Listening to: Staind - Outside
I feel like I'm unraveling. One simple string has slowly caused a snowball effect on the most ridiculous things.
I moved and then I got sick, the first week taking my throat and this second week taking my nose and my sinuses are killing me and then slowly my period crept up on me b/c my prescription ran out and then I made an appointment for a PAP, but b/c my period showed up with lack of BC I don't think my period will cooperate with me like last year and I didn't know if I should reschedule or just chance it and I didn't know if they'd just give me a prescription or what......*breath* So they called to remind me of my appointment I told them I wasn't sure my period would cooperate, so they rescheduled me and then sent me to the nurse who said she couldn't call in my prescription, obviously cuz I've never seen this doc. I'm just freakin out.
This way I won't be unsure, I won't be sweaty and sensitive and super nervous like last time, and then the test will most definitely get done the right way (unlike last year) and I won't have to do it again and maybe by the next appointment my whole body in general will just feel better. This way I won't have to pay for an appointment that has the risk of not working out or lack of results. Better to be safe than sorry I guess. My body can adjust without BC for a like a week ....or more....right? Just let my period go. Just let my body heal from this sickness. Then when all is calm let the doc/nurse do her thing and get back on BC. I dunnoooo... How bad is it if I jump off the BC track and try and get back on?
Sometimes I -hate- how everything takes -time-. So much time.
Meanwhile, my sinuses are fricking killing me. That smoke in the air from the Camp Williams fire is making my head feel like its going to explode and the wind isn't helping either of us (the fire or me) and it feels like my face is swelling. A big pumpkin. Then I took musinx that mucus stuffs that kicks mucus out of your system throughout 12 hours. So I have my nose running all the time cuz something is letting it just run instead of the stuffy feeling yer supposed to have when you have a cold. A frickin garbage can full of kleenex. Gah!
It's really not that bad as I make it sound, usually sickness comes all at once and knocks you down like a brick, but this seems to come and go so I gather some strength inbetween weak moments. I was just out of commission last week cuz...I kinda chose to. But it hasn't stopped me from my daily obligations by any means.
And there's much to do on my goal list this month but everything keeps getting set back a week or two, like this appointment. I want to go to the gym or join a class and my body is like 'maybe you should get rid of this cold first....' and then my logical head says 'you should make this next months goal' etc.
I totally just jumped off the diving board of life changing events Sept 2 and it seems like I can't stop diving of bridges to continue to change my life, which is great and healthy and fun, but maybe its just going too fast.... There's just so much I want to do, so many habits I want to establish before I go back to my old ways. I want to be a different person! I want to do this all differently! I can't wait or I'll just lose it all! You can always do better, you can always be better, but you cant sit around waiting for it to just happen.
Everything takes TIME. Sometimes time drives me insane!
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
Insert. More Drama.
So I told Natalie that I kept thinking about Adam and James. She decided, not only to look them up, but befriend them (if they'll accept). WHY?! According to Natalie and FaceBook, it looks like Adam is married now and works with a real estate company which just so happens to be SIX blocks away from my work. I don't know how I feel about that. Well I'm glad he got married in any case. He was 24 when we were together and he was totally freaking out about marriage and kids. He's about 28 now and, at least has one of those goals down. Hopefully she is a total molly mormon and meets his standards to be good enough to carry on that infamous last name. I wonder when they got married. I wonder where they met. He graduated the same year I did, so I don't think it was school unless...he went back. I should stop wondering. I guess he's not gay....
Meanwhile, to calm the random ridiculous fears/nightmares of James, I learned that he is still in NY thank goodness. It looks like he finally made it into the real estate world too even though he knows nothing about the area at all. Why is everyone going into real estate? I don't know how I feel about that. Esp in this economy right now. Their profiles are so....them. All James' says for interests is "futurama" - describes him perfectly and then Adams' is filled with intelligent answers littered with random sci-fi favorites.
Just adding to the plate of drama today.... I can't tell if this day totally sucks or not.
I'm not sure I wanted to know all that.
I just realized that all my passwords are still adam oriented. suck.