So there I was just sitting there minding my own business on my front porch playing with my Pete Wentz trading cards when these mean looking dudes rolled up with their "skrewdriver" t-shirts and rainbow suspenders and dock martin boots, and they were all like "hey can you give us directions to the nearest nazi paraphernalia store?" and I turned my head around and screamed "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!" and out comes mom busting through the door with a broom and started "shooing" those ruffians away, because as we all know brooms are nazis only weaknesses that is why the nazis invented vacuum cleaners and zip lock baggies during the WWII so people wouldn't need to own brooms but have their vacuums so they could do something involving torturing Jews and cheating at scrabble with. anyways those crazy teens with their bald/spiky hair left our property not without first kicking over our garbage can and lighting it on fire and peeing out the ashes and then performing some hocus pocus voodoo with it. or maybe they were just doing something they saw on the TV show "friends" which mom won't let me watch because Jenifer Aniston and Matt LeBlanc are no friends of hers. Long story short I learned to share that day because those young men also “borrowed” my Pete Wentz trading cards and to this day I haven't gotten them back, but I know I soon will because that is human nature to give back. That is why people are paying lots of money for carbon credits to “give back” to mother nature for supplying them with clean oxygen that can also be used to do laundry with and clean the kool aid stains from off my shirts that gets spilled from my Thomas the train sippy cup. P.S. I am sick of people always ripping on Pete Wentz saying that he has no talent that he is just a crappy bass player for a crappy band with a horrible singer/guitar player who still has more talent then Pete Wentz because he wears less make up and black hair dye then Pete does because he wasn't sexually solicited on the Internet when he was little because he stayed away from situations like that because he was always too busy playing video games on the fox kids web site that use to have a magazine but got rid of it shortly after september 11th because they claimed that they wanted to help out the war by not wasting paper, even tho owning paper had nothing to do with the war, then they even had the nerve to get rid of their after school tv shows so fox could replace them with “judge Judy” and that then caused kids to have nowhere save to watch tv so they either experimented with drugs or learned how to domestically abuse their wifes and or girl friends from stuff they learned on judge Judy from all the mexicans that they saw on there, mexicans smell like farts just like Ashley Simpson, Pete Wentz's wife or something that they decided to “go along with” so they could be on tv because neither one of them actually has any musical talent because you can't just buy that kind of stuff unless you are the jonas brothers, well actually excluding the one who has down syndrome that plays a cheer leader on their faggy little tv show.

So anyways i made my time machine and i went into the future and sent this email back in time so people can read it! ya the future is cool because i am here and your not because most of you die in the second coming. no not the second coming of Christ but the second coming of Michale Jackson ya he made a come back, a big one! and most people started to panic and then they all hung themselves with.... with... with those one things that you use to do stuff with. ya those things! you know what i mean. well anyways his come back was K Razy! ya that bad and he started to dance and touch himself inappropriately and i got offended and so did the world leader. and this is how MJ's song went. "A goopa goppa geepa goppa bud ba ba! I say a goopa goppa geepa goppa bud da ba! A ruuup ba baa! A ruuup ba ba, a chooga chiga chiz! cha cha Chizzz cha cha! a deep ba roop a budda bud baa a cheep jop gaup gap gup! geepa do ropa dup da!" that is how it went. no joke ya the future is good, and it is even better because mom is here with me! ya i made the machine big enough for two! and i had room for extra socks! hooray! but when i first got out of the machine the only thing i could say was " I never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, shever,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, ever! never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, never! ever, never, NIRVANA!!, never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, nurver,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, ever, never,never, uver, never,never, ever, never,cever, ever, nevereno row, ever, never,never, ever, never, seen such a good thing in my whole life!" well i got to go and get tucked in good night by mom, i got to grow! ha ha ha get it?! you grow in your sleep! and grow rhymes with go! ha ha ha lol lol!

I'm sitting in my room last night, just by myself playing with my Rossie O'Donnell action figures and mom comes running downstairs screaming at me for leaving juice stains on the kitchen counter tops. She said that if she had a quarter for every time that I misbehaved, she would have enough money to buy the happiness that I've taken away from her. She also said if I screw up just one more macaroni picture depicting Michelangelo's, "The Last Judgment", she would sell me to a nice family on a farm so she could still buy happiness. On her way out she broke all of my Lego creations which included the Lego McDonalds I made when I was 35. I didn't know it was going to turn out this way. I think I’m just going to run away and join the circus or something. P.S. Don't tell mom my intentions of running away. She might just try stopping me in the doorway with promises of cherry pie. She's does this every time I threaten to join the circus. P.P.S. Tell Goo-goo the dinosaur that I'll be back for him if I make it out of the front yard ok.

Well, sorry that it has been so long since I posted last time. I've been really busy with school stuff (home school is a LOT of work, LOL :) and extra-curricular activities, like cooking dinner for my dad. My mom said that I should expand my horizons, and she wanted me to be on the debate team. But the high school wouldn't let me join their team because they said I'm too old, but I really think it's because they discriminate against home schooled students because they know we are superior. Well, LOL, the jokes' on them b/c I'm going to compete as an unaffiliated contender at the next tournament, and I'm going to win because of my superior education and my mom's superior pedagogical methods. I know what you're thinking, that the word pedagogical looks a lot like pedophile, but its' not, and stop being gross. And let's see, what else have I been doing in my really busy life since we last talked? I had a date for the prom, but my mom got called in to work that night right when we were about to go. Her boss is such a Poindexter sometimes. I would just beat him up and lock him in one of those display gun safes they have at Wal-mart if he weren't so much bigger than me. ROTFLMFAO!!! I forgot the whole reason for this post! Happy Turkie day everybody!!!! I had such the best thanksgiving dinner. My mom made me help her do the potatoes. My dad is a big lazy butt at thanksgiving (I hope he doesn't read this, LOL !!! :-P ) and he just watches football all day in his underwear. Well, my mom makes him put his pants on for dinner, but he doesn't always wear a shirt LOL! I should take this opportunity to say what I am thankful for, so I don't disappoint Santa and can be a good boy and get lots of fun toys for Christmas!!! I am so thankful for my parents kicking my mean little brother out of the house and letting me live in his room in their basement. I am always afraid that he is going to come back and kick me out of his room, but my mom said the "restraining order" will keep him away from me. I think that's is some kind of Jedi Mind Trick thing, an order that makes people stay away and obey. I wish I had Jedi power like my mom does!!! Maybe if I study hard at home school I can learn that one!!! I am thankful for the turkeys who bravely sacrifice their lives so we can eat them for our special occasion! That is so nice of them to do that for us!!!! I should do something nice for them in return!! I am thankful for potatoes and stuffing (but not for yams, I hate them *gag* LOL :) I am thankful that they made SpiderMan 3, because it is such a cool movie!!! Peter parker is such a cool guy, and Mary Jane is such a hottie!!!! I have the *biggest* crush on her!!! *gushes* maybe she will sign my SpiderMan 3 velcro shoes for me!!! LOL *crosses fingers* 8-D. TTYL

So lately I've been noticing, fruit loops are truly but simply amazing. Yesterday morning I was eating a bowl full when I noticed that they have the exact same colors of the rainbow! I know, I know, you might not have noticed but trust me, they are all there. And sometimes you will be eating them, and there will be two of them stuck together! it is almost as great as winning the lottery. I wouldn't know personally, because mom says gambling is what Mel Gibson does before making every movie, and they are all just as bad as small pox. Also if you hadn’t already noticed, on the Illusionist, that wasn’t Don Maclaireck starring, it was Edward Norton! That guy is just amazing! Truly brilliant. He once made my nose disappear, and then three weeks later, it reappear! Now another thing I have been noticing is why are wasps always so mad all of the time?!! Seriously, I haven’t met one wasp that hasn’t either stung my in the butt, or the face, or quietly flown by with out flipping me off. Until I do meet one like that, I’m just going to assume that all wasps are really tools of Gary Gygex, better know as “the guy who invented Dungeons and Dragons.” Really I’m not joking, that guy is a creep, one time he walked up to me, touched my leg and said, better luck next time. It was at my little league baseball game where my team lost to his team that he was coaching at the time, but it wasn’t fair for him to rub it in my face. What a jerk! I was also thinking that Green shower curtains both look really good, and are Cheep to make.

oh man it has been so freaking long since I last used this site! oh man! my mom got mad at me and locked me in the basement because she said I was talking to Orlando Bloom and giving him my social seceritey number. It didn't really happen, it was just some hobo in the street who needed a quarter to buy himself some rum or some voodoo. ya she said I was only going to be locked up for a week, but she forgot about me and now she owes me big. Because while I was in there I missed my birthday, Jesus's birthday and my pet dinasour goo goo the dinasours birthday. But i forgive her beacause she lets me live in the house still. Oh and then I dropped my car keys into the chipper shredder one day, and I went head first into it to get the keys back and i left the machine on and it cut my very badly, and my mom had me bottle the blood so she could use it at one of her gang inituation things. She is so cooL! when i grow up i want to be my mom. And i'm going to live in a big house with tons of lawn nombes all over the place. and the children will come from miles and miles just to see them and i'll have a lemonaid stand in my front yard and share drink with all of the youngin's. yep growing up is so cool because you get more hair and more hair means more ice cream sandwhiches according to something that i once read. i think. wait wiat wait. i don't think that happened.I'm craving some kool aid right now. but i can't let mom know about it beacause drinking kool aid is the "kool way to get aids" so i got to be careful well c ya. OH MAN THAT WAS SO COOL! I SPELLED "see" WITH A "C"!!! I'M SO COOL! JUST LIKE THE HULK OR BATMAN! OR THE POKEMON! I LOVE POKEMON I GOING TO GO WATCH SOME RIGHT NOW!

Ok so I was watching some old re-runs of happy days with my mom a while back and I made the greatest discovery... No it's not a new tooth brush or a new shoe that makes you hop scotch any better, but I found out how to keep it real. And here is the the list of the instructions. 1.find a wall to lean against. 2.lean against the wall. 3.fold your arms. 4.lift your right leg and put it on the wall. 5.bob your head up and down. 6.have a toothpick in your mouth, (no cigarettes my mom says Satan uses cigarettes to trick you into watching American Idol which is also a sin.) 7.wear sun glasses, (any one who wears them is cool just like Tom Cruise.) Speaking of tricks always keep your guard up against the Loc-ness monster he tricks you into giving him 3.50 and he buys candy with it that he poisons and gives out to trick or treaters, also Bill Gates is a sin too. yep that is the worst sin my mom says because he kills kittens and makes hobos work for hours and only gives them a half eaten hot dogs. yep but this discovery will change all of our lives for the better I hope not like the damn internet that is for pervs who look at porn. Oh crap I just swore! if my mom sees this she will kill me with a bar of soap oh man I wish this key board had some sort of a button that can fix your mistakes or go back into time so I didn't make the mistake, like a time machine button oh ya I once tried to build a time machine out of a card board box and some saran wrap but I ran out of card board and I could only go to the present with the machine but maybe one day I can fix my mistake with the time machine by going back into time and get a bigger box, a shoe box is way to small for a growing boy my mom said when I made it when I was 30. so if you want to keep it real you can follow my instructions I have listed.Yep time machines are a thing of the past but now If I can make the time machine key for my keyboard that will be pretty cool. And I will be rich enough to afford the bus fair so I can go to the arcade. G2G which means got to go.

Ok so one day I was sitting in my mom's basement and I was just making jello shapes and out of nowhere a giant rainbow of smoke hit me in the back of the head and it hurt like hell, because that rainbow of smoke was hell! And a demon came out a started to scare me. I don't know why he did. but I might know why, well does anyone remember all of those churches being burned to the ground in the south? well I did most of them . But I don't know why a demon would be pissed, I think they would be happy for me. Well anyways he started opening our freezer and eating all of our hot pockets and otter pops! so I was mad because those were my otter pops and I don't have to share them. well that is what my mom told me. well anyways I through a bible at him and he kicked my ass with a chair that was in the room. and then he left and I have not seen him since. But I do go and play golf on the weekends and I think the man who works in the ball shop might be an evil wizard! ya and he uses the balls to spread his evil through out the golf course! O I have to go my mom needs to tuck me in good night. So I have to go and catch some z's with my net that I keep under my pillow, it is also my leprechaun catcher also the best bait for leprechauns is not luck y charms no it is co co pebbles! well got to go!

Hi my name is Bill. I won't be giving my last name for secerity reasons. Some people want to kill me 'cause I witnessed their crime. Well anyways I am 45 and I am not married and I am going bald so I have to comb over my hair to look like I have a head full of hair. And I have the coolest mom in the world she lets me live in the basement and she lets me use the car when she doesn't need it. But I can only drive in a 30 mile radius. She's the best. Well I use to be in school a week ago but it is summer vacation so I'm living it up now. I dropped out of school when I was 12 because all I wanted to do was to color and watch cartoons. Well I want to get a job at K mart but you need at least a 10th grade education so I'm back in school. Oh ya it is home school too. Because I was in regular school but the kids picked on me so I went to a charter school were the kids also picked on me. So I now I'm in home school were I get picked on by my brothers. It is pretty sad. I spend most of my day eating cereal and reading Dr. Suess books. And ocasually I like to go to the carpet store to smell the different types of carpet. (red smells the best). And I do that until I get kicked out for it, well they claim I get snot on their carpet but I really don't (I eat them usally, but shhh! don't tell). So if you want to meet a single guy you know who talk to.