1057
Feeling: exhausted

So the weekend of the whole July 4, 2011 celebrations began with Evan and I arriving at the Logan fireworks and my coolant spilling all over the parking lot once parked.  It took me forever to leave the house, not because I wasn't ready or packed, but because I felt something bad would happen to cause me stress.  But I knew I wouldn't find the source of the stress or bad feeling until I left my house.  The only thing I could think of was my worries about leaving my scardy cat dog home alone with the fireworks going off all weekend.  I did not recall my car overheating in stop-and-go traffic a few days prior to my weekend trip.  I thought I had fixed that problem.  Nor did I even fathom about the strain it would cause between the boy and I.

My car is my safety net, my comfort zone, slightly essential to getting to work and this family reunion this weekend.  I was slightly upset and needed to sit down and breath and come up with a game plan.  I was a lot calmer this time cuz I knew what was wrong and knew it was a somewhat easy fix, but it did not help that I was stuck on a hill, fixing it in the dark until well after midnight wondering if I'd get down.  Well, the boy had a lil heartburn about me having to sit down and take a breather.  He basically told me to get over it and lets get to the fireworks before it gets dark (before we're late).  I know its not his car, not really his stress, he can get over it for a few hours while watching a firework show, but I cannot do that so easily.  I wished like hell I could juss 'get over it'.  I really did.  What the hell.  I pretended the best I could.  But I was pissed. This kid has no empathy or sympathy for anyone not even himself sometimes. 

Anyway, I took him to the fireworks so we wouldn't 'be late' and recruited my mom and brother to come help me put the coolant hose back on my car before it got too dark and so I wouldn't have to after the fireworks in the middle of the night while stuck with boy.  I left boy on the hill with my family while we fixed the car which pissed him off.  "You didn't even invite me to go".... "...why the hell would I?!"  He didn't care about the car, he wanted to see the show, so I dropped him off and I fixed the car so we could go home after the show.  Priorities here kiddo. That and I was pissed myself.

We got back juss in time for the show and my boy was no where to be seen.  Whatever.  So I curled up in my blanket and watched the show and thought of Kirri and texted her.  Miss her on the 4th. And the finale basically he came over and sat by me.  I'm sure he came back from his 'walk' long before, he juss didn't sit by me.  Afterward we hiked back to the car and he said some things that I will never forget.

The car overheated again while idoling in line to escape the hill so we pulled over and hung out til the lines were gone, the car was cooled down, and the water we put in it settled.  I couldn't take fighting with bf and the car dying at the same time, I juss couldn't.  One of them has to break up with me or they both have to start loving me again.  We made it to Wally World around 1am and bought more coolant (cheaper this time) and a flat screw driver in case/for when it happens again.  Dead tired, but we had kinda made up a little bit.  I was still uneasy about the things he said to me earlier and found it hard to be with him the whole time, but bed soon came and I was allowed to have emotion again without upsetting ppl.

The next day we had breakfast at the house and we all got to sleep in.  He was pessimisstic about the car making it to Riverdale and I knew my car could do it.  He made my car sound so bad and a piece of junk, but its a good car, juss has coolant hose issues... But I knew we could do it.  So we piled in cars and headed up that way.  LaDonna and her family stayed for the day (after staying in hotels in Logan) and then went home that night. Renee stayed for one night.  None of her kids could come. Neal and Jed's family showed up and stayed the whole time.  Ted and Diane were at the resort the night earlier with Shirley.  And Grandma stayed the whole time.  We had camp sites for trailers and tents and then an enclosed building with some AC for those that hide from the sun (Jannis). 

It was super hot traveling and setting up stuff so swimming that Saturday was wonderful.  We went down the slide a dozen times, we went from the 'hot springs' to the swimming pool but I generally liked the hot springs.  There was a super hot one, a warm one, and then swimming pool.  The place looked soo familiar and I can't remember why.  I remember all my school friends being there tho, some type of school trip?  Swim Day?  Kirri remembers it too.  But that was fun.  I protected my shoulders this time and face when the boy wanted to lay out and "tan".   Jannis made tacos for dinner. We had sandwhiches for lunch.

It felt soo nice when the sun started going down and going back into the warm pool.  That evening we discovered how fast you can go down the slide on the paddle boards they have.  Kinda scary.  But super fun for awhile.  Then we got bite by 'quitos and got dressed and played some games.  We didn't have a lot of firewood nor many participants around the fire so the campfire part of the night went kinda fast.  Roasted starbursts.

Diane and her girls were annoying as usual from the beginning and I had no desire to interact with them the rest of the time.  I'm sure Jenna felt their baby wrath when they flocked her children and smothered her new baby and she was prolly glad to leave Sat night.  But they left Sunday morning. I said bye to Diane.  The boys whom I can tolerate didn't speak to me.  Jed's family was good and fun.  Neal got a lil' bit on my nerves with his 'teasing', but he usually does.  But mostly it was me and the boy running around playing.  Dallin and Dustin showed up Sunday afternoon/evening for dinner and bingo and split.  Pooheads. Most of us came from SLC to camp and they can't even go 30 minutes to spend the weekend or one full day with us.  Irked me. 

Sunday I got to sleep in and eat breakfast and then we took off to Logan for Mitchell's baby blessing.  We stopped by the house to take a shower first.  Meanwhile I got a phone message the other night from Glen saying he couldn't find/see Max and he wouldn't come when he called.  I figgered he was juss hiding from the fireworks.  Glen called Min when I didn't answer.  She came with the same conclusion.  I tried calling him back but his phone was full of static.  Weird. But kinda worriesome that Max wouldn't leave the house. Anyways, showed up at the church and found Amy and helped her get her boys in and sat down.  Turns out Dallin was going to a blessing at the same time...and apparently the same church that I was going to.   His friend Scott juss had a baby girl.  I came for Mitchells, and he came for Oakland I believe her name was.  Kinda interesting.  I got to hold Amys baby boy and scare her other shy boy to death during the meeting.

Then we went over Merlin Olsen Park and had a luncheon.  Kirri, Amy and Alicia were there.  Paula, Emily and Brian's family came.  Resa, Aubrey, Lisa, Me, Kellie & fam and their friends from the ward came too.  It was fun catching up.  I juss knew Kirri had come down for the weekend and didn't spend the 4th with me.  I'm sure I woulda had more fun.  But I got pictures and caught up with ppl and sweated badly before we headed back up to the resort.

We were tired and needed a Sunday nap and ended up sweating like pigs trying to sleep in Gpa's trailer for awhile.  Dustin was already there, the boys using/breaking my rock band, and Dallin showed up a few hours later.  We finally gave up sleeping.  We went to play Bingo and ate moms 5 hour stew.  I ate while Loryn and her sister did my hair in different ways and ended up with a french braid.  I wish I could french braid on myself.  Chatted with Dallin too.  Played Bingo again after dinner with Billy and finally got a candy bar.  Then they left soon after that.  I don't remember what we did after that. Of all the entertainment/electronics we brought tho we didn't use any.  I think he played his guitar while we sat in camp chairs. I brought more firewood so when it got darker we changed into warmer clothes and joined the campfire.  Rachel used some mystic fire powder to make the flames turn different colors.  I used my glow sticks and sparklers that night.  Jed used his telescope to look at the moon and Saturn.  That was cool.  You could see the craters.  Then they started getting ready for bed and leaving a few at a time. Boring.  We sat and looked/waited for a falling star.  Didn't see any and went to bed eventually.

Slept in again til 8 and...had a rough start to the morning.  I watched the boy take down his tent cot by himself and drooled over his hotness. Still can't believe its been 5 months. But he seemed somewhat obnoxious in the morning and I was not in the mood to handle it.  It seemed every time he touched me he was hurting me and he doesn't realize it so he doesn't stop.  Grr. Anyways, ate breakfast and felt better.  I wanted to go swimming again before we headed home. I felt so icky, sweaty and gross.  But then I juss laid in the warm pool for like 1.5 hours.  I didn't want to stay in there very long tho, wasn't in the mood.  But I managed to get out when everyone else did.  It rained while I was in there.  Mmm smelled good, felt good.  We were in there from 11:15 to like 12:45, got out and ate some sandwhiches Jannis made for us, and then we packed up and headed home.  Paying for all of it was kind of a mess and I think they missed a few important things, but oh well.   Its done and over. 

We went back to Moms to help her unload and stuffs.  I felt there was so much to do on a Monday in Logan and so many ppl to see and stuffs but we were juss so tired we juss wanted to go home and sleep and make sure Max was still around. So thats what we did around 3pm. And if we woulda had kids we woulda left a lot sooner than that.  Ugh, I don't wanna be one of those ppl.

The boy fell asleep in the car.  I drove home and took a shower and then went to bed for an hour.  Woke up hungry and had glorified Mac and Cheese while he took the effort to go to the store and get ice cream and meat for his July 4th dinner.  We finished the first season of Lost with a scared shaking dog inbetween us on the couch.  The beginning of a long night.  The fireworks didn't stop until like 1am and I was trying to sleep since 11pm.  Max kept pacing on the floor, lay down til the next pop, jump up on the bed til the next pop, nudge me with his nose, jump down and pace, jump on me, lay down, nudge me with his nose, pace, all night long.  There was a point there was nothing I could do for that dog to comfort him in any way.  And I was too tired to really care that much.  But we did stay home to be with him on the 4th, that was nice of us.  So between the dog, the fireworks, and the heat I didn't sleep too much.  Came to work this morning and the boss is still on Europe time so he thinks its about midnight now and he's getting sleepy.

Thus concludes my 4th of July weekend/family reunion in which I managed not to get any pictures of any of it.  I got some pics of the baby blessing until my batteries died tho.

 

191 hit(s) Love, me  
This post has no comments.
Leave a Comment
Human Check: 1*4=


Entry List
1394
1391
1389
1388
1387
1386
1385
1383
1382
1381
1380
1378
1377
1376
1374
1373
1372
1371
1370
1369
1368
1367
1366
1365
1363
1362
1361
1359
1358
1355
1354
1352
1350
1349
1348
1347
1346
1345
1344
1340
1339
1337
1336
1335
1333
1331
1330
1329
1328
1327
1326
1325
1324
1322
1321
1320
1319
1318
1317
1315
1314 - Baby Nicholas June 2015
1313
1312 - Baby Maggy June 2015
1311
1310
1309 - Baby Paul June 2015
1308
1307
1306
1305 - quotes
1304
1303
1302
1301
1300
1299
1298 - 2014 Chevy Cruze LT
1297
1296
1295
1294
1293
1292
1291
1290
1289
1287
1286
1283
1282
1279
1278
1277
1276
1275
1274
1273 - YSA Trip
1272
1271
1269
1268
1267
1266
1265
1263
1262
1260
1259
1258
1257
1255
1253
1251
1250
1249
1248
1246
1245
1244
1243
1242
1241
1239
1238
1237
1236
1235
1234
1233
1232
1231
1230
1229 -Year 2014
1228
1227
1226
1225
1223
1222
1220
1219
1218
1217
1214
1213
1212
1210
1209
1208
1207
1206
1205
1204
1203
1202
1201
1199
1198
1197
1196
1195
1194
1192
1191
1190
1187
1186
1185
1182
1180
1179
1178
1177
1176
1173 - Catori and Jaci
1172
1171
1170
1169
1167
1166
1165
1164
1163
1161
1160
1159
1158
1157
1156
1154
1153
1152
1151
1149
1148
1147
1146
1145
1144
1143 - Bday 25
1142 - Felicity Talamante
1141
1140 - Lasik
1139
1138
1137
1136
1135
1133
1132
1131
1130
1129
1128
1127
1126
1125
1124
1123
1122
1121
1120
1119 - Gunner Dallin Law
1118
1117
1115
1114
1112
1111
1110
1109
1108
1107
1106
1105
1104
1103
1102
1100
1098
1097
1095
1094
1093
1092
1090
1089
1088
1087
1086
1085
1084
1083
1082
1081
1080
1079
1077
1076
1074
1072
1071
1070
1069
1068
1067
1066
1063
1062
1061
1059
1058
1057
1056
1055
1054
1053
1052
1051
1050
1049
1047
1046
1044
1043
1042 - Mitchell Joseph...
1041
1038
1037
1036
1034
1033
1032
1031
1029
1028
1026
1025
1024
1023 - Bday 23
1022
1021
1020
1019
1017
1016
1013
1012
1011
1010
1009
1008
1007
1005
1004
1003
1001
1000
998
997
995
993
992
990
989
987
986
985
984
983
982
981
980 - Bucket List
979
978
977
975
974
972
971
970
969
968
967
966
965
963
962
961
960 - Year 2011
958
957
956
955
954
952
950
949
947
946
944
943
942
941
940
939
938
937
936
935
934
933
932
931
929
928
927
926
925
924
923
922
921
920
919
918
917
916
915
914
913
912
911
910
909
908
907
906
905
904
903
902
901
900
899
898
897
896
895
894
893
892
891
889
887
886
885
884
883
882
881
880
879
878
876
875
874
873
872
871
870
868
866
865
863
862
861
860
859
858
856
855
854
853
852
851
850
848
847
846
844
843
841
840
839
837
836
835
834
833
831
829
827
826
825
824 - Bday 22
822
821
819
818
817
815
814
813
811
810
809
808
807
806
805
803
802
800
798
797
796
794
793
792
791
790
789
788
787
786
785
784
783
782
781
780
778
777
776
775
773
772
771
769
767
766 - Year 2010
765
764
763
762
761
760
759
758
757
756
755
754
753
752
751
750
749
748
747
746
745
744
743
742
741
740
739
738
737
736
735
734
733
732
731
730
729
728
727
726
725
724
723
722
721
720
719
718
717
715
714
713
712
710
709
707
706
705
704
703
702
701
700
699
698
697
696
695
694
693
692
691
690
689
688
687
686
685
684
683
682
681
679
678
677
676
675
674
673
671
670
669
668
667
666
665
664
663
662
660
659
658
657
656
655
654
653
651
650
648
646
645
644
643
642
640
639
638
637
636
635
634
633 - Bday 21
632
630
629
628
627
626
625
624
623
622
621
620
619
618
617
616
615
614
613
612
611
610
608
607
606
605
604
603
601
600
599
598
597
596
595
594
593
592
591
590
589
588
587
586
584
583
582
581
580
579
578
577
576
575
574
573
572
571
570
569
568
567
565 - Year 2009
563
562
561
560
559
558
557
556
555
554
553
552
551
550
549
548
547
546
545
544
542
541
540
539
538
537
536
535
534
533
532
531
530
529
528
527
526
525
524
523
522
521
520
519
518
516
515
514
513 - Sara Marie Talamante
512
511
510
509
508
507
506
505
504
503
502
501
500
499
498
497
495
494
493
492
491
490
489
487
486
317
346
485
484
483
482
481
480
478
477
476
475
474
473
472
471
470
469
468
467
466
465
464
463
462
460
461
459
458
457
456
455
454
453
452
451
450
449
448
447
446
445
444
443
442
441
440
439
438
437
435
434
433
432
431
430
429
428
427
426 - Glimpses
425
423
422
421
420
419
418
417
416
415
414
413
412
410
409
408 - Poem
407 - Bday 20
406
405
404
402
401
400
399
398
397
395
394 - Cole Michael Andrew
393
392
391
390
389
386
385
384
382
381
380
379
378
377
376
375
374
373
372
370
369
368
367
366
365
364
363
362
361
360
359
357
356
355
354
353
352
351
350
349
348
347
345
344
343
342
340
339
338
337
336
335
334
332
331
329
328
327
326
325 - Year 2008
324
323
322
321
320
319
318
316
315
314
313
312
311
310
308
307
305
304
303
302
301
300
299
298
297
296
295
294
293
292
291
290
289
288
287
285
286
284
283
282
281
280
279 - LOVE
278
277
276
275
274
273
272
271
270
269
268 - Troo Wov
267
266
265
264
263
262
261
260
259
258
256
255
254
253
251
250
249
248
247
246
245
244
243
241
239
240
238
237
236
234
233
232
231
229
228
226
225
224
223
222
221
220
218
217
216
215
214
212
211
210
209
208
207
206
205
204
203
202
201
200
199
198
197
195
194
192
191
190
189
188
187
185
184
183
182
181
180
179
178 - Year 2007
177
176
175
174
173
172
169
167
166
165
164
163
162
161
160
159
158
157
156
155
154
153
152
151
150
148
147
146
145
144
143
142
141 - Year 2006
140
139
138
137
136
135
134
133
132
131
130
129
128
127
126
125
124
123
122
121
120
119
118
117
116
115
114
112
111
110
109
108
107
106
105
104
103
102
101
100
099
098
097
096
095
094
093
092
091
090
087
086
085
084
083
082
081
080
079
078
077
075
073
072
071
070
069
068
067
066
065
064
062
063
061
060
059
058
057
056
055
054
053
052
049
050
051
048
047
046
045
044
043
042
041 - Bday 17
040
039
038
036
037
035
034
033
032
031
029
030
028
027
026
024
025
023
022
021
020
019
018
017
016
015
009
014
012
013
011
010
008
006
007
005
004
003
002
001 - Year 2005
1222 post(s)