So, I'm all depressed... i reallt like this guy, or at least i think that i do, but i'm not sure and i'm also kind of attracted to this other guy, but he's with a friend of mine and i would never do that to her, not that anything would happen anyway but yeah... I don't know... i don't really feel like typing this right now, i just figured that i would update real quick...

well, today was another snow day which is pretty cool because that means that it's one day less that i have of high school since i won't have to make it up at the end of the year... senior year, so i'll graduate before the other kids are making up their snow days, which is pretty cool, it's also one day less of this semester and thus, one day closer to next semester, which is sounding rather promising, so yeah... just figured that i would update... love Alhora

Well, finally updating again, i don't really have much to update on though, life has been pretty boring... i cut my hair so now it's up to my soulders and i'm donating the rest of it to Locks of Love... Umm... my friend Sara has gone to visit Maggie now and won't be back until the 9th or something, which sucks because i haven't gotten to see her in a few weeks now and all, but life goes on and she'll be back soon... X-mas was okay, i did a lot better than i thought that i was going to, i didn't know how hard it would be for me but i made it through alright... *sigh* school starts again soon and i actuallt can't wait because i get to see all of my friends again (well, all except Sara that is) and that's pretty cool for me... also, this semester is almost over and then i get all new courses!!! i'm pumped for that because mine kind of really suck at the moment and the ones that i'm getting are unbelievably easy, so i can't wait... well, i kind of have to, but just a little while, as soon as finals are over i get to switch courses and that means that i should be ungrounded because with such easy courses i'm pretty sure my grades will be perfect, so yeah... Anyways, i'm outtie for now, i'll update whenever... Love Alhora!!!

Well, let's see, I had a test in a block that i was late to because i got called down to the auditorium just so some guidance counselors could tell me that i had quialified for another scholarship, i guess some letter is coming in the mail or something, idk... seemed kind of pointless, but if i decide to go to a state school here in MA, than it would be really helpful, i guess i'll fill it out, idk... at the moment i really don't care... Everybody's gone for x-mas, vacation starts friday, though i may take tomorrow off and just sleep all day, i'll be depressed anyways... I stole barry's beenie, actually barry stole it from brandi and it has been decided that until jen can find a lime green beenie for me that it will be her x-mas present to me... but whatever... a block, like i said, i had a test, i did ok, there were a few things that i was unsure on though but whatever, i have a 102 average, if it goes down a little i think i'll still be ok. then after the test my teacher put in "march of the penguins" seemed ok, and steph and i just played crazy 8's through it, and one game of war with joe that steph ended up winning (i was the first out, i think i had like one face card and that was it) but yeah, it was pretty cool... b block dragged on a little today, probably because we didn't have to put up with barry's stupidity and because we just watched a movie... we opened some presents too, jess got me some jelly braclets... well according to barry they're "sex braclets" or something the other day but whatever, i just think they're cool... c block i had a test in economics, i think i did ok, i knew a few things, and i got at least one bonus point at the end for sure, so... yeah, and then misti and matt and i played some tic-tak-toe and hang man, that was pretty cool... d block i had another test, idk what is up with all of my teacher's planning their tests for the same day but whatever, i think i did semi-ok, i got a few wrong for sure but i should be ok... gotta love partial credit... then jen and i played crazy 8's after some more tic-tac-toe and hang man, and then that was the end of the day, and i came home to be annoyed by my family... i've been in a bitchy mood, idky... either way, i just figured that i would update, it keeps my mind busy for a few minutes and that's always good, so... yeah... i'm outtie for now... love alhora...

So, today i ended up going to a block and being bored out of my mind after a quick grammar quiz, then i was late to b block because Sara dragged me down to guidance, then i ended up skipping all of c block and most of d block with Barry, we mostly stuck to the lunches and the library but electrical and guidance were also stops through-out the day... idk, i'm kind of feeling down lately, probably just because of all of these memories and the fact that everybody seems to be leaving, i guess... idk... whatever, i'm just sort of out of it... maybe over vacation i'll get some work done and catch up in economics... i'll probably be that bored anyways... oh well, i'm outtie for now... love Alhora

So, some of my friends came over yesterday, which was pretty awesome and i didn't even get into trouble for it, which i'm going to choose to take as a sign that my mother is giving up or something, which would be awesome... but anyways... Harry left first because he had work and then Jen, who was probably late for work, and then Sara had to go home so her dad picked up Barry as well and so everyone got home, i was kind of hoping it would turn into a sleepover which it almost did, but sara's dad just couldn't go out and feed the horses himself, so instead he drove all the way over here, then past his house to drop off Barry, and then back so that he could make Sara do it, but whatever, at least i got to spend a good chunk of the day with them and not get into trouble for it, though i think that my parents were in a bad mood because it was 10 o'clock and they wanted to go to sleep, and since sara's parents were pretty much the same way, you'd think that they would all just leave us to ourselves and feed the horses themselves so that they could just go to sleep but no... oh well, at least everyone, but Sara of course, got their x-mas presents... i have no idea what to get sara though, but i think we're going to wal-mart today, so i can look for something there... anyways, I'm outtie for now... love me...

So, a couple of my friends are going to the mall tomorrow and i wish i could tag along but unfortunately, i'm still grounded and they won't be back in time for me to catch any type of bus so... i guess i'm just stuck at school, which isn't too bad actually, i kind of need to go to economics... i think i did ok on my last test, now i just need to really settle down and work on my research paper... but whatever... there will still be some people for me to hang out with at school and then after school i can bake my christmas present for everyone, i have an idea for a cookie-cake thing that should be pretty awesome, so i'll try it out and everyone will just have to share it at school on Friday... i'm not entirely sure how it will work out but at least it should be pretty cool and better than just a plain old cookie (no matter how big)... but yeah... that's all i have to update on at the moment, so bye...

OK, so I've been feeling much better lately and tomorrow we're all heading over Brandi's house after school which should be awesome and then on Thursday if I can figure out how, everyone is going to the mall, i really want to go but I'm not sure if I'll be able to work out the details, maybe i can lie about a project that i have to work on with Brandi and then my mom should believe that i'm over her house to work on that or something, i'm not entirely sure how i'll work it out but at least if i do work it out i'll be able to hang out with my friends all day... that's about it for now, i'll update whenever...

Here I'm tearing up as i write, i'll just blame it on my contacts though... i'm dying inside, that's all there is to it... I'm out for now, not that anyone cares... even i don't...

Still no sleep or anything but at least i got to hang out with the guy that i like a bit today, which is pretty sweet because i didn't think that i was going to get to spend any time at all with him... i also got to hang out with my friends after school today and i think that i have a clear to stay after tomorrow as well which is totally awesome because then i might get to hang out with them even more, or at least get some actual work done on my research paper... which would be a really good thing... i also got to spend some more time with stan today, which was pretty cool, turns out he goes on my old bus and we actually have a lot more in common than i originally thought, so yeah, stan is cool... but anyways... i'm gonna go for now, i really don't have much else to update on... so yeah... outtie!

I'm so out of it right now... i'm emotionally and physically drained and i just want sleep... actually, i just want a nice sound sleep with no dreams or anything and chances are very likely that i will not get any at all so i curse my sleeping loves... eternal yes, but sleep all the same and it's getting to the point where i'm ready to join them... don't worry, i'm definitely not... anyways... i'm bored and i want to just hang out and chill with my friends and i'm so sick of comming home, i want to spend more time with my friends, sleeping over their houses and hanging out with them... and idk... i just wish my grades were better... anyways... again... idk... I'm outtie for now, i'll update later...

Ok, so, all of my friends are suppose to come over tomorrow, or at least that's what sara and i planned anyways... she said she would give everybody rides and bring them over here so that we can all hang out and make cookies and brownies and pizza using my new stove (the old one kind of caught on fire) but yeah... it should be really fun, i can't wait, i'm bored out of my skull right now... i also want to see the guy that i like... and everyone gets to play DDR and watch movies and everything... i should probably run it by my mom but i'm not entirely sure how to get her to let me do such a thing so i figure i should start on my economics research paper and at least pick out a topic and that way it seems like i'm doing work and shit, i'll probably get it done sometime during the week when i have extra time and get bored enough or just have one of those motivated days i guess... i don't know, if i hang out with my friends that usually gets me energized and then i should be able to sit down and actually do a research paper... i'll need to stay after some day and go to the library as well or get sara to drive me home and stop off at the library on the way, which will be good because i have a book that is way oevr due that i should really get around to returning... but yeah... anyways... that's all for now, i'm gonna go work on my paper and see if i can actually accomplish anything...

Ok, so as predicted and pretty much planned for, i was caught at Brandi's house, oh well, no big deal, my mom went all "i've lost some of my trust in you" but i can handle that for a while, if my grades go up enough, which they should, then i'll have it back and what's more, i'll be ungrounded as well... anyways, in my opinion, spending time with my friends, even only a few hours, will always be worth it... though i do feel a little badly that i didn't leave any lights on at my house for Moose (my dog) but she just curled up and went to sleep anyways, so it wasn't horrible, and i'll remember next time... As for figuring out how to approach the guy that i have feelings for, i'm still at a total loss, and could really use some help... and as for getting my grades up, i just need to get that economics research paper out of the way before x-mas vacation... then i'll probably spend most of my x-mas vacation working on college applications... i think i'm going to need the summer off to work out living arrangments anyways, so why bother with early applications, besides, i want to know that the college wants me and not just that i beat getting my application in and that's the only reason i got a spot... either way, i need time to figure things out, so, i'm going to take it, and enjoy as much time as i can with my friends... everyone elses schedule is so busy that we all hardly get to see each other and it really bums me out bacause it's like, they know that we don't all have a lot of time left together and yet they seem more worried about planning for an uncertain future... oh well, at least if i get ungrounded i can spend more time with my friends worrying about the future and maybe actually planning my own future as well... but for now, i have no motivation at all and i couldn't really care less...

So, i've made it successfully to Brandi's house for Thanksgiving and my parents are still away at my aunts house... i'm probably going to get into SO much trouble for this but at least i get to spend the day with with some of my firends... anyways... *sigh* i need help, i need total girl advice and i have no idea where to get it from and... ugh... i need a girly girl for a friend, one that i can trust and that will listen about my stupid guy problems... i still have no idea how to approach the guy that i like and i just wish that he would make the first move or something and let me know if he has any feelings for me, which i think that he might but... yeah... anyways, i'm gonna go for now... love me....

So, it appears that I am grounded with no hope of getting off this semester but at least I think i can get my family out of the house for Thanksgiving, and maybe even spend the night over at my aunts house so that i can go over Brabdi's and hang out with everyone there... that would be awesome. *sigh* I don't have much to write about today, i was planning on using this to gush about the guy that I like but I'm worried that he probably reads this or worse other people do and i really don't want anyone to know, i've told like 3 people already, i know i can trust them not to talk though i do regret it a little bit... Oh well... i just wish that he would make a move or something, or... idk, i just love hanging out with him, like when it's just us i can talk about anythinng and everything... except boys and stuff like that but yeah... idk, i just wish that i could hang out with him more often than i get to, and now that i'm grounded i'm going to be seeing less of him and all of my friends too, which sucks, i need my friends... oh well though, i'll figure out a way through it til next semester... i mean, i still get to see everybody in school and we could all skip out again sometimes... idk... whatever... outtie for now

So, today was pretty good, i skipped school, rescued a baby bird, got to hang out with my friends, see the new Harry Potter movie, and found out that Mt. Dew has an energy drink, which is awesome by the way... The guy that i like showed a sort of sign that he may like me back and that makes me feel a bit better about liking him and I talked with the person who i think i can trust to not only listen when i need to talk but to help me out if need be and she was really cool about it, which i think makes are friendship a bit stronger... So, basically, besides the fact that i haven't slept in five days (I should really get some tonight) i'm doing really well, except that i have to make up a test in Rds. Am. Lit. now, and i still have to make up the test that i missed in economics, which is going to be hard because i lied to my mom and told her that i was staying after school for that today so that i had more time at the movies, but w/e, i'll probably fail that class anyways... actually if i make up that test and do really well on it and then get this stupid research paper done before Christmas break (so i get the 5 bonus points) then i might actually be able to pass... it's going to be pretty hard though... oh well, i'm still really glad that i took the day off to hang with my friends... i need them, they're what keeps me sane...

Okay, so I'm finally starting to admit, to myself at least, and possibly one or two other people that i hardly ever see but know that i can trust (which is extremelly rare with me by the way), that i am most definitely starting to fall for this boy... i see him all of the time and when he's not there i want him to be there and... idk, i just doubt that he would ever see me above everyone else that he could have, which is pretty much any girl he wants that isn't taken... but yeah, anyways... i'm sort of, out of sorts, lol, wow, that was lame... I just wish that he would notice me, give me some sort of sign or something that he maybe kind of likes me back at all... ugh!!! like that'll ever happen... oh well, i'll go sit down and talk it out with a certain person that i think will be able to help me, but i don't feel ready just yet... hopefully i will soon...

I am starting to fall for this guy, and i see him all the time, but i doubt that he really sees me... and it's depressing sort of... but then i don't know if i want him to see me afterall... ugh!!! I'm so confused, i can't even admit if i like the kid that way and... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *SIGH* well, idk, i'm outtie for now, i just needed to vent real quick...

Okay, so i've been getting so pissed off with the fucking pop-up blockers on my comp. and i can never seem to get around them when i want to and so i finally just cracked into the computer and made my account a computer addminitrator so i could get rid of the pop-up blocker that keeps getting in my way and officially instal AIM, so now, i don't need aim express anymore... *sigh* i feel mcuh better, now if only some of my friends were on to celebrate with me... That's about all for the moment... i'll update soon...

Hey, so i'm feeling a lot better today, my weekend was pretty good though thinking back on it, it feels like it just flew by... then again there were a few moments that lasted a little long, but whatever... That's about all i feel like putting for now and i honestly can't really think of anything else to put up here at the moment, so i'm outtie for now, but i'll post more whenever...