Uh, so I just found this online journal that I had when I was in high school and well... what?? Who knew that I'd rediscover this nearly 14 years later? I am sufficiently embarrassed and incredibly emotional? Ah, well I've enjoyed this trip. Maybe I will return 14 years down the line. (If I survive. Apparently there's a pandemic and it's making half the country sick and we've been quarantined for the past two weeks which is why i found this) until the future... later days

So I'm in college now. It's quite weird, but it's cool. So many things have been going on... so I think this will be my last journal entry, because this journal was only here when I was super bored in high school. So... farewell. maybe I'll post in here some day. Who knows? I'm never good with sticking with things. I hope this doesn't also effect the relationships that I will have. eh.. I've come to the future. There will be no more later days. Asheley.

I got new eyes. I officially don't want kids. Little brothers yep. With my new eyes I can pretend that I'm Justin Pierre. Mmhmm. He's my favorite.

so the story goes like this. i got the progress report back: Business Management = C English = A Env. Science = D Law/Economics = B Psychology = A Spanish = D those grades are pretty lame to me.

This guy is amazing. I wish I could do sidewalk chalk drawings like that.

mmkay... so right now i'm pretty much chillaxed.... i'm not really that complicated. my birthday is next month and i couldn't be more excited && the arctic monkeys and we are scientist are coming on mah bee-day. i'm excited, lyke whoa. yah, so saturday was teen prom and it was great. i slowed danced and fast danced and clapped clapped clapped my hands. mmhmm. i have these gay contacts in my eyes and i think they've expired like a million years ago. and not to mention that i have a right one in my left eye. i can see okay, but i want some more comfortable contacts. yep. this is me. and i'm finally out of words. until the future... later days♥

blood stains on the carpet blood stains on my hands drag her toward the kitchen hide the evidence oh the toil a lie can bring that quitters never know but lies can be the perfect things if they never show the crisis posed a question just beneath the skin the virtue in my veins reply that quitters never win she almost ruined everything

"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it." Teen Retreat was fun. I'm sore. Played about four hours of dodgeball. The End. Until the future... Later Days. ♥♥♥

"Striving after what can never be attained was perhaps the true poetic task" Tomorrow is Teen Retreat!!! I'm so excited. It's been over a year since we had one. Campus Retreat was great, ya know, hanging out with the college kids and stuff.. but my goodness, I'm gonna be with the cool kids. Woo. I'm so excited. I cannot wait until tomorrow. Ack! I have to wake up at six something... I can barely wake-up for school, but I think it will be different this time. Hehehe. I'm just hoping I can find my date for Teen Prom and my High School Prom. God has my back though. We go waay back. *sighs* I have a feeling that no one is going to read this. Until the future... Later days ♥

i'm in the school library right now, and i saw the guy that i like. hmmm. glasses broke, so i had to put on the contacts, which kinda hurt at first 'cause i didn't bring any solution with me. until the future... later days ♥

This song reduced me to tears... not many do, but if you like heart-wrenching songs... this one is for you. And there's three, count 'em three children playing on the beach They were eager to learn, to be taught and to teach There's Veronica She's biting her lip as she watches the waves turn white at the tip And there's Vada Radiating with joy and luckily she still can't stand the sight of a boy And lastly there's Dade His hair dances in the wind and he's wondering what love is And why it has to end And he can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends His mother whispers quietly... Heaven's not a place that you go when you die It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive So live for the moment And take this advice, live by every word Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard and live for the moment now And there's three, count 'em three children growing on the beach They were eager to learn, to be taught and to teach There's Veronica She's licking her lips as she waits for her real, first passionate kiss And there's Vada Can't admit her jealousy of her sister Veronica, and how she's so pretty (and how she's so pretty) Lastly there's Dade Still sitting on the dock Ponders his life, and he skips his rocks And he wonders when his father will return but he's not coming back And he can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends His mother whispers quietly... Heaven's not a place that you go when you die It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive So live for the moment And take this advice, live by every word Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard (forget everything) And there's three, count 'em three children missing from the beach They were eager to learn, to be taught and to teach But the sad thing is that they never lived passed the age of fifteen due to neglect from their mother Who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, their father She didn't even notice, or pay much attention as the tide came in and swept her three into the ocean Now all her advice, it seems useless No, heaven's not a place that you go when you die It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive So live for the moment And take this advice, live by every word Love's completely real, so forget anything that you've heard and live for the moment now

Oh my goodness! Stellastarr* was sooo good. I hadn't had that much fun in a while. At first there was, like, no one there. I mean the crowd was so small, but then more people came, but it was still a small show. Mobius the band was first, and I liked the music, but not the vocals so much. Mmm, Stellastarr* had the crowd moving and shaking their groove things. and the last band theEditors were pretty sikk. The guy was was english, so I could barely understand him. Oh, but the stellastarr* lead singer and the editors lead singer looked as if they were having convulsions on stage. That show got my dancing juices flowing. Yeah, it was fun. I also found out that some guy likes me and wants to ask me to the prom. The thing is, I have no clue who he is. The person who told me won't tell me, so now I have to wait for some random guy to ask me to prom. The thing is, I don't like that many people. I'm kind of a picky person, and I like someone else. So I am most likely going to tell this guy no. Eh... it's weird, because he said that this guy has liked me since the beginning of the school year. Can anyone say, stalker? Until the future... Later days ♥

Quite a lovely day. I spent this morning in Saturday school, because I was caught in an hall-sweep. It wasn't that bad. I got tickets to see stellastarr* this Tuesday, and I'm hella excited. Mmm, I'm pretty savvy at winning concert tix. But these were quite easy to get. The radio d.j. posted a bulletin on myspace and was like, I'll give them away, and I said, "I want some" and he was like. "they're yours!" It was quite crafty and sweet. Yessss Until the future... later days ♥

Yeah. I'm not really apathetic. I just enjoy that song that makes fun of emo kids. Yeah. So I found out that I'm going to Miami, Florida for HYC. I'm hella excited for that one. I get to go to AC training a day after I graduate. I never thought it'd be so soon, and then after that it's camp for two weeks, and then I'm home for a couple of days, and then I go to Miami. I really am trying to go to Dallas, Texas for Warped tour with my best friend. I would go here in virginia, but AFI won't be there. They are coming to both shows. My only thing is that I might have to leave camp early so that I could catch the flight to Texas. I'm going to talk to my mom about it, and see what will happen. Yeah, so yesterday I went out with some campus people and had Sushi at this place called Volcano's. Mmm, that place is awesome. I ♥ me some Shrimp Tempura Rolls. Until the future... later days. ^_^

I feel that this year is very much so tiring. I love being a senior and having opportunities to volunteer, but there's so much to pay for and so little money. First there is $500 to raise for Hope Youth Corps. $60 for Campus Retreat. $35 for Teen Retreat. Money for Springbreak. At least $50 for class dues. $15 for Motion City Soundtrack. At least $50-100 for Texas. Money so that I could get an apartment by next year. No leisure for me. Oh and then it's my grades. "A" in Law and Economics. "B" in Psychology. "B" in Environmental Science. "A" in English. "B" in Business Management. "F" in Spanish. The only class I can't seem to pass. It all gets frustrating. Plus I have to resend my college application for TCC Do I get a break? There's two retreats. Then there are the college trips during springbreak Teen Prom for my church High School Prom for my school And then there's Senior picnic. All fun but very expensive. But this summer should be fun. First it's off to Texas to visit the coolest girl in the world. And then there's HYC... which I will do some volunteer work and teach Positive Choice. Then there's AmeriCorps which is basically the same thing, but I think I will be volunteering for Hurricane Relief. Then there's camp for two weeks. And I guess it's home from there. Hmm, I think I might survive Until the future... Later Days ♥

today should be a day of great enjoyment. i got invited to the mall... and then it's relative theory records for a show it's all very exciting and chill. i just might get my digital camera today or maybe not god only knows until the future... later days

i saw a new video by motion city soundtrack yesterday i almost cried the song doesn't relate to my life in any way but that video was so beautiful songs that i can't relate to, seem to be more meaningful maybe it's wishful thinking wanting to be able to experience something... that i probably won't hold me down is a breakup song. i want to breakup so that i can really, really cry when i hear it of course it's from a guy perspective but that's okay. it really is okay. honestly.

I don't have feelings. Yet I'm hurt by small things. So I guess that first statement is a lie. But I like to pretend that I don't have any... Life is most easily lived as a lie. But it can never, ever make this p a i n GO away. Until the future... later days.

my neck hurts the pain reminds me that i'm still alive.

Next Wednesday is the Taste of Chaos. I guess I'm excited. Funeral For A Friend will be there. And I like them okay. And believe you me, I am not one to pass up a concert. I won the tickets from our local radio station. That was pretty ill. Until the future... later days.