Listening to: Death Cab - What Sarah Said
Random thoughts of Wednesday during that special time of month:
My mind feels like a handful of bouncy balls that just dropped and are now bouncing all over the floor. I chase after one bouncy ball which concludes with me laughing, giving up and going after another ball which leads me to be slightly frustrated, and the third ball just makes me confused and wondering why I'm doing this, and by the time I chase after the fourth ball I'm crying simply cuz I can. And the whole time I'm thinking it's only 9AM! I can't have all these emotions and start crying this early in the morning, its going to be a long day! And then I move on attempting to catch another bouncy ball which just makes my tummy hurt with a desire for food, and the next ball makes my head hurt and dizzy, and the next one makes me tired and cold so I give up altogether and sit on the floor and just cry cuz I can, cuz it feels good.
I don't cry out of frustration or pain, I cry because I read one simple sentence, heard one song lyric, had one lil' daydream/thought that dropped a whole new set of balls somewhere else in my mind and I'm scrambling to pick up those ones too before it gets out of control. One set of chaos is primarily giddy and flattered feelings from a boy, another set comes from a spiritual moment, another is primarily thoughts about family, and some are as simple as what do I eat for lunch, but yet still an explosion.
It sounds really ridiculous and complicated, which for a girl, esp on her period, is. I realize that boys are MUCH more simpler than that. But this is a pritti good analogy for how I felt that one year I didn't have BC when I moved down here. Even though sometimes I still get that loopy even with BC, obviously.
In other news, last nights Forum prolly was the most boring forum I've ever been to and thas saying something b/c usually they are really good and interesting. You'd think a pilot that served for like 37 years would have some interesting things to tell you, right? It turns out that said pilot does have interesting things to say, but his delivery of his knowledge was totally bombed. He's not exactly a great public speaker I should say. I was interested in the avaition facts he gave us, but when he tied it to religion I kinda blanked out.
Nevertheless, I was falling asleep near the end when the boy in front of me handed me his phone and on his phone was typed "Can I have your name and number?" Silly me, my first thought was "Why?" (#1 set of bouncy balls) and then I remembered where I was. A singles ward. And then I turned bright red (#2 bouncy balls) and was super glad that he had turned away facing the speaker again. I didn't...know how to work his phone so I fumbled with the screen til it automatically saved somewhere and went away, my bad. And stupid as it is, just holding his phone, knowing that he was trusting a stranger with it for like 2 minutes, made me feel....special. (#3 bouncy balls) Hey, some ppl are super attached to their phone and super private. I dated that one kid on and off for like two years and he never let me see/hold his phone.
Anyways, he seemed so confident when he handed me his phone (simply cuz it was a small action), but when he turned around to get a result he was just a bowl of jelly all nervous and not knowing what to do. I told him I didn't know how to work his phone and he's like "okay" and fidgets I'm thinking does he understand that I didn't give him my number? Is he going to ask again so I can give it to him and he can put it in his phone? A big pile of nothing/silence.
Well I was just as nervous as him. We both stood there knowing that something should be said to make it clear that I hadn't given him my number yet and I did want to. We were both nervous that I don't recall how we communicated but he eventually got my number on his phone...and he said he'd text me sometime and... then a slightly awkward walk away...
I finally put it all together in the car on the way home. Every Wednesday I see him at forum and he sits within like 2 rows of me, but never by me. In front or behind me. I have always assumed that he was saving seats for friends, but I realize now that no one in particular comes consecutively, he just simply knows the ppl that find a familiar face to sit by. And that night everytime someone asked if I'm saving seats and I respond that kid turns around and looks at me. One girl sat on my bench and asked my name and I responded, and that kid whipped around in his seat like he missed something important which surprised me later when he asked my name.... And then it clicked even more when I realized this was the last forum we'd have til middle of January so he felt it was like a last chance to get my number kinda thing. haha. This kids been on to me for awhile now I can feel it.
I hope he put it down in his phone right cuz he still hasn't texted me... I hope he doesnt get all nervous about texting and take days to get up the courage. Its a simply task really. Not nearly as intimidating.
And in all my negativity I have three guesses for this guy, the stalker type, the "marry me" so-in-love-with-you- clingy type, or the use you type. Thas all the options that have been in the past, maybe he'll pave a whole new path. Good or bad is the question?