So I tried to let go... no phone calls no adding on facebook, really tried to get over him and then while eating at the creperie with my friend the beatles' taxman started playing... it just kind of remind me of the times when we played rockband at his friend's house.
Such an insignificant moment but it just little things like that made me want to pick up the phone... and at first I didnt but the next morning my landlord came around, talking about Haiti, and the earthquake, and how awful of a situation it was which ultimately made me think of him and how things back in Mexico werent that great either.
We might not be together but still, I think just as a friend who shows concern, a little text wouldnt hurt right? and so I did, told him how the beatles reminded me of him and how I hoped that everything back home was alright. I think I caught him off guard and he replied right away which was nice and asked me how I was doing. My phone after went a-wire all weekend so I am not sure whether he got my last text or if it got lost in Cyberspace....
All I know is I do miss him, I do miss the random house parties on monday nights or singing along to Yellow Submarines but he was really into me then he'd call or he'd text but no news so far. I kinda wish it did get things going again but I gotta stop dreaming really....
screw the pulperiakelsey, i miss sitD. and all of you, of course. it´s so much better to be able to write about everything without having to worry about what aunts/children/school administrators will be reading it. maybe pushed the envelope with the "i-got-drunk-and-dove-into-a-shallow-pool" bit, but at least i left out the part where i soaking wet fooled around with the 28 year old canadian sailor/musician on the pool deck of our hotel. ooops.
i really love it here. i like my group a lot--there are only 15 other students, and they´re all really smart and interesting and interesED in the world and life and etc. i think being around people who still find newness in the world, and are still hopeful about politics and social justice and other impossibly complicated things is good. it calms me down and lessens my cynicism.
what is everyone up to? what are you doing this summer? part of me wants to dfind out more about this internship in D.C., "make something" of myself and think about my future and all that. part of me wants to work yet another summer at the summerchase pool, spending my days reading and getting brown and my nights screaming into the flickering forests with the friends who know me best.
As averages go, yesterday was a pretty rubbish day. I’ve started throwing up, so I take it the stomach pains are the result of some kind of bug, and my head is pounding because I have a fever. But some rest will fix me up pretty nicely. I can’t get to sleep, my head’s full, I’m feeling downhearted and conflicted and I’ve got no one to talk to, don’t think I really want to talk anyway, how do you talk about something you don’t fully comprehend yourself? Besides, there’s only so many times you can clumsily bring something up before it starts to get on people’s nerves. How can you expect me to believe in something, if everything around me points to the opposite? People always leave.
I used to say I love you, but would it make a difference this time?