My sister is in her first healthy relationship and now it's sinking in...

Sex really is everything. Without it, you can't have a normal relationship. If you can't have a normal relationship, then you're going to be alone.

I know it's my own fault, but I'm alone. My sister was my only friend, and my best friend. Now she's too pre-occupied with university, social life, and her boyfriend. It was never that way before, when her bipolar disorder and social anxiety disorder were crippling, she was struggling in school as I am (or so it seemed - she made all A's, and I made my first D), and she was in an unhealthy relationship, just like I am now. I realize that I probably should end the relationship, but I can't. I can't imagine being all alone, no friends, struggling in school, unable to keep a job, and my family fed up with me.

I want to be normal, but it seems that any hope of me helping myself is just completely unrealistic.
I went to physical therapy, and then my insurance messed that up. I went to a counselor, but she was not a good counselor and made me feel like I can't go to one again. Doctors have been either puzzled, unhelpful, or harmful. Really, though, it's not the physical disease that matters, it's the mental illness.

It seems I've been traveling down a very steep road towards self-sabotage. I am almost mirroring what my sister went through around this time in her life. Severe depression, anxiety, some amount of social phobia, fear, paranoia, extremely low self esteem and low self confidence, worrying and what-ifs, nervousness, self-doubt, and even anti-social behaviors. On top of that, I don't want sex, and am destroying my already unhealthy relationship.

Perhaps if I could just start over. If I could move into a place by myself, like she did. Take my classes and volunteer full time until I can get a job. I bet I could get a job after three months of volunteering, maybe six with my poor work record. If I could just get on the right track, either by keeping a job for more than two months or by getting all As and Bs and no withdrawals, then I could start to recover. If things keep going wrong, I don't know if I have the strength to deal with it.