1204
Feeling: disturbed

Yesterday was my last 'summer' blast and my first taste of the fall season!

I went to Frightmares.  The whole day yesterday practically.  It didn't open until 11am so I got to sleep in.  I dropped my dog off at Gmas to babysit him cuz I didn't want him in the house for 12 hours with no outside potty time. Remember seeing his piercing brown eyes in the sunlight with his black face and grey beard and eyebrows staring at us when I left him there.  Aw, sad.  Imprinted look in my mind. 

Anyways, but then went to Frightmares and the first ride of the day, of course, is the white coaster! The ride I begin the day with and end it with. 

I sniffled and coughed through most of day.  We did almost all the bigger/popular rides in like 6 hours plus three haunted houses. The haunted house lines were super long even at 3pm when they opened.  But the lines for the rides were not long at all.  It was awesome.

They have new mexican food items there too which includes a salad like the ones at Cafe Rio, almost literally the same thing for about the same price which is prolly the only thing worth that much money in that whole park.  Of course everything is super expensive in the park.  But this salad was big, like Cafes, and I couldn't eat it by myself.  Worth the money. It was awesome.  

We did the haunted houses and the boy worked really hard on not chatting happily to all of the actors as we went through, it takes up a lot of time... But this time he just plowed through each room quickly and didn't stop to look at the cool effects.  He had a little issue with the doors....he saw the exit/door to the outside on the last haunted house and turned around and went back inside the house.... the actor thought he was a bit weird for a minute... Why are you coming back in? That's the exit... whatever.  But hey thats less embarrassing for me than all his chatting he did before.  I'm so proud of him for containing his nervous/scared ticks to have less embarrassement for me. I have to make the same sacrifices to not embarrass him either, ya know. 

It was cold pritti much all day for me.  I mean it got warm, like really warm, but not enough for me to give up my jacket cuz all you had to do was go in the shade and you'd be cold again.  They boy didn't want to bring like...coats, just a hoodie was all.  But I knew, we'd be freezing after 6pm so I made him bring more hoodies. I'm not sure he has a coat.  And sure enough after dinner/6pm he bundled up in three hoodies, long sleeve shirt, and t-shirt and had shivering spells.  Me, I brought my coat and put it over my hoodie and was fine.  I even brought boots to keep my feet warm.  I like the cold tho.  It beats waiting in the hot sun in long lines at the park during the summer.  I like freezing, short lines, and fall atmosphere better.

I'm usually the one that doesn't do 'upside down' rides very well.  They hurt my head and with my sinuses flaring up and super sensitive after being sick I didn't think this would go very well and I'd be back on downtime with meds again for the next week.  But I did Samuri and Air Race, thrown around and upside down and all that.  There wasn't much time of waiting inbetween with the short lines an' all so we didn't get to recover from each ride as quickly.  But I still survived!  It was odd, it was Evan that had a hard time with it this time.  He's never had a hard time with upside down and never requested NOT to go on certain rides.  This was new.  He'd always pressure me into going on rides I didnt know if I could handle, is it my turn?  He really did look pale after Air Race tho. 

So after dinner we spent the rest of the night watching the entertainment shows.  We had one more haunted house left.  The 'scariest' for last. We did this two years ago and well I remember it wasn't that scary, but Evan thinks it is.  Evan was fine doing all the haunted houses in the daylight and when the line were shorter cuz thats 'logical'.  But I wanted at least one house in the dark to give a scarier feel to it, even if ment a long line, which it did not in the end.    

Then we did Wicked again and the white rollercoaster one more time before the night ended.  We stopped and looked in some shops before the park closed at 10pm.  Then we headed off to pick up my dog and send sleepy Evan off to bed. It was kinda awesome, even with being somewhat still sick.  The first Halloween thing I got to do.  I like Frightmares because its such a variety of 'scary' things.  Its entertainment, its rides, its haunted houses, its food that lasts all day long as opposed to spending the same money and just going to A haunted house, or A corn maze, or An entertainment show/concert or something for a couple of hours.  

My last blast before winter and first intro to my favorite season!  woot woot. 

Side note: 

I find my relationship with Evan has a weird little twist....

I find that he feels he cannot tell me the things he does by himself....

And if he does, he mentions it as if he's guilty and/or doesn't want to make me mad...

Now, I am not mad that he does things on his own, without me, in fact, if I recall I have promoted that behavior from the beginning of our relationship saying quote, "we don't have to do -everything- together".  And I still stand by that.  I'm actually happy that he has learned he can do things by himself.  I'm happy it finally works.  Especially when we have friends, b/c well, for us thats rare, and we need to keep those relationships.  We want, or should want to keep those friendships whether or not our relationship works out or not.  Its okay to have friend time separate from girlfriend time.  Its somewhat healthy to balance this out.  That's what I've always loved about Resas relationship/marriage.  A perfect example. Anyways... 

But this weird 'can't tell her' about it thing is kinda disturbing me.

He'll only tell me what he did with some friend the other day if he falls into some type of trap, like movies for instance.  We usually see all these movies together, so when he sees one with someone else and doesn't want to see it again, he feels trapped when I mention I want to see that movie and he's already seen it. 

I don't understand why he wouldn't bring it up before hand, by himself, instead of waiting for that trap and having to 'confess' it. 

When something happens to you and you go and do things, most people have some feelings toward that activity, good or bad, whatever.  I know, I know, men don't express those feelings, but is that only reason he doesn't tell me these events he's had without me? 

Is this like a reverse psycology thing?  He gets hurt when I do things without him and tell him about it, so he doesn't tell me about his activities cuz he doesn't wan to hurt me? Does that even make sense?   He's normally the logical one, but is that really logical?  He already knows all the things I'm doing in life... I don't hide it, but maybe he wants me to? 

Does he partly feel like since I've 'broken up' with him that he feels he doesn't have an obligation to tell me about his life?   That its none of my business anymore?  Is that how he's reacting to being hurt that I broke up with him?  But he still wants to be invited to -everything- I do?

I don't really get it. 

He went to a movie with a group of people, and he ended up telling me eventually that he went to the movie with them, and he obviously had feelings about the experience cuz he told me some of it after he 'confessed' to seeing a movie without me.....so, why was it not okay to tell me about this when it happened and to tell me his feelings about it?  I'm still a friend, I still care about him.  I am sorry for him when his experiences weren't what he was hoping for.  I'm not a very good friend as far as comforting and such, but still... I think I'm an ok friend to hear about ppl's feelings. 

There's only one instance I lied to him about where I was going on Tues nights and it was because I was going to that Jerk class and that would definately hurt him if I told him I was going to learn to how to date normal, healthy people, let alone if I came home with all the thoughts and feelings I had about the class as I took it.  Only that one time!  And I did with the intention of not hurting him, not to lie to him, not be ashamed of doing things without him, not to be afraid that he'd want to come along and feel dejected when I said no, but pure intention of going and learning something for myself and how to be a better person. 

He doesn't outright tell me that he's going to his meetings on Weds, he doesn't tell me when he went to FHE and what they did, he doesn't tell me what friends he's been with that weekend.... These are not bad things at all!  These things are good! great things really, things not to be ashamed of, but he tells me eventually out of guilt like he got caught cheating on me or something weird like that.  Ugh.  Reminds me of Levi.  He can't talk to other girls when he's dating one. 

He knows what I'm doing on what nights.  He knows if I want to hang out.  He knows if I dont want to hang out.  And he, like I do, have the opportunity and right to either want to hang out or not at that specific time period.   Sometimes I say no, he can do that too!   We are both adults.  We shouldn't take it so personally when someone just wants some 'me' time.  And in the end, I mean, c'mon we all know that neither of us really have friends on hand all the time, so we kinda are each others only option when it comes to things to do together like tickets to something, we'll always have each other. We both still like going and doing things as single ppl with no kids. 

 

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001 - Year 2005
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