1186
Listening to: I Love You - Avril Lavigne
Feeling: sad

So I went to pick up Claine from the airport Fri Aug 16.  He had went to Maryland basically for a job interview type thing.  He announced he got the job and starts on the 29th.  Apparently Facebook says this too.  I didn't know until Min texted me like I knew and I assumed he got the job. I brought him some raspberry filled donuts.  I think they are his favorite.  I ate two while waiting for him. 

I have vacation days to help them move to MD, but I never understood why Claine couldn't drive the Uhaul and his truck there and Min could follow with the kids.  But I was ready and willing.  I just wondered when they would head out that way.  I wasn't terribly excited to drive that far and fly back with my vacation days, but I was willing if they needed help.  I figgered it would just..work out tho. And it did cuz....

Apparently they are moving tomorrow. 

It being so close to school starting I think they are just taking off to get the kids in school.  Turns out Claine will drive the Uhaul and take his truck and Min will follow with the kids.  They packed up the basement of Moms last night and are heading to SLC today to get their storage stuff in a Uhaul.  Then they head out morrow.

All so fast.

And on top of that, just after picking Claine up he was already asking if I would take Max.  They didn't want to take him.  Honestly, I'm not sure that dog would survive if he did go.  So with this all going fast, suddenly I'm gonna get a dog tonight to take care of.  I'm sure he would just be more trouble for everyone.  Min has enough with the kids and they are prolly getting an apartment that maybe don't allow pets.  The dog needs someone to take care of him, he's getting old. 

So, Min and her family has left me before.  She went to CA for 1.5 years.  But she came back.  I was babysitting her dog and house and I knew she'd come back.  She also only had two boys to take with her.  But this time, its different. She's taking my first baby girl in the family!!  And she's not really planning on coming back.  And she's basically leaving me with a dying dog and responsibility over her house that she rented out.  

Its all a bit upsetting.  And then the fact its all happening so fast.  We were going to hang out on Sat with the whole family once more at Bear Lake as a farewell to Min and her family and a last play day before school starts.  But she decided to move this week.  They just got the funding to do so yesterday.  They sold all their stuff, camper, four wheeler, extra truck they had.  According to KSL they sold all their stuff in like one hour.  Kind of as a set maybe.  That's cool. 

So they will be employed, eventually will have their own place, eventually the kids'll be in school, and they will have their life back!  The same month as her Bday when I claimed her homeless and unemployed, etc.  But things changed! 

What I am most upset about is, honestly, is the dog. 

They chose to have a dog many years ago and since they joined the Army/National Guard they have like...ignored the dog.  I mean Claine trained with him and went running, but now the dog is too old to run with.  They moved around and left him a couple of times now.  Then they decide to move cross country and leave me with him as he is getting older and dying and having more health problems, which might I add, they prolly helped cause more health issues with the stress they give him!  I don't think its fair to leave me with the dog to watch him die.  It's not cool. 

Granted I did steal the dog and claim him mine, but only cuz they ditched him so much!  Someone had to love him and take care of him!  And they didn't care who.  But I did.  Besides my first dog, Brownie/Brandy, this is the only dog I really liked.  I didn't like Yoda that much.  But I don't remember the first dog being put down so this will be the first dog I really witness him dying.  It's not cool.  I don't do animals and pain and such. 

And now he has to learn how to live with me after he's been carted around from place to place or ditched with others.  He's not used to having to stay inside with his first house having a dog door and then shipped off to Moms and had to claw across the kitchen floor to the backdoor and now he's in a small condo with stairs and lack of view from the windows.  I'm not sure he can do stairs very well anymore.  

On the plus side it will be a lot more quiet at my place and he won't have to run from cats or kids anymore.  But he has been 'leaking' on Moms carpet lately, not being able to control his bladder or something, and he's supposed to learn to hold his potty time until I get home from work everyday or else its my brand new carpet that suffers?  Ugh.  Not cool.  

The first thing I'll do is take him to the doc and see whats wrong with him and if he is fixable and most importantly to find out if he is in any pain.  I'll take the steps that no one else has thought of or cared to find out.  And then I will decide if he needs to be put down. 

I guess thats what bugs me the most about having the dog dumped on me now.  The fact that NOBODY ELSE CARES about him.  I express concerns and suggest a doc and everyone just says to put him down and be done with him.  No one will even try to figger out whats wrong with him first.  We don't put down our elderly b/c they can't hold their bladder or can't do stairs anymore or whatever.  We don't kill off elderly with amensia or whatever.  We find out whats wrong first. Goodness. 

And the super sad part to me is watching him act all young and curious still.  He runs around like he's young.  He doesn't know he's old.  He doesn't know he's nearing the end.  I don't want to bring him to that reality, but I don't want pain to do that for him either. 

Oh that dog brings me so much stress.  I can't sleep at night.  I have these nightmares that I'll go in and have him checked to see whats wrong with him and some assistant will accidently euthanize him.  So traumatic.  Its just a dog!!

And this is NOT a good time of month to leave me with a dog and move away!  I could cry for days.  Auntie Flow just started... 

And of course the second saddest part of all this seeing my first baby girl move away from me. She's in her 'cute' stage and I love it!  The first time seeing a baby girl in a 'cute' stage.  All the boys had their moments, but they are long gone by now.  I want to see HER.  And the next time I'll see her she'll be so big... I want to see her learn to talk!  I barely witnessed her learning to walk and now she just toddles along all over the place!  It's so cute.  She never learned to crawl so she just like scoots her butt along until she learned to walk.  The things I'm going to miss. I want to hear a cute 'uh oh" or copying TV shows or her mother. 

True, I have two other girls at home here to watch grow up, but its just not the same. Min and her kids have this weird connection with me and that will never go away no matter how far they move away!  Dustin and I have don't have a connection like that let alone with his kids.  They just aren't that close with ...anyone and will take their kids and run off in a jiffy if they could.  Even on family vacations they run away from...family to be their own family.  Whatever.

And those girls are so little right now!  Soon they will be in their cute stages too.  Sorry boys, I love you, you had your 'cute' stages, but now its the girls turn and I want to see them more. 

And I don't even know when I'll see my Maylee again. 

But at least I get to say goodbye to them tonight when I come pick up a dog.  

Not much in my life will change cept for having a dog that I will stress over ALL the time and never want to leave him for a weekend or a day.   And everything about Min's life is going to change.  And I'm freaking out.  I wonder about her sanity. 

Oh Claine why do you do this to us?  This is all your fault!  All the tears that will be shed tonight in goodbyes are going to be your fault!  hehe jk.

I can never get a dog again.  I just can't.  They are too much work and stress.  They can't take care of themselves and I'm not around enough to do that.  I'm getting a cat after this dog and never going back to dogs.  Cats can take care of themselves mostly. 

I wonder how the boys feel about moving away and saying bye to all the grandparents and their dog.  I wonder what Maylee will think...   I wonder if my mother has feelings about this stuff yet.  Any emotion at all in there anymore?  Its going to be a lot quieter in that house without that family.  Mom and Dad will be empty nesters again.  Sometimes when their house is empty I often what purpose their is to visit them anymore.  They aren't around even if I did come home.  There's no point anymore.  Min was the one that held this all together and she's leaving! 

Being a single woman and feeling like I don't belong anywhere, physically alone in a condo, letting go of my only friend and boyfriend, at church with lots of strangers, and now even at home I wonder why I'm there and where I should be.  

But Min will take care of my baby girl.  And I'll be able to talk to them and Skype.  I'll go visit them. I will see their adventures through pictures they share like they did in CA. I'll be jealous of their adventures without me. But life will go on. 

"Darling don't be afraid.  I have loved for a thousand years.  And I'll love you for a thousand more." 

-Christina Perri:  A Thousand Years

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001 - Year 2005
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