Everything is just soo messed up now. I don’t like it at all. I dunno I just feel out of it. Im tired more often, and I walk around like I have no feelings. Its just soo messed up. I wish I could find a solution somewhere. For now I’m turning to my art. I cant exactly talk to my mom. She’s not exactly one of the most understanding people, but hey shes there for me when I really really need her. What I mean by that is in money and what not. I hate how they compare me to their friend’s children. I’m sick of it. I just want to drop piano, but no. They would never let me considering how much money they have spent on all those lessons and what not. Somedays I just want to give up and I don’t know run away I guess. But I know I cant. I know that im just 14, but if my parents pass away I’m completely responsible for my little brother. Heck im resposible for him now. It’s just screwed. If my older brother ever does anything wrong all my parents anger just gets focused on me. Its not exactly the funnest thing to feel. I mean they don’t yell at me, they just give me those creepy looks like this is all your fault. I blame myself for everything now. I know that its stupid but I just end up blaming myself. Hopefully I would stop that. I really do need to.

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