I feel strange which is okay because at least it's a feeling.

Sometimes driving and listening to Kanye West is the only thing that can bring me back into my original gangsta' self.

So today my fish died. Everything I come in contact with dies, so stand back.

The only joy in my life is listening to The Mars Volta sing in spanish and eating oranges. If you want to know the key to my heart, sing in spanish and eat oranges with me. Hooray.

Have you ever had that feeling that everything you do is for no reason at all? I feel like that today. What is the reason for this? What was the reason for eating oatmeal this morning? Anyway, I really want to see March of the Penguins. I'll pay you to see it with me...

I'm home. Fuck, so is he.

I don't really know what to say. I want to explain, but then I don't because it's kind of weird thinking about how anyone could be reading this. I think I'll be gone forever. My parents can't get their crap together. I hate not having anyone to talk to. Goodnight.

Someday we will be strong. Someday we will be happy. Someday we will be okay. Someday we will not cry. Someday we will not hurt. Hurry up someday.

Tomorrow I turn sixteen. I'm actually not very excited. That is all.

It's been far too long. The new Hot Hot Heat cd is fantastic. I rode my bike to three stores to find it yesterday. THREE! Let's talk.

My new project for the year is to take a picture everyday. I called myself in sick from school today. I fainted in the morning and decided it would be nice to not go. Since no one was home, I took out the car. I ended up going to the library, renting the incredibles, and then I wrote by the river.

Sometimes I like to ride my bike to White Hen and buy raisins because there is nothing in my house but old milk and some bread. I need to stop being so negative and channel in on some happy unicorn type thing. That may sound weird, but perhaps a mythical horned horse will help me. Either that or some good conversation.

I don't plan on sleeping tonight. Yes, it is an unwise decision because of my volleyball tournament in the morning but, I simply cannot close my eyes and be subjected to my thoughts. I plan on watching disney movies in an attempt to make myself feel better. It's really quite dumb of me to think that I can make things right between myself and a certain person. My inability to communicate makes me sick. I'm hated. It hurts. a lot.

Ben Gibbard is my best friend.

I wrote this last night at about 1 AM. Enjoy. "It's going to be a good season" said a man with a farm. "The weather will do, the temperature's right, the rain will come, and they will stretch in the night." A few buds kissed the surface and rejoyced in glee they yelled, "No flower or plant will grow taller than me" and they sprouted and they squirmed until the touched the man's arm He winked at his wife and said, "This year's the charm" He took a step back and admired his crops the sun began to leave, and the signs flipped on the shops again the flowers continued to grow. They laughed with the wind and they wept with the snow. Droopy eyelieds caressed the man's face his wife was gone and he felt out of place A harsh winter summoned and the flowers quit They shivered and cried and threw raging fits They bargained and bribed to be new and refreshed but the sun never came, the land no longer was blessed The man let out a sigh and shed a few tears feeling lonesome from the sky and completely used from this year He'd pray every night for new growth or some help Then one day the snow started to melt The roses reached up, the daisys stood tall, the bluebonnets, the poppies, the grand and the small They joined in leaves and started whistling a melody the man smiled sheepishly and he started tellin' me, "It doesn't matter how long it takes, we all make progress, we all make mistakes. Sometimes winter feels like it never ends, but if you keep your chin up, the weather will bend. It's okay to cry and it's fine to pray as long as you know spring is on it's way." If anyone has heard of the band An Angle, you will know what I'm talking about when I say...Wowza, the lead singer sounds identical to Conor Oberst. Today I had a volleyball tournament and we lost every game. YOU should listen to Bloc Party because they sound like Interpol, Sonic Youth, and The Cure (Pre-1985) all rolled into one.

I've officially decided I'm not a fan of English essays. However, I used to be. The feeling of accomplishment after writing a good essay is unbelieveable and I don't know, it used to put me in a good mood. Today was wear your favorite college sweatshirt day at school. Pardon me, but I don't have a favorite college. I wore a sweater on it that said "DI" which is my cousin's school. For the sake of extra credit, we get extra credit if we participate in spirit week, I told my teachers it meant "Doloris Institue" and it was an unknown school in Utah. Mwahaha, little do they know I'm milking them for their extra credit. Right now I am procrastinating writing this essay. Yee haw. I'm a procrastinating cowgirl.

For once, I enjoyed today. School was fun, home was decent, and I'm confident in the chemistry department. I've got an english test tomorrow, I've prepared myself for that by making up songs and I'll listen to them while I sleep. I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. Oh yes, Otis and the rest of the Temptations are on my side today. On another note, all of you should rush out to the store and buy "As big as the sky" from AM sixty. It is worth every penny, scouts honor. I want to A.) fly a kite B.) go sledding C.) color in some coloring books Who's with me?

You know you're going crazy when you sit alone at a party and read Better Homes and Garden magazine. Thanks for making things awkward, I love the way I can't even be in the same room with you because waving hello is like a shotgun to your head. Sorry.

I've been under the weather for the past two days, yet I haven't missed a full day of school. I went home early on Thurday and I came late of Friday. Whoot Whoot. Actually, no whoots...I wanted to stay home. Oh well. I talked to my friend from Canada today. Two whole hours, it was nice. I haven't heard from her since the summer, so we had mucho catching up to do. Tonight I'm going on an over-night snowboarding trip. I am very very very excited. I get to "shred" the slopes. Mmmm. Shred. Shred always reminds me of the evil villain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which makes sense because his name is Shredder. Another high point of the day was this sweet show on the History Channel. Man oh man, do I love that channel. Nerd alert.

87% on chemistry, Yes'm. Today is my cousin's birthday. I called him and sang. I hate half-melted snow. My lunch table made me beat-box for them today...story of my life.