I just... wow. I messed up tonight. Let's start the day from the beginning though... well since I got home from school. Chris came down and we talked for a while... about women, and how complicated they are. Then he had to go to greg's band practice to watch them play, which is cool. So I gave him my brand new $800 video camera to record a few songs and all he gets is them trying to skateboard. That's beside the point. Ok, back it up a little. Chris dropped me off at Billie's house and she was in the living room. She made a fort for her little nephew DJ and it was just, really cute :) So we just fooled around and joked, being funny :D and then we went in her room and I tried to fix her computer. She just got it a couple months ago and it's freezing up on her and stuff, so I freed up some space on it and downloaded a few things she might need. This was cool because I'm pretty good with computers (even tho she always picks on me and says I have no idea what I'm doing). Theeeeeen she did her homework without me really helping her =O My little girl is growing up so fast :) After that, she went out to the kitchen and ate dinner. I already ate before I went to her house so I wasn't hungry. I believe her when she says her mom makes the best food, but I always eat as soon as I get home. :P so then we went back in her room and fooled around, joking and having fun :) BUT chris showed up at like 8... I told him 8:30 but I wasn't going to argue because he looked really antsy. meanwhile, billie didn't want me to go (I didn't want to either) and she said something like, I didn't wear HER boxers (meaning the ones that she likes) and I said that they don't fit. It was kinda weird because she took it the wrong way and thought that I meant they were too big because they were HER BOXERS, but I meant that they were really too small because she's smaller than me, especially around the waist. I didn't get to explain that to her, but I tried and failed miserably :P but when she turned away she hit her head on the wall and all I heard was this loud smack! I felt so awful, because I was the reason she turned around. She said that I shouldn't.. but I really do. I didn't mean to give her a headache and a possible goose egg. To make things worse, chris really wanted to go. I mentioned that I had my receipt from burger king and that it was worth a free chicken sandwich. He said that we should go, and then billie was like "you just want to leave, then fine" and I was like "noooo" but then she said "no, you don't love me" and I was like "I don't love you...?" but she misinterpreted it and thought that I said I didn't love her... which is SO not true. no kidding either. To make matters worse, she started crying and I felt like a total jerk. I wanted to just, break down right then and there. I told her that I had to leave and that I loved her (although she didn't believe it)and kissed her. I felt like an asshole walking out that door, just for making her cry :( Then chris wanted to go to BK... and on the way he picked up christine, which was unexpected. He said that he had to stop by her house, he never said that she was going too. So I got in the back and I kept feeling bad because I knew that I pissed billie off and she'd be even more mad when I got back. We got to burger king and I got a soda... and after chris and christine ate we went to wal mart. I had to pee so bad, but I wanted to get a few things. I picked up... well :X and I got myself a beanie. I think it looks cool and chris said that it was. so yeah. After we left wal mart we headed back to town. I was really depressed by now and I felt like I should be hung or something... for my bad deeds :( But we got back here and I talked to Billie. We worked everything out but I still feel like a total and complete dickhead. I swear that I never meant to hurt her and that I love her with all my heart, even though she didn't believe me. She is seriously my world and I don't know what I'd do without her. I've been without her, yeah... but I was never happy then. I really wasn't. It's sad, but the only thing that REALLY makes me smile is her :) I just... love her so much. I don't even know how to explain it. I know that I do though, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry :(