Listening to: Secondhand Serenade - Take Me With You
Everyone is on Spring Break, when is it my turn? I think the reality of working the rest of my life kinda hit me this morning. No summer break, no spring break, not even like holiday weeks, maybe longer weekends, but not weeks like these kids.
As I was driving to work today I noticed the sky full of clouds and the constant rain and I thought to myself "hmmm it must be April 18" cuz thats Ralph Pettys bday and every year I worked for him I noticed how bad the weather was on his bday and always contributed it to matching his personality. Then I remembered it really was the 18th. It made me giggle. Not that my bday has any better weather... I can just always tell when its Ralphs bday...
The reason I'm nervous is cuz I dont know what Evan expects of me and my bday. I really dislike the fact that he knows when my bday is, and I really dont like surprises and I dont know if he's the kind of person to plan anything like that and he's determined to take me out to eat and I dont understand why/how that is celebrating my bday cuz we can go out all the time for no reason, but he insists and I really dont know what to say or do. Do I juss smile and nod at everything he wants to do even if I dont want to so he'll feel like he accomplished something? Like this dinner thing? So he fulfills his expectations of how a bday is suppose to be? I dunno. I usually plan something fer my bday and do it alone or with someone, juss without the fanfare of bday hanging over my head. But maybe I juss want a normal day with him? I dont think he'll accept that tho. And I really suck at acting like I'm enjoying myself... oohh man, thas another thing to freak out about. He doesn't think I ever sound excited when I'm coming to see him how in the world am I supposed to act/convince him I'm all happy and excited on my bday? He'll asking if I'm excited to come see him or something and I'll be like Yeah and he'll think I'm not excited cuz i dont have exclaimation points after yeah or something.... man oh man... Thas another way he feels accomplished and I really suck at validating that for him.
And I really dont care for this age so I see nothing special to celebrate... it juss means I'm getting older and reminds me that I'm not married. But it would make me 10x more nervous if it was HIS bday cuz I have no idea what he expects from a bday! And I'm not good at those kinda things. I cant seem to make ppl feel loved or special on holidays or bdays. I blame my father. Oh man I really suck at things like this.
Oh man I hate this part.