Love. An indefinable word. An incredible feeling. I know love, I have love. Maybe love isn’t that grand. Just maybe the hoorah I felt was lust or just a new feeling. I feel so safe in his arms. When he holds me at night my heart melts as chills of security wash over my body. Last night another man held me, last night my heart melted and chills comforted me. I never thought another man could make me feel that way. He did. Could any man do that to me? I’ve never been susceptible to falling under a spell of ‘love’ when it wasn’t there. The first time I felt love, I felt it hard. I never looked, I never allowed. Until Jason. I never thought I’d find that feeling elsewhere. Until Matthew. Do I love them both? Does love even exist? Is my mind confused or is it my heart? A thousand questions with no answers. Maybe that’s what love is. Or maybe it’s a journey that beats trials such as this one. "She has a boyfriend..." I heard Anna whisper as the day fought it's way through the peaceful rest my eyes were in. I chose not to care what she was saying... I didn't do anything wrong, I just wanted somebody to cuddle. It was cold. Matthew kept me warm. Two days passed and I pretended I didn't think twice about sleeping with Matthre, yet the thought was in my head constantly. After two days I saw Jason, the love of my life. I was truly happy to see him, but the butterflies weren't there. I told him about Matthew thinking maybe I felt guilty. When I told him, I didn't feel guilty about it. Those butterflies were nowhere to be found. We slept together for the first time in 4 days. "I love you baby," he whispered in my ear. I whispered back, "I love you too." It didn't sound as passoniate anymore. He didn't notice anything different. Why did I? Were things different? Deffinately. Maybe. Absolutely not. I'm confused.