his is what I have so far in my notebook. At least this one. I write it when I can in class, so don't expect all too much. ---------------------------------------------- Two years, three months, and twelve days since Jonathan Liverpool to fight the Germans in Arnhem. The only thing I have left to remember him is a picture of us on a picning together in July, just a few weeks before he left. It was a beautiful day, with a warm wind filled with dragonflies, seemingly to keep our minds off what we knew was coming. He has the most beautiful eyes anyone has ever seen, the deepest most vibrant green. The green that comforted and frightened you, the eyes that can be trusted with anything at all. The only thing keeping me from crying as he got on the train was his eyes as he promised we would go on a picnic as soon as he got back. I used to laugh at him, calling his promises "nothing but words", just to get a rise out of him. That was the thing about Jonathan, since I'd met him I'd never seen him tell a lie or break a promise. He was quite simply the most trustworthy man I have ever met. Two days after he left I took the trains to see his mother Jules, his mother. See my parents passed away a few motnsh after I had met him, and his mother took me as a daughter very quickly. We'd been engaged nearly a year, and she was pushing for us to finally get married, but we didn't want to rush, we wanted everything perfect. In all honesty I didn concided Jules a mother. As soon as I stepped off the train, I stepped into her arms. We both broke down into the most filled tears I'd ever felt. The tears rolled, filled with all the fears and worries of him, slowly making both of us feel better. Some kind of pressure had been released, and our embrace felt like it was infinite, heavenly, and I hoped it would never end. Of course it did though. "oh sweety, how are you holding up?" she asked, not really warrenting an answer. "I'm fine, I'm fine." I managed to push out."I just miss him so much..." The next thing I knew we were in a taxi and speeding to her house, where I would be living for the next while. A few hours of quite understanding and we were there. I wouldn't say she lived in a city, rather a nameless community. In the middle of no where there were a dozen or so houses along a singly street. Her's was a particulalry gorgeous house. It was every woman's dream, white walls, with a window overlooking the yard and garden, with a white picket fence holding in all the beauty. As I drank it all in, I discovered her trap. Inside I could see what must have been two dozen women, all in an assortment of brightly colored party dresses. Many of them, I couldt tell, were already widows of the war. You could tell by the dresses. Something about the dresses gave them away. It gave away that their hearts were absolutely shattered. Jules started introducing me to several women, most several years older, and a few of my own age of twenty two. After what seemed like an endless amount of "This is Jonathan's fiance" and "He just left" introductions, I felt like leaving for the war myself. I felt like I had nothing but everything in common with these women, and I didn't, in all honestly, like any of them. Then Jules introduced me to a women named Amanda. I took a liking to her instantly. She was a little taller then me, and quite tan in comparison. She had incredible blonde hair, down to her neck in curles. She had a face that was as intoxicating as it was plaine. She was my opposite in nearly every ways, me being a short brunette with the whitest skin of anyone I know. I found myself staring, which was abruptly ended as she asked me if I and Jonathon were married. "actually no, were engaged to be married once he comes back." "Well I'm sure you'll be quite happy. Do you know where you'll have the ceremony?" "Well were trying not to rush our plans, to take things slow." I heard myself say, but it was Jonathon who wanted tot ake it slow. I wanted to dive into marriage headfirst. "Well then what do you have planned then silly?" "Well the day we comes back he promised we woould go on a picnic." "Well isn't that just precious! I've only ever been on one myself" she added. "It didn't go so well, the clouds were out to spoil the whole day." I then realized that I knew almost nothing of her. "Do you have a husband?" I blurted out, not realizing the implications it could have. The look on har face shifted slightly. "I did, my sweet Nathan passed away a few weeks ago." "I'm so sorry...what happened?" Of course I knew, but I had to ask. "Well he was hurt in the war, and slowly died due to an infection in the wound." "Thats terrible, I'm so sorry." "It isn't all that bad. He died slowly, but it didn give us a few weeks together. Most of the other women here never got to say goodbye to their loved ones." As she said it, I thought I saw a tear roll down her cheeck, but was mistaken. I didn't know what to say. I'd only mwt most of these women, but I felt such deep sorrow for all of them, and a newfound bond with Amanda. The war had created a deeprooted bond between all women. The war had taken both our loves away, but hopefully I would get mine back. Within a few moments I found our onversation coming back to the picnic. Although a sweet idea, I hadn't put much thought into it at all. It had been just something that we would do, not something that was to be special. According to Amanda, it was something that needed to be planned, starting then and there. The next day we took a train to Main St., which was actually a town full of shops, but no houses. Amanda and I went from shop to shop saying "ooh thats cute!" or "That looks nice!" buying things to make the picnic even more special. We bought the best bread and wine we could find. At about the twentieth or so store we wound up in a shop called "la libellule", a beautiful dress shop filled with seemingly hundreds of dresses and gowns. We went through many dresses, but were, in general, disapointed witht he selection. on the way out, something caught my eye. Wedged in between two of the ugliest dresses I'd ever seen, I saw a sliver of his eyes, a sliver of green beauty. "wait a second!" I yelled at Amanda. I nearly tripped into the rack I was so excited. It was an incredible party dress, that must have been twenty years old. It was in great condition, a few tears here and there but for the most part perfect. "It's perfect!" Amanda squeeked out. "Its going to look perfect on you!" We rushed home and I put it on. "What do you think?" I asked pathetically. "You look dazzling!" she said with no pause at all. "A few tears to mend, but all in all perfect!" I didn't know at the time that Amanda was the best seamstress in south Britain, but I had no time to wodner anyway. Before I knew it I was in a complete dress, no tears no rips. I gazed in the mirror. "You think I look ok? Do you think he'll like it" I added. "Sweety he's gonna go crazy!" she exclaimed. As soon as I got home, I noticed Jules looked particularly happy. As I stepped in with the bags, she showed me a letter, and my bags hit the floor. He was to come home on Tuesday, July 17th, in two days. So many things were rushing through my head. It had been so long since I'd seen him. I hadn't gotten more than a handful of letters. Does he even still love me? Everything would be answered in a few days. We prepared the house and got everything in order. We would pick him up at the train station at eleven AM. Then, according to our sense of perfect planning, he would see me in my new dress and we would kiss for minutes on end. Then we would drive home, grab the picnic things, and head over to Larson's Creek. Larson's Creek was amazing. It had a tree leaning order, as if it knew to lend me it's shade. The tree was on a field of luscious green grass, overlooking the bank of the creek, with sparkling blue water. Tuesday morning finally came. I hardly slept all night. I awoke at about five AM, and got dressed and ready by seven. My hair was in curls and my dress on perfectly. I put on my best red lipstick, grabbed thr basket and headed out the door. I lost my way, and in turn, arrived a little late. I got there at about eleven fifteen, and there he was. I was so nervous, but so calm at the same time. I got out of the car and hurried over to him, readying for the greatest hug and kiss any woman had ever known. As I got close I remember all oh his smels and mannerisms, everything that I had forgotten with time came back to me. Then it happened. He brushed right passed me. It was like he didn't even notice I was there. He walked right passed me and put his trunk in the trunk of the car, and sat in the passenger seat. I quickly got into the driver's seat and looked at him with all the love I had. "What?" he responded, with a cold voice. "Whats wrong honey?" I said completely puzzeled. "Nothings wrong. I'm just tired is all. Can we just go home?" His eyes weren't the same. They were glazed over, changed. So I just started the car, and we drove in silence. A few minutes later I asked if he was ready for the picnic. "What picnic?" he asked, blank faced. "You promised the day you left that we would go on a picnic the day you got back, remember?" "No. I'm too tired, how 'bout another time?" He must have sensed the tears welling up underneath. "OK fine. Lets just get it overwith so I can get some sleep" he nearly screamed. It took all I had to keep from breaking down then and there. We finally got to the creek. I set up the blanket and basket and layed down on it, expecting him to lay near me, but he didn't sit at all, he just leaned against the tree, and lit up a cigarette. "When did you start smoking?!" I asked starteled. "Oh this? A while ago. It helps relieve the stress" he said matter-o-factly. "Oh really. Do you like my dress?" I asked, fishing for an overdue compliment. "Oh yeah its great I guess, a little old isn't it?" "Well thats why I like it, its classic and full of history, don't you think?" "I guess." Then I noticed that all the dragonflies had gone. The creek was quite for what seemed like ages, the only sounds being the current of the water. "Ready to go?" He asked. "Ok, if thats what you want to do honey." He suddenly got a look of repulsion. He grabbed the basket and walked towards the car, without helping me up. We hadn't even touched the bread or wine. The next few days were terrible. We hardly spoke, and when we did it was a few words at most. Then on a Firday afternoon, I found all his bags packed. "Whats going on her sweety?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. "Lizzie, I'm leaving. I can't help it anymore, I just don't feel the same as before." He said it like he was trying to be kind, but I knew he didn't care at all. He couldn't even look me in the eyes anymore. I couldn't say a thing. I just grabbed his arm and sobbed. He ripped his arm away, grabbed his bags, and got in the waiting taxi. His green eyes were the last thing I saw of him. I haven't fallen in love or seen another dragonfly in thirty two years.