Sitting on a rusty step ladder, watching the sun die in violent hues and sink beneath the trees I prayed last night. Slapping at misquitoes I looked upwards and poured my heart out. "Our almighty Lord" I began, "Hear me. I'm weak and confused. I want to be a good person, I want to feel your love. Lord, soften my calloused heart and push the numbness out to make a home. Help me with this anger that fills me, help me with my apathy and destroyed esteem. Lord, you're suppost to be a father and I want you to guide me to take me into your arms and help me. Close my lips, help stop the lies my life revolves around. Help stop this anger and revenge that fules me and destroyes me. Give me a soul." I paused, watching the bats that swooped over my head before turning my head. I watched the cats play in the weeds to gather my thoughts. How long has it been? "Lord," I wispered. "I ask forgiveness for the blasphemy and my anger directed at you. I have denied you for little more than a decade.." has it really been that long? "I've cured your existence in your holy places, I could blasphem so easily..Forgive me, papá, Protéjame" Tears welled in my eyes but didn't break. I listened to the crickets for a bit; their melody soothed me as much as it could. In my heart, silence. I felt the familiar ache but nothing more. I shook my head and teetered on my seat before jumping off and running inside. The screen door slammed and its hinges protested but were ignored. I made my way to the back of the house, grabbed the bible from the shelf in the bathroom and slammed my bedroom door. I turned the radio to a christian station, flinging my tarot cards off my bed. Blowing dust off the book I began to read. The stories were familiar; I knew all about the bible. It was a detached curiosity when I was younger and I go to church so I've read most of it. It never ment much to me before. Still nothing. I think God's dead. I can't let myself believe that. I have to believe in something. Someone.