i remember when he first saw them. there were seven. seven perfectly flawed lines, hard dark ridges of deception. i promised. i promised. and when he met my eyes, i could have melted, dripped into a puddle of humiliation and shame, just a small sticky puddle and my eyes and his eyes and my eyes and nothing more or less than the looking of eyes. there were other puddles too; pools of brine formed rivulets and streams pouring into salty rivers into oceans of grief and i promised... with his arms around me i shook and he shook and earthquakes could not have moved us as much as we were moved by seven inches of line, seven little lines that could have broken us, shattered us into stained-glass windows... the only thing holding us together: poison. but we didn't shatter, sometimes the shaking of two is less than the shaking of one and maybe, just maybe, we can work this out.

sometimes, i just really want a love letter. my relationship wth my boyfriend is atypical, to say the least. we have never been a very sappy, sentimental couple; instead, we opt for more unique ways of expressing our love. instead of using pet names, we call each other curse words. instead of slow dancing, we go to concerts, and instead of writing love notes, we make up silly songs about cameras or pirates or any number of inane, random things. even "our" song is unique- "the postman" by american analog set, which is about unrequited love. and this sort of relationship works for me. i love it. but sometimes, i would love to get a note from him saying that he is thinking of me. i don't expect a hollywood romance, and i don't want a clark gable to sweep me off my feet. it would just be so nice to get a note, or random flowers just because it is tuesday.... i do love him

introductions are always painfully awkward. lets skip it, shall we? on second thought, i think a little awkwardness is necessary for me to be able to dive in like this. this is to be a public journal that is more about private things. i am relatively new to this, so forgive me if it is a little boring and self-absorbed, but it is, after all, about yours truly. i am: 16 years old female atheist liberal in love quiet an avid bukowski reader a former cutter a music fanatic self-conscious introspective a bookworm i suppose that is really all i have to say about myself. it is odd to be writing about myself like this, in a way that is not meant for my friends or family to see. i can write about anything here... i'm not used to that. i used to keep a journal similar to this one, until it was found by my boyfriend. anyone who reads this is welcome to visit my public page, but i dearly hope that none of you betray my identity to those i know; this journal is to be kept in the strictest confidence. not that i've written anything worth gossiping about yet anyways...