I use to have a sit diary blog and forgot my user name and password it was years a go when i use to come on here. But now i just need a place to put my thoughts down once again because i am lost and so confussed my life has taken me in to many directions for a twenty year old. Not even a year ago i was in a seven year relationship, i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy. Even though he put me through hell and back i still loved him, maybe i was nieve. He cheated on me mulitpl times and i still stay through all the fights drug abuse , felony charges i was still there picking up the pieces for him, when i should of been concentrarting on myself. Now i am twenty years old never have been to colleage and now am living at home again, and started dating someone new. First we were just seeing eachother not exculisive and about a month ago we became esculisve and his ex keeps txting him and talking to him, im terrified. She loves him and is lost without him and he feels bad, and i now feel as i am second best she was his first love, and who am i? I am just the girl he started seeing and says he loves... But deep down i dont think he loves me i think he loves her. I feel like the rebound, and i just want to run and hidde i dont want to tell him how i feel i dont want to cry but i do i want to feel emotion i want to be able to show it but for some odd reason i cant show it. I feel so lost i feel betrayed i feel like i am not good enough for anyone. And im scared, maybe i should be alone or maybe i am suppoes to be treated like shit. I just want to be loved and treated well, doesnt everyone want that? the fairy tale relationship the fairy tail ending? I want that but i dont think im going to get it. Im not going to get it not with him... Cuz as we speak he is with her. Yesterday he was suppoes to spend the day and night with me took me out on a romantic dinner then dropped me off at 10 pm to go talk to her parents and her! like fuck you wtf dude. I felt like such shit yet still i packed my things to mett him at his house for 11 30pm and waited for him to come back. I feel like such a fool. And now he is with her and her parents out to lunch. And he tells me he hasnt been showing them the attention they desver from him. Are you kiddding me?! This girl tld me off on my facebook and he stuck up for her. I dont know what to do, should i just leave and not say a word or tell him how it is or just let him read this? I just feel so lost. I feel like i am the rebound am I? Am i just someone to get your mind off of her after you two have been broken up for almost a year. I dont think i can do this. I cant pretend i am happy when all i am doing is worrying, and hurt. I think im just going to disapper from his life. Thats the only thing i know to do...