wow i just wrote a bunch of crap and it erased. that sucks. so i just got off the fone with this guy, and he confuses me so much. SO MUCH, i dont understand whats going on with him ever. one thing i do know is that he makes me very happy. so happy. dude ali is leaving tomorrow! idk what i will do without him for a whole month! ahh! i will miss him more than like u culd ever know! ::tear:: i wanna go walk to his house in about 2 and a half hours but like..i cant. i bet i wuld get in trouble. so...about my days... yesterday i was with my cousins and stuff and i stayed there last night also. yesterday we went and saw the perfect man. if there was such a thing. you know im always wishing people were better to me, but maybe i should be better for them. what a concept. i dont know. i try my best, and apperantly my best isnt that good after all. hmm..monday i had 5 hours of sleep, tuesday i had 2, and wednesday i had 4. thats not much. but i actually slept last night, like 10 hours. it was beautiful. lol. i slept all curled up in the corner haha. you know, for some reason i dont really like sleeping. i mean i do, i enjoy it and all, but i feel as though i miss things while im sleeping. but now that i think about it, sleep can be good in more than one way. i have heard all the ways it can be good for your health but like, also, when im asleep i wont have to feel pain, i wont get myself into trouble, i wont get yelled at, i wont have to deal with drama. maybe i should sleep more often. or maybe i shouldnt. so yeah i woke up and took a shower and stuff. then i ate a slice of pizza. oh, that brings me to another thing. eating. for some reason whenever i eat i either feel really sick like im gonna throw up or i feel like im going to burst. even if i only eat a little. i dont know why. tues and wed together, all i had was a slice of pizza which i ended up feeling sick and throwing up, and a burrito. i dont know. ud think id be skinnier. whatever. so back to that, i woke up. took a shower. ate. then we went to the beach and shopped and what not. while i was there ali called me and i felt horrible because i couldnt hang out with him and i really wanted to. it prollie meant more to me than it did to him. im going to miss him. after the beach, we went back to my cousins', then to my mom's work, then home. it was great lol. sarcasm. ..is it wrong to ask your friends not to do things that you do, or would do, yourself? i mean...the only reason is because you care about them more than you care about yourself. or atleast, i do. i dont know. i wish they understood. its hard to tell people how you feel. rejection is hard. acceptance is hard. life is hard. alright kids..i guesss im gonna go watch tv cuz i dont wanna sleep. (i feel liek roach saying "kids" lol) later