don't recall...babysitting... I got on the internet, I talked on the phone, I ate their food. I don't recall children there tho.... heh jk. It don't feel like babysitting, I'm not sure it ever has. Then I went to the store and headed to James' house. After frustrating him thoroughly with over-the-phone directions we watched the Green Mile. I don't see what's so appealing about that movie....
Sunday I sat next to a girl that I... don't really like. She reminds me of that 4 year old Abby girl I used to babysit who just had way too many opinions and I wished all children didn't have any opinions and/or vocal chords. Cuz they sure know how to express them. Annoyingly. I've known about her, obviously, for a while, but it was her first time noticing/meeting me.
Suddenly she started talking to me about what she was the thinking/writing in her journal. She didn't give attention to it by spilling the whole story, she was trying to respectively and vaguely describe a situation she couldn't make a choice about. But as we talked it evenutally all came out. I asked her about certain parts of her life and finally got it. She's dating someone but she doesn't think the relationship will last, but she doesn't want to let go. Story of my life. So I related to her my feelings/experiences and hopes. And the next thing I knew we were both laughing so hard at some of the secrets we were telling a stranger. I haven't laughed like that in a long time. Then she called me a blessing or answer to a prayer, or something like that and went home. What do you say to that? Maybe it was the other way around. You never know.
My eyeballs feel like golfballs. And I swear one side of my face is swelling to the point of being noticiable verses the other side. My sinuses are going to explode. The death of me. I don't need to be beat up. My body can do that to itself all on its own. Ugh.
It seems like the ending of church turns out the same way each Sunday.
God, If I poured my heart out to you or someone else, would it even matter? Would it change anything? Would anyone believe me? Would anyone understand? I think the consequences would be the same whether I said it all or not.