I asked out C yesterday. That makes her my 12th official girlfriend that i can remember. I'm 22 years old and i've rarely been single. This shit's hit me strong. Fuuuck. I look to my right and i see he perfect student view: trolleys, a wall, consruction. It's beautiful. I hate it and i love it. People can see my room, with it's gorgeous blue fairy lights and posters smacked on every wall. I wanna be over Lily but i can't be. This drives me crazy, it actually hurts to look at pictures of her. I want her back but know i don't really. I'm sick of feeling this way. I've been medicated for about a year now. That's a daunting thought. I've played, throughout my life, with both the oposing views of loving being on meds and hating it, i can't decide. Right now it disgusts me that i need these little round pills to feel normal. It doesn't make me feel normal, i feel like a freak. I'm a pretty ordinary guy i feel, and having to take medication makes me feel like one of those people you see in movies with a load of issues and stuff. Surely that's not me? Uh i'm gonna work now. Bye.

On Thursday the 17th, i told one of my friends that i had decided finally, after over a year of considering it, that i was going to get my belly button pierced, and that i'd do it the day i got paid. I got paid the next day, on the 18th, which was unexpected, since i thought i wasn't due payment for another 2 weeks; i stuck to my word, much to the shock of aforementioned friend, and went and got pierced. I couldn't be more happy with it.

Have a HUGE dream to transcribe, but my HEAD is fucking SCREAMING at me. It involved flying houses, interupted sex, kansas and monkeymen.

I had a dream last night that set me wherei feel i should be. With people i didn't recognise but was close to, getting stoned, getting layed, and enjoying the sunshine. Maybe at university or something.

2005 was one heck of a time. I started the year with Katie in my arms, after recently splitting with the peculiar Gemma, and ended it stoned and quesy on someone's sofa. I got kicked out from my mum's place at the start of the year, just before finishing my exams for the beginning of the summer, and eventually split with Katie again. I got tuned into pot and tried some other stuff, eventually becoming a stoner. I learnt to really loathe my job, my mother found God, and i dated someone i really shouldn't have dated. I don't think i have many regrets, either, but i realised just how little i feel i fit in with where my life is at the moment. I shouldn't be here. Where i've been is ok; Reading Rock Festival with Katie instead of Lloyd; stoned in the Forbury with Bryce; down Mandella Court COUNTLESS times... but where it's taken me, i'm unhappy with. This is more an account of what has happened for me, than an entry to be read by anyone else. I never seem to be able to what's happened this last year, and since it all came back to me today, i figured i'd write it down now. But, right now, there's stuff to do, so i gotta go. Fuck.