1199
Feeling: productive

So Natalies family has been living with me off and on for about a week and a half. They said only the week and a half while she's in training at her new job, but now they claim they don't have money to go back to the Valley and live with Shelly.  They haven't asked yet, but I'm assuming they will come and go for the next two weeks going back and forth between me and Aubreys house.  Its hard for them. The last experience they had living with her cousin didnt work out so well.  They actually had rules in their house.  That must be hard for Natalie.  But she claims my house works because I don't have any kids so there's no butting of heads regarding discipline of children.  I might disagree with that opinion tho. Esp when it comes to coloring my tile floor with markers.  And she says Aubreys household runs a lot more like her own so it works better for her.  Arthur claims my house is too "immaculate" and feels more comfortable at Aubreys.  He refused to go back to Shelleys over the weekend.  I think two weeks with one family is too much.

As for me, well it hasn't been that bad.  I started some religion courses and self-help courses and pritti much have my day planned with things so I wasn't around my house a lot.  I go to work, come home and eat, and then go off to class, come home and sleep, and repeat.  The only issue I'd had is the weird things they accuse me of and plugging up my bathtub and blaming me all sarcastically.  That somewhat irked me.  My tub wasn't that bad before they came in... It still drained!  But I suppose between two girls' hair and the previous owners business I'm sure the tub will eventually need to be snaked at some point and a lot more drain-o.  So I'll wait until they are done adding to the mess and then I'll attempt to clean it out.  

And their whole weirdness thing is...different for me.  Arthur accused me of coughing all night long one night.  I said I wasn't coughing and he made some sarcastic remark like "surrree" and didn't believe me.  I really didn't cough that night.  But I suppose he wasn't going to believe me.  Who accuses someone of something weird like that and then not believe them when they deny it?  Do they accuse each other of these things at home together?  What's with the sarcasm too?  Maybe I feel I've learned to communicate without so much sarcasm...  

And then I lost some things of mine and texted them asking if they'd see it and I got like 5 questions back to my 1 question.  Needless to say I didn't get anywhere in finding my stuff, at least with their help.  In the mist of all those questions there was one sentence that said "I haven't seen it" (which was apparently the answer I was looking for) but then another question "what does it look like?"  haha.  If you haven't seen it you won't know what it looks like!  It was slightly frustrating I got no help in my lil time of need.  I don't ask that much of them.... It was just weird.  It was basic communication turned all weird.

So this week I didnt have any classes on Mon or Tues and I didn't plan anything cuz it was Sara's bday on Mon.  I asked if I could do stuff with Sara on her bday and they said they wanted to do a family thing at home.  Okay. I wanted to do something since it was my first free night in awhile.  I kept asking what they were planning on doing for their 'family night' at my house and they never gave me an answer.  So I didn't find out until I came home, scratch that, I still didn't know when I got home and asked them.  They made it clear tho that they couldn't stay in the house any longer, they were stuck there all day apparently and Arthur feels they were tearing the place apart and my place was too nice to destroy.  So I asked if they wanted to go do something for Sara's bday like I had asked before.  They didn't seem interested.  So they ended up going to Arthurs dads house.  I was not going there and I didnt think Sara should on her bday either, but whatever.  'Family time'. So I called Evan and we went out to use some coupons that expired the next day that we wanted to use.  

So I assumed since they blew my offer off last night to go do something fun for Sara's bday (I wanted to go to Nickelcade with them) that I would get to play with Sara last night. I learned texting them would give no results as to what the plan was tonight.  So I came home and found everyone dead asleep at like 5:30pm.  Oy vay.  This is gonna be a long night! The kids aren't going to sleep until like midnight tonight. I couldn't decide what to eat and if I should eat without them or try to make enough for them too, but eventually they woke up and it took until 7pm to wake up the kids first of all, and then to come up with a plan of McDonalds and then the Nickelcade I suggested. 

It seems silly, but I got the McWrap again and I opened it up the wrong way again, and it made me sad.  Why can't I eat a burrito looking thing the right way? Its not rocket science. 

We got to Nickelcade about 8pm and stayed until 9:30pm.  $5 to get us in, and $5 in nickels, it entertained us all for 1.5 hours.  That was kinda awesome and fun and cheap.  I saved like $6.25 with my coupon.  Woot woot. And they had never been so it was new for them and looked exciting for the kids and they liked it and want to go back.  Sara wants to go back tomorrow.  I'm glad she liked it. I'm glad I finally got to be able to take her.  I was wondering if they were gonna cooperate in letting me do something fun with Sara for her bday.  She's 5 years old and doesn't have a home! She should have fun!  Its a good age to celebrate. 

Natalie made a comment after Sara woke up that she looked like a homeless child and needed to comb her hair.  Arthur and I looked at each other, "Well, technically, she is a homeless child..."  And Natalie rebutts, "But I dont want her have that stigma"  So you just want her to pretend to be something she's not?  But somewhat of a hypocrite?  or what?  Despite her objections she didnt get around to combing her hair so she went out to play looking like the homeless girl she is.  hehe. 

And then theres my poor dog.  The real reason I was going to write in my journal.   I think he's gotten to the point that when I come to let him out to go to the bathroom he refuses to come back in the house.  I think he's had enough of screaming babies and children running around and him being/feeling stuck upstairs as he runs from them.  I made sure he had a place to run and hide when Natalies family came so he wouldn't get beat up on and lose his patience/temper.  But after week one, he's retaliating I think.  He paces my floor huffing and puffing when I go to bed like he wants me to let him outside and just shut the door.  He woke me up shoving my hands around and huffing and puffing in my face and that turned to whining.  Oy vay.  My dog needs a vacation.  And here I thought he'd have some company and wouldn't be alone and bored, but instead he's going crazy!   I finally got up this morning after his whining and plowing me and let him outside and he took off like he wasn't coming back.  Sigh.  I think he needs a walk tonight. 

So I decided to prioritize my day today and do what I could to help the dog gain his sanity back. The family is leaving today after work around 3pm and Arthur has the car to take the kids elsewhere during the day, so he should have a break or two during the day without them home and then he'll have all night by himself while I'm at class.  I'm not sure that will help him or make him go crazy more... so I'll take him for a walk before class.   At first I think I was his only sanity when I came home and/or they left, but now theres just no sanity, just open the door and run he thinks.  Poor Poor doggie. 

Next on priorities is unclogging the bathtub and sinks.  So I think I'll concentrate on getting the bathrooms cleaned and getting the draino to start working and leave it for the next few days.  And I haven't seen my roommate in like two weeks, well I never really SEE her, but there are usually signs of her being home at least once a week that I haven't seen for two weeks now so maybe I'll text her and make sure she's still alive...  Replacing the doorknob she broke isn't really a priority right now... cleaning the house after Natalies gone might be more of a priority... 

This weekend is Conference weekend and I've been thinking about going home to the valley.  I think I could paint my mothers kitchen like I've tried but theres always been kids in the house. She says the twins will be there so I dont know if that will work, but I can try it.  But then it will make me sad to go back to the house, the first time since Mindy left.  I have kinda avoided the house since she left cuz that was the last place she lived and last place I remember her kids running around.  It makes me sad.  And leaves me again with the weird feeling like they all died. 

And with the empty house with no kids and no sister, that leaves a weird empty feeling cuz I know I'm going to be alone like 50% of the time I'm at home cuz Mom and Dad are always off doing things and don't make any time for me.  I remember the last few times I went up and there and felt so... lost, lack of purpose, wondering what am I doing here?  I dont like that feeling with a house full of ppl, let alone an empty house. 

I watch TV and see empty nester mothers calling their daughters at college or whatever cuz they are bored and looking for someone to hang out with and their daughters always are too busy and blah blah.  I dont think my mother will ever do that... 

Maybe it'll help get my dogs sanity back tho.  And then theres the question of bringing the boy up with me or not.  I can't decide which would make me feel less alone or which alone feeling I want.  Sitting in the house by myself and the dog with no parents and feeling alone and missing my sister, sitting with my mother and doing nothing cept waiting for when she has to leave, or sitting next to a boy that does...nothing and the dog and feeling alone. Or maybe I should just stay home and actually be alone and save some gas!  Its weird to be afraid of being alone. I'm not used to being afraid of it.  But at my parents house, I am. It actually makes me depressed. I guess I'm happier with the idea that no one offered and I didnt ask them to hang out with me so I can be alone rather than feeling like no one wants to make time or effort to hang out with me and be alone. 

The other day the boy tried his manipulation skills on me again to try and get me to take him to the Valley with me this weekend.  Sigh.  He admitted he tried to manipulate me later that day and said he was sorry.  It makes me happy and...actually surprised that he recognized he did that, let alone almost verbally acknowledged it to me.  But it also makes me very sad that he does that in the first place.  And it actually makes me NOT want to take him with me more.  And I just know he's going to try and manipulate me into going to his parents house for Thanksgiving.  Sigh.  I just want to burst and yell something mean but truthful at him and say I dont want either of us going to either of our families activities for ANY holidays ANymore!  I'm sure that will spiral him into a depression and he'll stop talking to me for a few days.  Besides I have to take my dog with me everywhere I go for holidays now cuz I cant leave him at home like I used to and with Evans new car we don't have room for all of us.  Evan knows I'd pick my dog over him any day.

These holidays are going to be hard for Evan this year, I can tell you that now.  God please help him. 

On a side note:  With the government shutdown, the first in like 17 years, they have closed all the National Parks and other federal funded things.  I kept thinking it was a good thing we went to the National parks the 2nd week of Sept when we did, cuz the next week it was raining more and closing the parks and then not too much longer came this government shutdown.  If we had planned for late Sept trip to the parks we would be disappointed.  

And then Min moves up there by Washington and they close all those museums and national monuments, etc, so Min can't even explore the place she moved too and we can't visit her and the history places anytime soon!  Way to go Min, move up there and the government shuts down on us all. 

If could describe or draw a picture of what the government shutdown looks like to me I'd draw a big house with a bunch of babies/5 yr olds, a group on one side of the house, a group on the other (representing the House and the Senate), in suits and ties, pointing fingers at each other and comment boxes saying things like "Nuh uh!" "Yeah huh!"  "They started it!"  and "No, I wont do what you say!"  "He's touching me!!" and silly things like that.  And that kids, is why the government can't function, let alone do a grown up thing like compromise.  It really is a compromise situation I believe.  I think there have been offers to compromise and one side is just really really stubborn and believes they are right. Somewhat ironic this whole shutdown started because of Obamacare.... 

 

181 hit(s) Love, me  
This post has no comments.
Leave a Comment
Human Check: 5*1=


Entry List
1429
1427
1426
1425
1422
1418
1417
1416
1414
1413
1412
1408
1406
1402
1401
1398
1397
1394
1391
1389
1388
1387
1386
1385
1383
1382
1381
1380
1378
1377
1376
1374
1373
1372
1371
1370
1369
1368
1367
1366
1365
1363
1362
1361
1359
1358
1355
1354
1352
1350
1349
1348
1347
1346
1345
1344
1340
1339
1337
1336
1335
1333
1331
1330
1329
1328
1327
1326
1325
1324
1322
1321
1320
1319
1318
1317
1315
1314 - Baby Nicholas June 2015
1313
1312 - Baby Maggy June 2015
1311
1310
1309 - Baby Paul June 2015
1308
1307
1306
1305 - quotes
1304
1303
1302
1301
1300
1299
1298 - 2014 Chevy Cruze LT
1297
1296
1295
1294
1293
1292
1291
1290
1289
1287
1286
1283
1282
1279
1278
1277
1276
1275
1274
1273 - YSA Trip
1272
1271
1269
1268
1267
1266
1265
1263
1262
1260
1259
1258
1257
1255
1253
1251
1250
1249
1248
1246
1245
1244
1243
1242
1241
1239
1238
1237
1236
1235
1234
1233
1232
1231
1230
1229 -Year 2014
1228
1227
1226
1225
1223
1222
1220
1219
1218
1217
1214
1213
1212
1210
1209
1208
1207
1206
1205
1204
1203
1202
1201
1199
1198
1197
1196
1195
1194
1192
1191
1190
1187
1186
1185
1182
1180
1179
1178
1177
1176
1173 - Catori and Jaci
1172
1171
1170
1169
1167
1166
1165
1164
1163
1161
1160
1159
1158
1157
1156
1154
1153
1152
1151
1149
1148
1147
1146
1145
1144
1143 - Bday 25
1142 - Felicity Talamante
1141
1140 - Lasik
1139
1138
1137
1136
1135
1133
1132
1131
1130
1129
1128
1127
1126
1125
1124
1123
1122
1121
1120
1119 - Gunner Dallin Law
1118
1117
1115
1114
1112
1111
1110
1109
1108
1107
1106
1105
1104
1103
1102
1100
1098
1097
1095
1094
1093
1092
1090
1089
1088
1087
1086
1085
1084
1083
1082
1081
1080
1079
1077
1076
1074
1072
1071
1070
1069
1068
1067
1066
1063
1062
1061
1059
1058
1057
1056
1055
1054
1053
1052
1051
1050
1049
1047
1046
1044
1043
1042 - Mitchell Joseph...
1041
1038
1037
1036
1034
1033
1032
1031
1029
1028
1026
1025
1024
1023 - Bday 23
1022
1021
1020
1019
1017
1016
1013
1012
1011
1010
1009
1008
1007
1005
1004
1003
1001
1000
998
997
995
993
992
990
989
987
986
985
984
983
982
981
980 - Bucket List
979
978
977
975
974
972
971
970
969
968
967
966
965
963
962
961
960 - Year 2011
958
957
956
955
954
952
950
949
947
946
944
943
942
941
940
939
938
937
936
935
934
933
932
931
929
928
927
926
925
924
923
922
921
920
919
918
917
916
915
914
913
912
911
910
909
908
907
906
905
904
903
902
901
900
899
898
897
896
895
894
893
892
891
889
887
886
885
884
883
882
881
880
879
878
876
875
874
873
872
871
870
868
866
865
863
862
861
860
859
858
856
855
854
853
852
851
850
848
847
846
844
843
841
840
839
837
836
835
834
833
831
829
827
826
825
824 - Bday 22
822
821
819
818
817
815
814
813
811
810
809
808
807
806
805
803
802
800
798
797
796
794
793
792
791
790
789
788
787
786
785
784
783
782
781
780
778
777
776
775
773
772
771
769
767
766 - Year 2010
765
764
763
762
761
760
759
758
757
756
755
754
753
752
751
750
749
748
747
746
745
744
743
742
741
740
739
738
737
736
735
734
733
732
731
730
729
728
727
726
725
724
723
722
721
720
719
718
717
715
714
713
712
710
709
707
706
705
704
703
702
701
700
699
698
697
696
695
694
693
692
691
690
689
688
687
686
685
684
683
682
681
679
678
677
676
675
674
673
671
670
669
668
667
666
665
664
663
662
660
659
658
657
656
655
654
653
651
650
648
646
645
644
643
642
640
639
638
637
636
635
634
633 - Bday 21
632
630
629
628
627
626
625
624
623
622
621
620
619
618
617
616
615
614
613
612
611
610
608
607
606
605
604
603
601
600
599
598
597
596
595
594
593
592
591
590
589
588
587
586
584
583
582
581
580
579
578
577
576
575
574
573
572
571
570
569
568
567
565 - Year 2009
563
562
561
560
559
558
557
556
555
554
553
552
551
550
549
548
547
546
545
544
542
541
540
539
538
537
536
535
534
533
532
531
530
529
528
527
526
525
524
523
522
521
520
519
518
516
515
514
513 - Sara Marie Talamante
512
511
510
509
508
507
506
505
504
503
502
501
500
499
498
497
495
494
493
492
491
490
489
487
486
346
317
485
484
483
482
481
480
478
477
476
475
473
474
472
471
470
469
468
467
466
465
464
463
462
460
461
459
458
457
456
455
454
453
452
451
450
449
448
447
446
445
444
443
442
441
440
439
438
437
435
434
433
432
431
430
429
428
427
426 - Glimpses
425
423
422
421
420
419
418
417
416
415
414
413
412
410
409
408 - Poem
407 - Bday 20
406
405
404
402
401
400
399
398
397
395
394 - Cole Michael Andrew
393
392
391
390
389
386
385
384
382
381
380
379
378
377
376
375
374
373
372
370
369
368
367
366
365
364
363
362
360
361
359
357
356
355
354
353
352
351
350
349
348
347
345
344
343
342
339
340
338
337
336
335
334
332
331
329
328
327
326
325 - Year 2008
324
323
322
321
320
319
318
316
315
314
313
312
311
310
308
307
305
304
303
302
301
300
299
298
297
296
295
294
293
292
291
290
289
288
287
285
286
284
283
282
281
280
279 - LOVE
278
277
276
275
274
273
272
271
270
269
268 - Troo Wov
267
266
265
264
263
262
261
260
259
258
256
255
254
253
251
250
249
248
247
246
245
244
243
241
239
240
238
237
236
234
233
232
231
229
228
226
225
224
223
222
221
220
218
217
216
215
214
212
211
210
209
208
207
206
205
204
203
202
201
200
199
198
197
195
194
192
191
190
189
188
187
185
184
183
182
181
180
179
178 - Year 2007
177
176
175
174
173
172
169
167
166
165
164
163
161
162
160
159
158
157
156
155
154
153
152
151
150
148
147
146
145
144
143
142
141 - Year 2006
140
139
138
137
136
135
134
133
132
131
130
129
128
127
126
125
124
123
122
121
120
118
119
117
116
115
114
112
111
110
109
108
107
106
105
104
103
102
101
100
099
098
097
096
095
094
093
092
091
090
087
086
085
084
083
082
081
080
079
078
077
075
073
072
071
070
069
068
067
066
065
064
062
063
061
060
059
058
057
056
055
054
053
052
051
049
050
048
047
046
045
044
043
042
041 - Bday 17
040
039
038
036
037
035
034
033
032
031
029
030
028
027
026
024
025
023
022
021
020
019
018
017
016
015
009
014
012
013
011
010
008
006
007
005
004
003
002
001 - Year 2005
1239 post(s)