productive day took some notes midterm got extension on some readings learned some music turned in application for stewarts kinda talked to this young lady... kinda is somewhat key to this definitely my weakest point i always spell definitely wrong every time even that last time it was directly above it if not for spell check... even so i feel like i havent done anything important i still have to do an essay for english if i do it as well as i took the midterm i should be fine but idk idk in abnormal as we were discussing depression i was reminded of some of the things that were happening a few years ago as well as concluding that i have again entered an episode good times speaking of times bout time i got going on that essay and prolly on seeing a therapist again __|__|__ __|__|__ | | lets play tic tac toe nevermind the bottom two lines wont line up correctly what the balls

yesterday (hurray for awareness of time) pretty uneventful filled out my fafsa for 08-09 got another form for tax returns which i promptly fucked up again and the library which holds these forms is not open today sweet its march and apparently the time for spring breaks from colleges although these breaks do not fall on the same week/2 weeks rich has already departed, but we wont hold it against him for it was to spend the remaining duration of his break with his lady friend herrington peaced a while ago since trimesters are fantastic dans in town as is steele doms back next week, clara in two fun times await going to the high school band concert was a decent time on thursday got to see some of the guys that are still in that miserable place who i havent seen in some time even went to the twins house for a bit before that and after the concert, picked up some chinese buffetness and post the twins house returned to my own with the group from dinner enjoyed some smash brothers brawl which i owned at with only one other competitor at my level i feel like i should vent some more here or something or at least tell a story oh i know so yea theres a lovely young lady in my abnormal psychology class that i would like to approach i need to grow a pair course, this sort of thing has never been easy for me starting to think i may have some sort of phobia related to this specific activity how bout a story from senior year... its always nice to remember things umm cant seem to think of a really good one right now it early just go with a pleasant time than hilarious tales will come to me another time so final concert for the last good class of singers for who knows how long lorenzo shined beautifully singing a song for his mother then we moved onto the nyssma soloist who where performing the two preceding me used a microphone and it wasnt one of chinas best moments and hes a great voice then i went up and lit up the auditorium with the impossible dream no mic good times great oldies

so today... dammit its the next day again perhaps the assumption should just be made that im speaking of the previous day each time considering i make entries at 1 in the morn... idk well sunday it was better than the previous day, having been filled with betrayal and what not i woke up and did my usual nothing until rob gave ring asking if i wanted to watch the championship games at mikes house it seemed like and was a good idea just kinda chilled at his house all day watching the games although both of the teams i usually support had long been defeated i still like to watch im generally against the patriots but this time i just felt like being opposed to rob since he cheered for the chargers and of course, in the other game i would cheer for the new york team. i kinda like the giants anyway, although i would side with the jets in a meeting of the two it was a good, mellow time i kinda dont feel like writing anymore so i think ill stop haha till ze next ill write a memoir of my stories from senior year soon so i can stumble across this site again and remember and in case anyone cared or just wanted to hear some entertaining and tragic stories but im done for real this time

almost one year after my last entry. i went and again reread my previous posts. again i realize how obsessed i was with my dear friend clara.(it was unhealthy) my current issue now... is trust. however, it seems that many of the other not so big current issues in my life are the same as they were in previous entires. it brings me back to the specific thoughts of one journal in which i wondered whether or not my life was going anywhere. its a cast of characters mix with both old and new with a few new settings as well. but im having some of the same issues depression conviction physical condition son of a bitch. i know ive grown. i know that i and so many other things have changed. yet the same negative themes repeat themselves in my life. is this what is supposed to happen? so lets go into specifics, and then ill play catch up. actually ill do a year recap in another entry who knows though, knowing me it might be a few months till i do this again making it a bit over a year recap. although its not technically a year if i do it today or tomorrow... i digress so after an awesome night out yesterday , my college friends did indeed return to their respective educational facilities i just noticed that it says my age is 17. im 19 for the record, but im too lazy to change that right now. um so the guys left. today i was tired cuz yesterday included frisbee, football, and lazertag. i woke up did minor cleaning before deciding that im gunna do all the rest of the cleaning i need to do next week in my last week off before i return to shitty ass community college (not too unsuspected from the things i noticed in previous entires where i mention my grades blew). it sucks cock there because im absurdly smarter than the course work demands. i got high b's in classes that i barely attended. this is suppose to be fucking college. i didnt think id still get away with this shit after highschool, apparently an incorrect assumption. but to today again, er yesterday since its now sunday. i went an ran errands with nate, deciding that going outside and chillen with a friend i hadnt seen in a while would help my mood. through out the day i received calls from other friends about DnD(dont judge me hehe). all the while i was suppose to be going to a show at the infamous redmens hall. i didnt end up going because of how pissed i was from the action im about to explain. while i was out n about with nate, the friends that soo apparently badly needed to fucking play DnD did something. they came to my house, and without my permission took the materials from my house. it has nothing to do with what was taken. where i come from, thats fucking stealing. they lied to my father in the process of this by allowing him to think this was an action i consented to (excuse my ending a sentence in a preposition. fuck that. at the time i was just running home before going to the show, with nates car, and my father told me of this. anger swelled at ridiculous speeds. i drove to the "friends" home that was closer, since the other doesnt live in the city, thinking that logically they would be there. they werent, and i called this supposed "friend" finding out they were in front of my house. i told them id see them there. the confontation went something like this: "you fucking went into my house and took shit without me saying you could do so? what the fuck is wrong with you? if you ever do anything like this again you wont fucking walk the next time i see you." i think thats about what i said, while being pathetically backed away from and timidly apologized to(prepostion again, fuck hehe) thus the issue of trust idk the whole day i was just thinking about things such as: how im fairly certain the young lady whom i find myself interested in these days prolly doesnt think of me in a similar fashion, im now again left in my shitty city without my friends of my own age, and how im seem to be generally unhappy about things. that just fucking topped off my day. i decided that i was on too short a fuse to go to the concert. if someone started shit i prolly would have gone to jail. then i hear they did the concert downstairs,(at redmens in olden days, shows were downstairs. they were then moved to the considerably less awesome second floor) that it was fucking awesome, and that the particular kid that usually starts shit in fact stopped a fight from happening i love life so much sometimes at least i beat bioshock, although the ending was truly very shallow its nice to accomplish something from time to time idk till ze next, i think ill shoot for tomorrow er today actually. maybe keeping a journal again will help me with my stress we shall see

okie dokie decent weekend i spose chilled with many friends called one n told em the dad got in an accident fucked up? yes but also funny i get the feeling though that ive been pushing the limits a lil too much lately as for that barbed wire shit, pretty mcuh i was drunk and attempted to climb a fence with you guessed it barbed wire left a big scar on my arm that was last summer pretty much none of my concerns have gone away its in fact getting worse -i think i have entered another depression -im in danger of not graduating bcuz of all the ridiculousness that stemmed from the coma initially -i find myself with the experience of having a "crush", or w/e one chooses to call it, one someone. maybe ill just become an alcoholic and drown my sorrows hehe oh wait i cant do that either cuz -no fucking job, no fucking money. son of a bitch tb... of course i should prolly have called some time ago to "check on the status of my application" -w/e disease ive had for roughly 6 weeks doesnt seem to be completely fading, cuz ive been getting dizzy again -im very, very unhappy with the role ive been given in the musical i really want something good to happen soon i could use the boost these things r stressing me out

wel i remembered my password hehe its been a few months since ive done this last time i left off with some unaswered things titled still alive because i almost died it was to be a simple ACL and miniscus repair, but after the surgery the combination of pain meds wuz too much for me, i entered a 3 day coma with a 105 avg fever, puked into mmy lungs a real fun time then i had to spend 2 n a half weeks in 4 different hospitals... fuck but thats fairly old news since that wuz february however my destroyed knee has not recovered to a stable enough point i lose my senior year of football im so upset... mad... torn about the fact that i missed out on a ring, but even more so that i will never have the opportunity to be the best of my group again, i can never challenge dodge... i will never get a jacket or a letter after so much of my life, so many hours, so much hard work and dedication its all gone the frustration and anger i have seems to be increasing these days, ive been having outbursts like when i wuz a little kid... summer skool is hell ive really hit a new low in these times (this makes more sense if u read some of my previous entires) truly i have fallen some of my friends still believe that i should have been valedictorian... the whole new friends old friends... ive definatley grown aparrt from the older group of friends, but recently it seems the newer group is falling to alot of inner conflict i just wish ppl could stop being soo petty i wish things could be simple and im getting scared about my life i feel like im not going anywhere like i dont have a chance after highschools done i mean shit, wut college is gunna want me... my grades have been shit 4 the past 2 years so many interesting turns this summer already, its flying by and crawling at the same time the spanish exchange students go home in a few days claras been back for a few weeks... wow i reread my old entries... damn i wuz fooking obssesed with her when we were goin out and i cant help but think about it sometimes hehe my whole lil epiphany about how that one dance at the after-semi party pretty much symbolized the entire relationship... i obviously still have an elipses problemm lol idk its fucking late... i think im gunna go 2 bed ill explain the barbed wire thing next time so tired

spose to be a week... a simple ACL replacement and a minisucs repair all gone wrong not the surgery, but everything after it finish this later

its over... another insane school year has finally come to an end so many memories...damn within this week to come i needa pulloff a few more miracles then ill b mostly in the clear as in my education (xcept global... dammit) alot of things are going to happen this summer 1 bye clara 2 why i didnt choose bubble wrap... 3 my other personal quest 4 possible (although honestly unlikey) leavin A-town all together even though stayn w/ mom is a definet 5 summer lax 6 hopefully start up voice lessons again 7 any Vp business that might come up 8 maybe work 9 possible final fairwells to senors 10 new things that would have been useful during the school year grrrr 11 english 11H (if i qualify) 12 anythin else that could happn... the unexpected, random parties and hangin out (although #3 will keep me from most of this), emergencies dot dot dot... shits gunna get crazy jus gotta bite down. make sure i remeber my medicine, become more or less straight edge, learn a few things and change alot of things hopefully i can surprise a few ppl including myself ;-)

ballsucking boy, are you fucking serious these silly people make me laugh untili kill again haha MR MURRAY so i yet again missed math, hurray (death to testo) just one of the few benefits of... the issue has come up again unfortunately hearing such things makes me worry a lil, but id rather that something be wrong n some correcting(?) steps be taken so i understand... myself... a lil better

been a while MWAHAHAH well where do i begin i have no idea prolly cant even remember half of the interestin things that have happind to me lately but so adrian and zach fought on friday quite amusing theyre both horrible fighters horrible but i still enjoyed watchn and what did i say dammit, mex came out on top! boooooyah oh by the way did i mention that the fight happnd after THE FIRST Jv LAX VICTORY IN 4 YEARS!!! hot stuff if u ask me, especially since i feel as though i personally sealed victory w/ the most amazing, thundrous, detructive blah blah blah hit all year i fell over him i hit tha bastad so hard felt gooooooooooood :-D um Burning Monument... were breaking up, grrrr our last show is May 13 at Redmens Hall 16 Hoosac St Johnstown not sue of time, but plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz go plz hahaa oh and make sure to pick up Burning Monument Live At Northern Lights $3 good stuff um idk what else to say fer now so if i think of anythin lata ill add it but fer now ill just say, YALL bitches better have my money tomorrow (hehe i bet that we would win the game n we did so now i won 30) good times i spose

highlights, idk ive hit a "mood" so to speak over the past few days... w/e um, idk Pj's bday saw him like twice but thats how it goes i think its funny how he was all draped over kates arm... that lil sob he is, fun to watch... hmmmm well, um i got kicked outta bio, for absolutely nothin other than talking... i mean i usuall get smart or actual disrupt by talking loud er makn some noise er yelling at sharif or another student like steve cumshot but nope just talkin like 2 sentances worth w/e ...evil thoughts...evil thoughts we took another tradiotional ass beating 2day 1-17 oooo ahhh but hey in the second half i got in goal since ian plays like a lil girl, ducking n such i did way better than he did, only allowing in 4 goals hehe coach calld me up 7ish talkn n stuff pretty much if i want to b the goalie i am funtabulous i like feeling like im good at somethin, since that feelin comes so few n far between... ainta tha good news?

its been awhile... the hells with thihs sitdiary.net garbage? grrrr many a thing i spose but most 4gotten since last we met o well MWAHAHA um idk if i think o somethin ill write it my bodys startn to get really bleh since being hit with all these damn lax balls

anywayz, i had a sick day today... id definetly try for tomorrow as well but the concert, i cant miss it but survey away! 01. What color is most reflective of you? black 02. How did you get the idea for your journal name? i like beaches, warm ones i could spend my lief on one 03. What time were you born? 10:56 AM 04. What song are you playing right now? none right now 05. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? hell no 06. What color underwear are you wearing? green 07. Do you want a baby? eventually 08. What does your dad do for a living? be an asshole, o u mean his job, he teaches computer programs 09. What does your mom do for a living? secratary and Urgent Care attendant 10. What is your pet's name? no pets 11. What color are your bedsheets? black and idk how to spell beige 12. What was the last concert you attended? redmans bunch of local goodies 13. Who was with you? nate becky drew... the list goes on 14. What was the last movie you saw? Merchant Of Venice (sexified version on English trip) 15. Who do you dislike most at this moment? my dad prolly 16. What food are you craving right now? good toasty sandwhich 17. Did you dream last night? much 18. What was the last tv show you watched? Who's Line is it Anyway? 19. What is your fave piece of jewelry? smiley earing from leah 20. What is to the left of you? stuff 21. What was the last thing you ate? crackers, no wait yogurt 22. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? leah, fuck bri these days 23. A song lyric that's in your head? spanish guitar 24. Who last IMed you? Clara 25. Where is your significant other right now? home? 26. Do you have a crush? well im with her so does it count as a "crush"? 27. What is her name? Clara 28. What shampoo do you use? suave 29. When was the last time you cut your hair? few weeks ago, not sure 30. Are you on any meds? yessir 31. Do you have a mental disease? unfortunately, well im not exactly sure if its mental 32. What shirt are you wearing? a blue one 33. What time is it? 5:21PM 34. What color is your razor? blue and black, well the blade itself is silver 35. What is your fave frozen treat? piragua 36. Are you sexy? in my mind...MWAHAHA... no... 37. Whats your favorite shopping store? idk... maybe um tj maxx? 39. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? yes, some day

i spose all things come to an end... regardless of wether you want them to or not ill live... well our 1st show was all wtf, argh, sob the sound guy shows up an hour n a half late then he doesnt even set up right, s half the time you couldnt hear the vocals like me bro said someone shoulda died that night... well not really but i guess u need to know about his lil ocnflicts to get that one the mosh pit was bananas got quite violent, those 3 direct, consecutive punches to the face were funnish but hey ive regained the ability to chew some im fine with it i love how some ppl said "oh ill go check you guys out" and just didnt or put other unimportant things b4 supporting a friend i mean, i know some of my friends actually had valid important things to do like work or church, but wtf... thats such bulshit when some1 says "i didnt have a rde" and then they turn around and talk to some1 about what they did last night which happin to be at a place nowhere near their home yesterday was leahs bday, Happy again although im positive shell never see this went to a lax game, as required by our new Jv coach his old team that he swears by got demolished.... cant wait to tell him MWAHAHA also i went to cosmic bowling like elier told me, i guess i am the biggest asshole i know the jackass that owns the place starts hawking us so i got uppity with him, then i got in his face again he starts whining in shit, so since were not alowd to "hang" i went and bought some fries and ate em real real slow... then got another order bastard caught us in a loop though, i saw ppl with food on the lower area so i went down, but ur not alowd unless u have shoes on i started gettin upptiy again, but then the guys siignald me that the sharrif was out side kept sayin this and that about if ur sixteen ud be this and that good things he didnt know... elier got in the sharrif face S: why dont you go wait at dunkin donuts for a ride? E:why dont YOU go wait at dunkin donuts? i luv my friends... well most of the time stay away from this topic... shat reminds me i dont even know when my next appointment is then we came home to eliers and chilld till passing out im a lil bleh today, cuz easter is one of the 2 days outta the year i go to church but i cant go ...er wont w/ my dad and i never set up to go with any o me frienz grr i spose alls well... i spose reminds me that i just have soo many... thoughts and questions... on a funny, maybe in a sick way, note i heard the easter bunny got jumped in rotterdam the other day, i laughed, for a long time upon hearing this

anywayz, well i couldnt finish because the people who were twiting my mind n heart n such were in the room, i doubt they were aware what i ws doing, matter o fact i turned round at one point n they were passed out, still wanted to be cautious this town is killing everyone i feel so very distant from most every single one of my older friends bris a fucking backstabber while all the others were getting high that night as i sat there starring into the flame wishing i wasnt there since i really dont have any fun with them anymore, mike happnd to let a piece of info slip, something bri told him... which i told her and expected would be kept secret im fucking sick of just having my trust shit on, ive never gone around telling people her shit when she told me stuff and then she acts like i have no right to be pissed at her at semi when i was gunna bitch her out but didnt cuz i wanted to be civil in a public place grrrrr... but back to the fire night i cant help but be reminded of things evertime im with them... how thing happind and hearing how they view each other and how they think of others buts still act differently than what they want, it doesnt make sense to me on the walk home things were wierd elier preston bob and me i havent been civil with bob for many moons i cant stand him... his character and sitting on the bench after the bridge the way things once were... idk hearing them talk, aboput how none of them believe there going anywhere i cant take this they still think im well rounded i failed 2 classes dammit, and im not even athletic anymore... even if hadnt become... then i still was never good enough to go anywhere with that im not in the top academicly either anymore ive fallen, the once great all knowing, best linemen of the class 07 has fallen and how ive come to know them is diferent too i most of all wanted the least change and have been forced to face the most but yet i cant make myself speak my mind ever i cant tell them how i think of them how i dont want to make up with bob, and the lil of me that does only does in order to keep a peace with the other two and how i dont see preston as my best friend how i feel he stabbed me and twisted the sword how elier doesnt need to think the way he doesnt and all of us have faults how i hate adrian rodriguez now, how i dont miss him anymore because i have realized how manipulative he is, and how we were always just his puppets things were always his way or no way i dont miss him im glad hes gone but yet so much more in my mind... but i can never come to tell them... i always want to but never can im too weak i suppose im just glad ive at least found a new home in the friendship department but at semi n after i got a rather uneasy feeling i wish i knew what to do i feel really stupid and clueless and i dont want to be

things are so fucking wierd tonight im just not sure about so many things... update this completely and say whats really goin on later, cant really vent right now cuz...

1. Take your blogger username and replace each letter with the corresponding number (A=1, B=2, etc... alberto9 = 1+12+2+5+18+20+15+9 2. Add all of the numbers together to create a kind of super number: 82 3. Add the digits of the number together: 10 4. Find the post of this number in your journal. 5. Take the digit you noted in step 3, and count that many words into the post: could 6. Use the resulting word in a google image search, and select a picture from the first page and post the results My Picture: cant f'ing get a picture because my computer freezes every time during the search

this is how it goes down day normalish got semi tix (joy) lacrosse meeting, no running (more joy) lil chessin but i did some reallly really dumb stuff 2day (not so joy) goin homeness im getting a lil sick of the dericulous amounts of work that seem to be compounding on each other from classes things that make you go argh the worst part is since i dont actually ever do any of the work so its just zero upon zero im gettin purtty excited over lax didnt make varsity but i wasnt expecting to since the whole only been playin for 2 days are coache seems pretty cool, and his name is freagin wierdly amusing (which is the mystery behind the superfriend reference), got some cool teamates, n its gunna be somethin to get back in shape, hopefully other things causing anxious feelings semi cant waitness serious cant waitness which also makes me think of some shhhtuff... i wanna do somethin 2morrow diggn the fridays haha since my "case of the mondays" last untill thursdays we have swept to glory egypts master expands from the niles northern delta to the dry dry southern sands ... dont wanna make bad of a situation but i cant help but think only by default since those two got other ones, regardless im still gunna kick this thingys arse...

1st adrian left, i regret ever crying over that selfish asshole then jessie left which ended up being pointless cuz she visited so many times and is now back now not only do i have to deal with clara leaving eventually but now i hear elier is moving at the end of school too this isnt fucking fair i care soo much about everyone i kno, too god damn much its practicly a fucking curse and i dont wanna fall apart again ...in 2 different ways im lucky to have become closer to my newer friends... most of the preps arent worth the shit on my shoe, well i havent actually ever stepped in shit in my latest pair of sneakers but thats not the point im still feelin distant to leah and bri in days of late, preston is barely even someone i can call a friend anymore, and now elier the closest person from that group is leaving then of course clara... what the fuck am i spose to do ive been singing all day... i feel like im startin to get some of my confidence back i really think that when im singin privately i could take shane and marc... but too fucking bad i cant seem to ever muster myself up when anyones actually listening i wouldnt be surprised if i dont get a solo in the next concert... i just wish i could keep it together when im auditioning, but no i start fucking shaking uncontrolably fuck man... hate when i start thinkning this much never really leads me anywhere thats good...

today was funnishish well things were funnyish in math damn you johnny... i will retake my seat! haha i still love global, everyday is an adventure of stories not in any way related to global history in eng liverio almost had an attcack cuz i turned somethin in for the 1st time in 4ever yeah for me! damn chorus... all the f'ing good solos are being contested with by shane or marc, its pretty much not really having a chance in anything those two really want damn their greatness haha lunch was usually funtabulous, but felt kinda naked since sum ppl were missing i set a record in bio im kicked out for tomorrow automaticly from 2day step off me biatch MWAHAHAHA well u kno what dammit im not dumb...:-* the dilema over tix... the decision is in ur hands mi amor aft er school there was a long as lacrosse thing when we got equipment and went over some basics, well i guesss this will be fun im gettn kinda hyped about this overall decent day