So, today I stayed home from school. well I went for one class, which was our play...it went amazing btw. We did a good job and it was so much fun. Anyways, I did a lot of thinking today. About everything, literally. It's March, which mean I have one year and 3 months before I graduate. Since I was about 7 or 8, I've been saying how I can't wait for that day to come. I can leave home and no more school. But right now, I'd give anything to be back at that age..to be able to re-do things. You can't begin to imagine how many thing I would have done differently. I am so fucking scared to just think about that day. I'm going to be a nervous wreck and I'm gona be freaking out. I look around my classrooms, and see all of those people, most of which I say nothing more than hi to once in a while...I may never see those people again as long as I live. From now on, I'm going to make the best of things, and the choices I make have consequences, so I'm going to try and do the right things. These next few years are the shaping of the rest of my life, which means a lot to me. The quote "the choices you make make are your future" is so true. The last year or two...maybe even three have been the hardest for me so far. Both of my sister have moved out, had kids, one even married. I can't even say how much I miss having them here. Waking up, everyday, by myself. I used to have them here. I can't say they didn't annoy the hell out of me, but damn I miss that. I didn't notice so much until Christmas morning, I woke up, and wel i just woke up. I dind't have Gillian poking me saying OMG ITS 5AM..HURRY WE GOTTA GO MAKE COFFEE AND WAKE KAT UP! That was tradition. DONT EVER WISH TO BE OLDER! serioulsy, I wished my childhood away, now I'm not a child, and I want it back. Things were so much easier then. It's kind of hard to believe, Me, Sara Hustins, is 17 years old, about to get my license, about to move out and start university. It's teh scariest thing ever. Yeah, parenst get fucking annoying and you want to punch them in the face, but I can honestly say I'm going to be very sad when I leave them. They do things I hate and a lot of the time the things they do don't make sense to a lot of us, but the're the only parents we got, and for teh most part, they only ever do what they think is right for us. I know my parents try hard, and sure they could do a lot of things differently, but they're only human. My friends, they mean so much to me. It's so weird, when I was younger, I'd see all the "gangsters" hangin out in front of my dads old corner store..damn i used to think they were all that and so much more. I wanted to be one of the "cool" ones hangin out there. Now, when i see people like that, I automatically think "DIRTBAG WHAT!?" It makes no sense to me, why anyone would want to be like them. They smoke their money away, drinking and doing drugs is their #1 in life and hell no they don't need jobs. Oh god no, why would they ever want to do that? Stealing and waiting to bum their money is so much cooler. Why go to school and get an education..unemployment all the way. I can't wait to get out of this town. I'm gonna miss everyone like crazy, but damn this place is nothing but a bad influence. I know like 11 and 12 year olds that have nothing better to do then smoke a joint. Yeah you know you're cool when. Last year I was such a loner, and you're damn right, I loved it. it was just me and Bran...I didn't care. But after a while I was like..hey I need more than one friend. And I mean there was nothing wrong than hangin out with Bran, I love her to death, but I needed to be more social...I was so depressed. So, I started hangin out with my old friends too. I was happy, one big happy circle. I was like..oh hot damn I'm actually cool now, look at the people I roll with...a lot of which were just stoners that had no purpse in life. But man I was teeth. Then. my grades dropped. I mean not alot or anything, but a little. I was never home becasue they were my homies and I had to be with them..at all times. I didn't spend much time with my family and well, my prorities changed a little. I remember saying to Ju "I'm cool now that I have more than 3 friends" Fuck, thats what your teenage years will do to you. To those of you who read this, I have no regrets, Lots of fun times, but I'm not going to make it a priority to fit in. I was sick of being at home every Friday night, but after a while...I was like..I miss my alone time. My alone time is just as important to me as like breathing. Emo kid what. I don't care. I dont want to be friends with the loser that sell dope and do nothing with their life. Seriously, I'm a loner again, well not really, but I don't go out everynight now and it don't bother me in teh least. I make time for the ones that matter. I love my niece and nephews, and I want to be someone they can look up to. ask anyone, they are my pride and joy. wow, I went deep. haha So my friends, my closest are Brandi, Kim, Courtney and Chantal and my lovely Joao. Seriously, you guys are like..awesome and you have such a big impact onmy life. You've been there for me and even though I'm a lil crazy...you know you love me! haha So yeah, don't wish your life away...enjoy the time you have and make the most of it, I know I will. Live and learn baby