YOur just gonna stand there, and watch my cry.
i hold it altogether, and babe you see i dont and wont love you like ive done, before ..
You stand there and watch me disolve. thats okay i dont need you or your words, this will trail off into the distance once i get it all together, Look me in the eye ball and tell me you havnt fallen for me, you know just as much as i do. you are the one i should kiss at night, but i really love the way you kiss me good night, Sweet as Pie,
Here i sit there i laid on my bed in the chair, alone...wishing the party would come here and you were fun, and funny* and here i am joking and always negative towards you, its like ive never even given you a chance. here it all it is in wrighting, i think your beautiful, but i know this will end sooner than you may think.
So I was reminded by a friend about sitdiary... we used sitdiary through highschool and I thought that it would be a great place to write about growing a baby!
I am due with our first child November 14th! As time moves on I am getting more and more eager to meet this little bummping bundle of joy. So far things have been great! She is growing like she should, and I too am doing well.
So lets take you back to when I first found out.
I was cleaning the house like any normal day, but this day was different... I fealt sick all morning and just couldnt get a grip on it. So I took a test... as I sat there waiting for it to change I just laughed because I had taken one a few weeks back and it was negative, there is no way I'm pregnant! When I reached over and picked it up I was in shock when I saw two lines instead of one... gulp, I am having a baby.
I headed out to the livingroom where my hubby was working on the computer. He had no idea that I had taken the test, so I just stood there... he asked me what I was doing and all I could say was... "How do you feel about being a dad?"... He just looked at me, finally he managed to say "Your kidding right?" I handed him the test and we were both in shock.
We both wanted children and figured that now wasn't the time but God had other plans for us Our families were sooo excited when we told the news, I meen come on, Grandma's will be Grandma's!
So I am now almost 30 weeks... I can't see my feet, I am unbalanced, own a chest bigger then I'd ever dreamed of having, and feel my tummy move with the punches! It is sooo exciting! I must say that I have become a bit more nervous about the actual having the baby part now that time is dwindeling away... I dont think that pushing a watermelon through a small opening will be fun nor easy so its a bit unnerving!
Baby is bumping and mommy is hungry so I think its time to wrap this up for today!
Thank You Heavenly Father for this blessing that you have given me.
All my latest entries have been full of either angst or me just pissed off. So, I shall make a good one!
Last night, we DESTROYED Heroic Putricide!!! WOOOO! Okay, okay. I lied. We destroyed him after 13 attempts. I only died 15 times, so that means I didn't fuck up as bad as I could have!! That made me happy. My lag fucked me a lot when it came to viles and goo, but some of it wasn't my fault. I'll get better after a couple more attempts for sure. :)
I'm thinking about buying a stick of ram for my comp. I have a feeling that Cata is going to overload it the second she comes out. D: So, I'll probably end up buying a stick or two. I'll have to get a hold of someone either in guild or around me that knows computers and can help me figure out what type of ram I need to get so I don't fuck it up. Last thing I need to do is fuck up my comp. I'll just die. Srsly.
I love my fiance. I've been cleaning up a lot around the basement. It's a work in progress, but I think it should make Mike happy. It should also get the rents off the behinds. Wee.
~Kayla
blessed by a bitch with a bastards seed
nice to meet you but better to bleed
rise ill rise ill rise higher
Ughh. Finally hung out with that girl & her husband after the 'incident'. [throwing up all over their lawn]. Went to Coffee Date this morning. When I first got there with Cortney, it was just the 4 of us. So I immediately apologized, because I didn't want this hanging over everyone's head. I said I was sorry, that I was out of line & it was out of character & how bad I felt for it. [this is after I apologized 5/6 times via FB.] .. She seemed ok with it, said thank you. Her husband wouldn't look at me, or talk to me the ENTIRE hour & a half I was there. What the fuck ever. If you really going to be that upset over one night, then so be it. I'm not apologizing anymore, I'm not going to feel bad about it anymore. I apologized to their faces, and I'm not going to look back. I'm putting an end to it now. Like I said before - if they can't get over it and/or forgive me - then we weren't really good friends to begin with. It was just awkward and frustrating, so I guess I'll just give it some time & see what happens.
Speaking of good friends ... I'm SOOO glad I met Cortney. [aka carbuncle, or chicken legs - haha]. She's really the only girl i've ever met in my life that truely understands me. Mainly cause we have alot of the same issues & the same weird fcked up sense of humor. haha. But without her the last couple months, I wouldn't be as happy & as sane as I am now. Whether she knows it or not - she has helped alot with my depression & anxiety .. just by being such a good friend, & always being there for me. Plus she tells me when I'm being an idiot - in a very nice way. haha. She gave me this book yesterday "The Book of Secrets" by Deepak Chopra. It's supposed to help you understand yourself, create awareness of yourself, and basically help you to become "One" with yourself. So far I love it. It's basically meditation in reading form. If it helps, it helps. I'm willing to try it. haha. Supposed to hang out with Cortney later & get our drink on. Yeahhh! :D
Plus I have Diana, who's amazing. She's so blunt and honest about stuff. She gives her honest opinion, no holding back. I respect the hell out of her for it. Plus she's always there for me. She's in PA right now on leave .. and I miss her .. haha. I think she misses me too, cause she keeps calling me. HAHA. She's awesome. :]
Justin & I haven't fought in 2 wks. Other than small arguments. Which is such a relief.