So last night i got into a gnarly fight with my bf..... he just always sounds like he doesnt care about me. He never wants to come see me and he says he doest trust me anymore. He says things have gone too far and it is time to end things he is still mad at me for doing coke with my friends i am still mad at him for never caring. I dont want to stay if things are always going to be like this
Today was a confusing day.I wanted to stay home for the protests for provosision hr337 but my mom made me go to school because im soo far behind in credits. I went to school and talked to my teacher all throught out the day and this boy i have thing for was there too.I walked home for lunch I was suppose to go have lunch with matt but He got out of school at 1215 and I got home at 1230 so I missed having lunch with him. That sucked he got all pissed off at me because he thought i had stayed at home and just ditched him,hes crazy i dont know about anything between me and him...
SO yesterday was one of the best fucking days of my life. I went downtown with mackenzie my whole mindset was if its meant to be, let it be!!! soo yeah i got invited to a fucking party a block away from my house and i went to that with rubi.We had to sneak out my mom actually knew but my dad didnt soo i dunno it was fun!!! we walked over there and they had loud music and lights and a whole bunch of little wanksters it was all good though some of them were hott, we took shots and rubi got fucked up but i didnt i couldnt come home all crunk. soo i was just a bit faded and of course i had alot more courage and i talked to these guys and i danced to rap music with them lol it was soo much fun, we left and rubi needed to throw up so she was sick all the way home and we got to my house and she passed out and i couldnt sleep .... it was a fucking BOMB party though its nice to party once in a while
Shiyat school starts tomorrow and i just want to be left alone .bitches.
I walk into my room and close the door behind me.Walk over to my window open the curtains to let some light in hopes of brightning up my day a bit, at least literally. I sit in my chair across my mirror and i look into my eyes and see loneliness. I look away because i can just feel the tears seeping, i close my eyes and i let my mind go free,i let it go to a place in my mind where there is only me.Me and my decisions, i hate this place im not proud of any of the decisions i make, in this place i tear myself apart. I think about everything i would have, could have done better but for some reason or another I didnt. I indulge in my guilty pleasure of tearing myself apart almost every day.
no one fucking cares, how freaking great is life no one cares about anyone