924
Listening to: Blink182 - All The Small Things
Feeling: torn

Random tangents that happen outside of the scaring ppl world:

Soooo I saved up $4000 for a present for my dad to send him back to Brimingham England for a visit.  Its costs a frickin lot to send him and a few choice others back to his mission and it took me... I guess only a year to gather that money (since I've worked with Jim), but I dont know whether to keep saving money cuz he'll need more to go fly across the ocean or if I should tell him he has the money (NOT actually give it to him) and continue to save money until he actually does some action to go on a vacation (which I will have to initiate cuz it'll take him 5 years to agree to go), and he just became bishop, will he even go?

So thats the dillema I've had for a few years actually.  I've been thinkin about this Europe trip since 2008.   I just couldn't save the money up til this last year.  I want him to go to England and I want to go with him.  BUT he has sooo many other things he could use $4000 for.  But I don't generally....wish to help him in those areas (financial life) cuz thas just dangerous terrirtory when it comes to my parentals and monies.

So it turns out that Dad wants a new truck.  He is planning on getting a $10,000 loan just to purchase the truck next door.  Meanwhile he just went to the dentist in dire pain and learned he needs a bridge because he didnt take care of it a few years ago when the dentist predicted his future.  -_-  Do you know how much bridges cost?  A lot more than crowns and root canals!!  And crowns are already $1,000 or more a piece.  I dont understand why that man has teeth.  But the kicker is that he refuses to use his car loan to help pay for his teeth.  In fact, he wishes to use a credit card with a super high interest rate from a company that has backstabbed them before for which Mother dislikes them most completely to pay for his teeth. -_-  This all makes me mad for many reasons 1) If he would take care of himself he wouldn't be in this situation and faced with all this debt and 2) his priorities are all screwed up! 3) do you know how many credit cards/debts he has already?!

Gar. So mad.  They are already drowning and I swear they just make up things to help them drown faster and then ....then they get something UNEXPECTED to help them drown faster than they had planned.  Oy.  And who do they reach out to when they drown?  Yeah, thats right, the one with the money.  There's a reason I kicked them off all my accounts cept one.  Mom already borrowed $400 like a down payment to help even start the process of the bridge.  The dentist says "nuh uh I need money up front or this aint happenin"  which is totally understandable besides the medical attention my Dad needs immediately, but still....

Mom and Dad kind of have separate accounts really, but when one drowns in a red hole the other gets dragged into it also and somehow, by some miracle, they try to help each other out I suppose.  I borrowed $3,000 for a car loan and I paid it all back and Mom used that to pay for the roof and now she has a credit card she's paying off for the windows.  Dad apparently is getting into $10,000+ debt for a truck and teeth.  And they of course have the house debt. Who knows what else they have to pay on. 

I believe I have the right to be mad (dallin doesnt) because of the example or lack thereof that my parents are to me. I'm not mad necessarily that they borrow my money when they're in trouble although it is annoying at times.  I'm more mad that they won't take care of themselves let alone each other, let alone their financial situation.  I don't want to have to write up foreclosure documents for them one day!  I'm mad that they preach to me the whole debt issue, the whole "pay in cash" and "save for toys" and "do NOT get more than like 1 credit card", yadda yadda and then Dad goes to spend $10,000 on a truck while Mom claims the windows and roof are very important to replace WHILE she's redoing the kitchen (well the roof was kinda important)... Ever heard of one thing at a time? 

I'm glad hypocrisy doesn't fall onto the first 5 in my list of pet peeves or I might strangle them.  Suffering the consequences of others decisions is No. 1 and this doesn't effect me too much cuz they try so hard not to let it effect us kids which I am thankful for.  I mean I dont bother them with my financial situations.  I'm not drowning myself in debt while others watch in emotional pain.  I dont have a reputation of handling money badly.  I can work with others to help myself out.  I can refrain b/c thats what I was taught to do.  I'm glad they have great standards and great teachers, but its okay to start living them now.

Anywayz, I spoke to Dallin about my dillema cuz he knows I want to send Dad to England and he's bluntly told me that Dad needs other things right now in life instead of a vacation.  Now lets ask a question... WHY does he have other things he NEEDS right now in life?  Cuz he doesn't take care of himself first of all with the teeth deal!  And thats NOT my fault.  I don't want to help him pay for something he should've done years ago before it got that bad.

But then I started thinking about him wanting to get a truck and well, that might be legit.  I did take the Blazer to WY and kinda...damage it even more than what Dustin did to it.. and they did spend a lot of money in fixing it up... And I did use HIS retirement money $3,000 for my car (although I did pay it back and it went into Mothers hands...) not sure how that works out as "I owe him" in my head cuz he has a roof over his head still... but... I dunno.

Dallins all over there defending the man with "hes a good man".  Great defense.  A great man can also have a lot of unnecessary debt.  I love the man too but that doesnt mean I have to use my $4000 to help him out.  I dont have to tell anyone this money exists.  Dallin doesnt even know how much I have.  I can keep this for another 2 years and then present it to Dad as vacation money after he's got all this money mess figgered out if I want.  I dont know what to do.  I can prolly start saving again for ...many more years down the road.   I dunno. I just wanted this to be a present, a vacation, a blast from the past, a bucket list item off the list before he dies or gets cancer cuz he won't go to the doctor.  I didnt want this to be  "save" button in his life or a "debt contribution"  or something... Silly me and my expectations.  I think he deserves to go back and I want to go with him.  I want out of this country once in my life too!  And it wont happen once I get married or have kids.  I gotta do it in the near future ya know?  Not just for me but for him too.  We aint getting any younger!

Dallin suggested that I offer to help him with one or the other to at least reduce the debt Dad is planning on.  I didn't think that would happen cuz $10,000 is 10,000 and a lot of money.  But Dallin said Dad would be practical, realistic, and conservative or whatever.  So I think I'll offer to find him a cheaper truck ($4000) free and clear of any debt IF he finds a better way to take care of his dentist bill than using a credit card or a $10,000 loan.   I guess I could buy him a truck.  If he'll actually go for it and WANT a cheaper truck.  He sounds pritti set on wanting/getting the truck next door.  But me and Claine could find him a nice truck for $4,000.

Another dillema is ...when do I tell him/make the offer/give him money?  He's starting to drown in money now and his bday is in a month (still stuck on the whole gift thing) and well... I'm going home this weekend to celebrate Moms bday... a lil' awkward even tho it should help them both out.  I feel weird.  Sitting at Sunday dinner after having bday cake with Mom and then turn to Dad "I have assessed your financial situation and I'm prepared to make an offer. I will buy you a truck free and clear of any debt if you take care of your teeth.  Oh by the way mom, I didnt have time to look for yer bday present, what do you want?".   That just sounds...ridiculous.   

o o o o o o o o o  o o o o o o o o o o o o

Another tangent:

One day a boy will sing this to me:

"Hey Juliet.  I think your fine, you really blow my mind.  Maybe some day you and me can run away.  I just want you to know I wanna be your Romeo... Heeyy Julliettt"   -LMNT

And I'll sing back:

"Your so fine, I want you mine, your so delicious.  I think about you all the time, you're so addictive.  Hey hey you you I could be your girlfrieendd.."    -Arvil

 

292 hit(s) Love, me  
This post has no comments.
Leave a Comment
Human Check: 4+4=


Entry List
1435
1433
1429
1427
1426
1425
1422
1418
1417
1416
1414
1413
1412
1408
1406
1402
1401
1398
1397
1394
1391
1389
1388
1387
1386
1385
1383
1382
1381
1380
1378
1377
1376
1374
1373
1372
1371
1370
1369
1368
1367
1366
1365
1363
1362
1361
1359
1358
1355
1354
1352
1350
1349
1348
1347
1346
1345
1344
1340
1339
1337
1336
1335
1333
1331
1330
1329
1328
1327
1326
1325
1324
1322
1321
1320
1319
1318
1317
1315
1314 - Baby Nicholas June 2015
1313
1312 - Baby Maggy June 2015
1311
1310
1309 - Baby Paul June 2015
1308
1307
1306
1305 - quotes
1304
1303
1302
1301
1300
1299
1298 - 2014 Chevy Cruze LT
1297
1296
1295
1294
1293
1292
1291
1290
1289
1287
1286
1283
1282
1279
1278
1277
1276
1275
1274
1273 - YSA Trip
1272
1271
1269
1268
1267
1266
1265
1263
1262
1260
1259
1258
1257
1255
1253
1251
1250
1249
1248
1246
1245
1244
1243
1242
1241
1239
1238
1237
1236
1235
1234
1233
1232
1231
1230
1229 -Year 2014
1228
1227
1226
1225
1223
1222
1220
1219
1218
1217
1214
1213
1212
1210
1209
1208
1207
1206
1205
1204
1203
1202
1201
1199
1198
1197
1196
1195
1194
1192
1191
1190
1187
1186
1185
1182
1180
1179
1178
1177
1176
1173 - Catori and Jaci
1172
1171
1170
1169
1167
1166
1165
1164
1163
1161
1160
1159
1158
1157
1156
1154
1153
1152
1151
1149
1148
1147
1146
1145
1144
1143 - Bday 25
1142 - Felicity Talamante
1141
1140 - Lasik
1139
1138
1137
1136
1135
1133
1132
1131
1130
1129
1128
1127
1126
1125
1124
1123
1122
1121
1120
1119 - Gunner Dallin Law
1118
1117
1115
1114
1112
1111
1110
1109
1108
1107
1106
1105
1104
1103
1102
1100
1098
1097
1095
1094
1093
1092
1090
1089
1088
1087
1086
1085
1084
1083
1082
1081
1080
1079
1077
1076
1074
1072
1071
1070
1069
1068
1067
1066
1063
1062
1061
1059
1058
1057
1056
1055
1054
1053
1052
1051
1050
1049
1047
1046
1044
1043
1042 - Mitchell Joseph...
1041
1038
1037
1036
1034
1033
1032
1031
1029
1028
1026
1025
1024
1023 - Bday 23
1022
1021
1020
1019
1017
1016
1013
1012
1011
1010
1009
1008
1007
1005
1004
1003
1001
1000
998
997
995
993
992
990
989
987
986
985
984
983
982
981
980 - Bucket List
979
978
977
975
974
972
971
970
969
968
967
966
965
963
962
961
960 - Year 2011
958
957
956
955
954
952
950
949
947
946
944
943
942
941
940
939
938
937
936
935
934
933
932
931
929
928
927
926
925
924
923
922
921
920
919
918
917
916
915
914
913
912
911
910
909
908
907
906
905
904
903
902
901
900
899
898
897
896
895
894
893
892
891
889
887
886
885
884
883
882
881
880
879
878
876
875
874
873
872
871
870
868
866
865
863
862
861
860
859
858
856
855
854
853
852
851
850
848
847
846
844
843
841
840
839
837
836
835
834
833
831
829
827
826
825
824 - Bday 22
822
821
819
818
817
815
814
813
811
810
809
808
807
806
805
803
802
800
798
797
796
794
793
792
791
790
789
788
787
786
785
784
783
782
781
780
778
777
776
775
773
772
771
769
767
766 - Year 2010
765
764
763
762
761
760
759
758
757
756
755
754
753
752
751
750
749
748
747
746
745
744
743
742
741
740
739
738
737
736
735
734
733
732
731
730
729
728
727
726
725
724
723
722
721
720
719
718
717
715
714
713
712
710
709
707
706
705
704
703
702
701
700
699
698
697
696
695
694
693
692
691
690
689
688
687
686
685
684
683
682
681
679
678
677
676
675
674
673
671
670
669
668
667
666
665
664
663
662
660
659
658
657
656
655
654
653
651
650
648
646
645
644
643
642
640
639
638
637
636
635
634
633 - Bday 21
632
630
629
628
627
626
625
624
623
622
621
620
619
618
617
616
615
614
613
612
611
610
608
607
606
605
604
603
601
600
599
598
597
596
595
594
593
592
591
590
589
588
587
586
584
583
582
581
580
579
578
577
576
575
574
573
572
571
570
569
568
567
565 - Year 2009
563
562
561
560
559
558
557
556
555
554
553
552
551
550
549
548
547
546
545
544
542
541
540
539
538
537
536
535
534
533
532
531
530
529
528
527
526
525
524
523
522
521
520
519
518
516
515
514
513 - Sara Marie Talamante
512
511
510
509
508
507
506
505
504
503
502
501
500
499
498
497
495
494
493
492
491
490
489
487
486
317
346
485
484
483
482
481
480
478
477
476
475
474
473
472
471
470
469
468
467
466
465
464
463
462
460
461
459
458
457
456
455
454
453
452
451
450
449
448
447
446
445
444
443
442
441
440
439
438
437
435
434
433
432
431
430
429
428
427
426 - Glimpses
425
423
422
421
420
419
418
417
416
415
414
413
412
410
409
408 - Poem
407 - Bday 20
406
405
404
402
401
400
399
398
397
395
394 - Cole Michael Andrew
393
392
391
390
389
386
385
384
382
381
380
379
378
377
376
375
374
373
372
370
369
368
367
366
365
364
363
362
360
361
359
357
356
355
354
353
352
351
350
349
348
347
345
344
343
342
339
340
338
337
336
335
334
332
331
329
328
327
326
325 - Year 2008
324
323
322
321
320
319
318
316
315
314
313
312
311
310
308
307
305
304
303
302
301
300
299
298
297
296
295
294
293
292
291
290
289
288
287
285
286
284
283
282
281
280
279 - LOVE
278
277
276
275
274
273
272
271
270
269
268 - Troo Wov
267
266
265
264
263
262
261
260
259
258
256
255
254
253
251
250
249
248
247
246
245
244
243
241
239
240
238
237
236
234
233
232
231
229
228
226
225
224
223
222
221
220
218
217
216
215
214
212
211
210
209
208
207
206
205
204
203
202
201
200
199
198
197
195
194
192
191
190
189
188
187
185
184
183
182
181
180
179
178 - Year 2007
177
176
175
174
173
172
169
167
166
165
164
163
161
162
160
159
158
157
156
155
154
153
152
151
150
148
147
146
145
144
143
142
141 - Year 2006
140
139
138
137
136
135
134
133
132
131
130
129
128
127
126
125
124
123
122
121
120
118
119
117
116
115
114
112
111
110
109
108
107
106
105
104
103
102
101
100
099
098
097
096
095
094
093
092
091
090
087
086
085
084
083
082
081
080
079
078
077
075
073
072
071
070
069
068
067
066
065
064
062
063
061
060
059
058
057
056
055
054
053
052
051
049
050
048
047
046
045
044
043
042
041 - Bday 17
040
039
038
036
037
035
034
033
032
031
029
030
028
027
026
024
025
023
022
021
020
019
018
017
016
015
009
014
012
013
011
010
008
006
007
005
004
003
002
001 - Year 2005
1241 post(s)