The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday.
I was COMPLETELY consumed by my thoughts.
It was the weirdest communication from my brain to my body I have ever experienced.
Okay, there are those days that you are just MAD, completely and utterly MAD at everything and everyone. Okay, well you can at least pinpoint where the anger comes from and those thoughts of hatred just consume you, eat you up all day long. Like literally, it can consume your every thought, every action, for literally the whole day if you let it. Ya know what I'm talking about? It effects your thoughts, behaviors, eating schedule, your daily routine, your mood, your body, its effects -everything-.
Ya, well, this is stupid but my thoughts were consumed about something entirely different, something that has never happened to me before. There was this STORY, made up, make believe story in my head ALL day long, like literally, it wouldn't leave me alone.
I mean we all daydream sometimes. Something that happened on the way to work leads you to come up with this weird story in your head. You weren't awake on the drive or something and you thought you saw a car flying for a moment, but you know thats not real, but your mind goes into this story about you having the first flying car or something and ya know, sometimes you get carried away. I also hear that having daydreams of you being the hero is also common even though it makes you seem out to be a narcassitist or having an alter ego or something weird like that. Like seeing a car wreck on the way to work and all day at work you dream about how you could have stopped it or saved someones life.
Anyways, I have such dreams, but this was nothing like that! This story/daydream stuck in my head was totally different, not sure it really has a plot even and I feel so stupid letting it consume my whole day especially when I'm at work attempting to concentrate on work! It feels totally stupid to try and explain this story to you, it has no relevance so therefore I wont. Its like having a story about fairies stuck your head all day. You don't exactly want to tell someone this, esp when it effects everything you are doing that day including work! Ridiculous.
So this story with no apparent plot runs through my head over and over and over again. So I get this brilliant idea to write it down so it stops playing in my head, right? But of course, writing about it is thinking about it and writing kinda takes longer than thinking does, but I start out writing it at work. I write it in parts and it takes me like 8 consecutive hours and I can't think or do anything else but write! It was crazy. I had work on my desk I needed to do and I literally had to pry myself way from this dumb story to focus on work for like 20 minutes before diving back in! I couldn't even eat lunch. I couldn't tear myself away long enough. Ridiculous I tell you. I am NOT a writer. I suck at such.
But I am noticing how my brain is reacting to all this. First of all there are two characters fighting throughout the whole thing and my brain somehow sees this as exciting, like a romantic exciting, which attests to my love of fighting in a relationship which I prolly shouldn't admit to. But rawr rawr. It makes me want to watch "The Notebook" when they fight all the time and Ryan Gosling is my favorite, hottest, actor ever! (So I guess my brain thought of this for a reason, maybe cuz I haven't had wookie in awhile. I'm not totally crazy, this must have SOME pattern to it.) Ya know how some people think their dreams or thoughts have some deeper meaning... can intrepreted into something that is affecting their life at that time, some deeper consciousness.
Second, as I write this down in parts, I notice my brain is deleting them from storage so I stop thinking about that certain part of the story. So with part one and two written down, my brain only focuses on parts 3, 4 and 5, etc. It was interesting.
And the ending got all muddled up in my brain, like my brain never thought of an ending, so my brain just stopped, just before the ending and I had nothing else to think about. Of course, that drove me crazy, typing for 8 hours and find out my brain never made up an ending to this, so now I put the brain in overdrive just to come up with an ending and end all of this nonsense!
It was ridiculous how stuck on this story I was not wanting to do anything else, I didn't want to talk on the phone, I didn't want to do any work, I didn't want to eat lunch, nothing! Just get this out of my head!
And even more ridiculous was the effect it took on my body! I tried so hard to avoid doing anything else and it must've stressed me out or something cuz by the end of the story/8 hours my body was aching so bad like I ran a marathon or got hit by a train! All those thoughts of this stupid made up story made my body feel so ...bad. I think the weather has to do with this also, but still. Going from a freezing cold office, can't feel my feet so cold, to the outside where its like 80-90 degrees outside and being on fire in two seconds, and then getting in a car which is even hotter than outside waiting for the A/C... I think that hot/cold change is making me fatigued and not wanting to eat anything.
But now that it is finally out and it finally has an ending after a muddled brain fart last night after finally tearing myself away from the computer, I almost feel brave enough to read it and see if it makes any sense whatsoever to me now.
I remember in highschool we did this "Stream of Concious" writing where you just wrote for five minutes about anything and everything that came into mind, just writing as fast as you could, no stopping, no thinking, just pouring it all out on paper no matter how ridiculous it was. And then afterwards reading it and it seemed all jumbled up when you wrote it, but when you read it back to yourself you notice a pattern your brain was taking. It was interesting. Kind of like this journal entry. I wonder if that happened here with my story or if I'll just be more frustrated I wrote about this stupid story instead of doing more important things.