omg this is are rare as it gets! damn im not gunna rable about how shitty my life is when its been as bad as it could possibly get. but im listening to the band that makes me the happiest!!!!!!!!! COCK SPARRER!!!!!!!!!!! luv ya bith

What am i doing so wrong? i really cant understand i thought when somehting bad happens 2 good things happen in return what the fuck when do i get it????? today i had to walk all the way home my mom said she would leave the side door unlocked which i had a feeling she would forget soo gess what ya she did, so i had to sit out side for how long? yeah 2 fuckin hours then she yells at me and says i do nothing and i do the fuckin dishes cause they pile up after 2 fuckin days.. oh and i have to start going to church i told her u cant push ur views on me its just not fair but nope i have to go. why amd i being so fucking tortured? Life is Abuse.

Are you truley there for me? i feel alone and i cant take it No. you cant go to Denver. No. you cant go to California. [NO you cant be happy] no you cant do this. and no you cant do that no.no.no.no.no.no.no.non.noo.no.no.no i cant take it anymore the room i mean laundry room [same] i cant take the constant pregnate bitchyness for no reason everyone just walking in not talking to everyone anymore its ok put her in a room dont forget to lock it shell turn out fine Dont you worry. [Life's Abuse]. should you be worried? the answer is... YES.

fuck everything u think you know. it will always come back and bite you in the ass. i miss everything my life, being happy, my friends my dog. Complaining about going to Ventura High, and moving Sana Paula. im so unhappy worse things just keep happening. when is my break? when do I get one besideds everyone around me? im gunna bitch til im fuckin happy got it? Life IS Fucking Abuse!!!!

Fuckin a! wellgot nothin else to do with my time so here i am gulty writing in this shit that everyone else doesnt have time for. well fuck. i am living at my moms right now and of corse im not gunna say its a fuckin picnic or anything its horible my mom ends up getting pregnate while Landon was visiting he was here for almost 3 weeks which was great at times but i am not sure if i really really like him but i dont want him to bum out. but fuck its hard him being there and me here and making sure everythings ok and plus i dont get to talk to him sum days and it pisses me off he doesnt have a place to live he goes from friends to friend to sum times siters of moms and ddinty finish highschool and he doesnt have a job and he sits there and ocmplains about it and i cant fucking take it. and i just tell him all the shit he could do and he just talks but never does it and that makes me so fucking mad i coudl scream. but i miss sleeping next to him and in the middle of the night waking him up because i had a bad dream. or our amazing sex!!!!!!!!!!!! and it was cute id be sleeping and if he woke up in the middle of the night hed kiss me on my cheek or lips. and cuddling and i miss all that though its a great fealing. and we plan on moving into gether when i get back if we both have money to which i can see now us not but sumthin to look forward to. and my dad he doesnt give a shit at all at first i said i would never talk to him then i realized ok thats not gunna make him decide to take care of me again so i called him everynight being so nice and then he never ever called me not once he told my mom to even call him on MY fuckign birthday its bullshit i can see how much he suposibly cares about me. to much shit going on and i started geyttin anxiety and fuck just shoot me and its been like fuckin 2 degreese and shit im from fucking california i am not used to that shit nor do i plan on getting used to it. fuck i complain alot. but im just really bummbed out and depressed these days.

been a long time huuuuh. yah well ive been up to no good anyways... umm whats new well i have 190 hours more to work off at my dads shop and counting. we are also in the process of moving now boxes r even packet. which is really fucking shitty im bummin alot well ive really stressed cause of all of it to its gunna be way to hard to live in SP with no car or anything!!!! not like my fuckin dad cares though. prolly cause i fucked up so much well today my grandma told me to go live wiht my mom and last night my dad told me i was an incovinence thanks everyone u help a hole fuckin hell of alot. a big FUCKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!! damn im all issued out huh yah i got my tatoo its cool im siked and i want another all bad theyt r fuckin addicting! dayyum no my dad doesnt know but im sure it will be harder then i think to keep hidden for a hoel nother year ill be under his horrible rules and house. fuck i promised myself the first fuckin day of being 18 im moving out but unfortuenetly i have not one idea as to where i will be living. i need to start saving but i spend all my money on alcohol weed and coke. fuckin up! and shwos and going on trips. dmn i dunno why i cant save mvoing out is so much more important. well im gunna go not like im working or anyuthing hahaha. SMASH THE STATE!

whad up hoo. dude i havnt written in like a brutal ass amount of time ive had a good couple of past weeks til the end and shit. well i had a really fn weekend when i went to this show at that new place skate punk which probaly isnt having more show and yah that was funt hen i went to this party at christinas house and got reallly fuckin drunk and yeah ryan was there. hes so cute god damn.haha yeah then the next night and shit i went to simi vcally dammmmn it was fun first we went to this show at fuckin the harmony sweet and shit and omg it was sooooooo badddd i got fuckin booze it at the bar n shit and i was drinkin the bEST OF THE BEST! beer omg it was so good and allllllll freeeeeeee.! yay and yah it was all bad and then we went to this guys mantion after the show and drank more beer i didnt have much hard alc. this wewekend it was a beer one fer sure. waaay down fer the beer and shit, u know how i do not haha. and he gave me free coke and ryan was lal tellin everyone i got brute with him for it but i didnt and he tried to buy sum but the guy said no ahahhahaha BUMMMMMMMMMBED for sure hhhha. yewah i had fun and the next day we were stranded and ryan didnt drive his car there and then me him and chin and steveo took the train back ti was random! i havnt talken the train in years. im fuckin hiiiiiiii as fuck with alicia at my house and shit i have some weekends fromt he past times. em came down and vist lasdt weekend and we went to fuckin dc at the undergroudn and got wasted then me and a couple people went bakc to jers and got fucked up me and jasmin were so wasted holy shitcalling the fuckin pool at jers. the fuckin enemy. i dont know what i was syaing but im hi goodnight

Before school. Im bored. Monique lags so yah i am writing in this bad boy..... well its Wednesday, 2 more days ooooooohhhh shit!!!!!!! this weekend :::::: i am going to see funeral dress on FRIDAY at the show case i dotn have to take the train any more with jeremy to san deigo and then go to the show case wiht em. .....instead cristys taking me. then that night we r stayin in the Hotel and then SATURDAY UK SUBS!!!!!!! ohhhhh shiiiit haha.and maybe go to adicts at the house of blues on sunday. i really wanna but i donthave a tick or ride fer that. this weekend was all bad though, on Friday:: me al and jer and hen and mims went to eddies to booze got all faded with him and his cuz and alan then we stayed at my house and yeah i got soooo fuckedup wow. i couldnt talk and shit and yah i just know i had fun and then pasted the FUCK OUTTTT. HAHA Sathurday:: eddies 50's Party ohhh shiiiit. yeah i was extreamely drunk bought 3 bottles one i only remeber which was the FIRST ONE. yeah then came back here with people i guess i want in the jackuzi and i dont remeber that! anywyas then i had strep but im ok now. late

I am at home right now. me and rachel r haning , fool im fuckin high. anyways schools good i have 5 periods only and fuckin i got droped from a class thats the only part that sucks, and i left ALL my cds and $50 worth of stuff on the bus i was sooo bumbed and my freakin bus pass. FUCKING UP! this weekend was pretty fun iw as pretty fun. the show was ok i was really wasted and i randomly bought random ass beer and drank it and i got all drunk and then went to Rachels party and it was fun i tried to dress up nice ... well yeah i dunno.

well what can i say i pretty stoked on whats been goin on. right now i dont hink i could feel more like shit though, im coming down i knew i shouldnt have been tweaking again but i dunno i just wanna do it and then i feel like shit i dunno why i get the worst come downs ever. but what ever im over it. i know i always say that but fuck i feel so sick all i have been doing is laying in bed and blazin it.i didnt go to school at all ew nooo way. LAST NIGHT : Ryan, Brady, and Mims were over it was so much fuckin fun wow. we got like 2 bottles of whiskey got really drunk did stupid drugs and just hung in my room listening to music all night until morning we didnt go to sleep of corse,wne tin the jacuzi wich was really nice and relaxing. NO this time me and mims didnt go to the door when the pizza man came and mims have only her hand coving her boobs and chonies and me in a brall and town answer. hahahaha. and in the morning i went out side and watched the sun come up smokin a cig and drinkin whiskey it was an awsome feeling... dude all tweaker status i went out at like uh 6 am or so and stole like 3 neighbors papers cause they were different kinds and i wanted to rea dmy horiscope all bad. RANDOM! hahah. well thats a bout it. i still like ryan alot too. yuuup. nothin else i guess i dont want to share Everything.

whadd up... im fuckin bored listenin to Los Rateros. yeah so my dads going out of town tomorrow.... IM NOT HAVING PARTY ahaha . if i am good i get to start driving again and that means more then some dumb party i wont even have fun at cause id be so sketchy about. this weekends gunna be fun though i might go to this protest, on saturday and then im goign to some formal party its gunna be RANDOM! yeahh. i got 2 new fishies... their names are marry and velvet. theres a white one and an orange one. i hope thye live as long as my other ones ill be happy! well i guess im gunna go now. laaaaaatttttte

alright so today again didnt go to class god im fucking up i ditch way to much. but anyways tomorrow is the big show pretty stoked and gunna get fuckin brewed. me and kay hung today and went thrift store shopping and i left what i bought in the sotre and then it closed i was really fucking bummbed out! anyways... im excited to get free shirts from brady i need some since like all mine dissapeared and flew out of my car during the accident, oh yeah i got my liscense ID in the mail finnally its soooo haged ha. well late

Im at home. watchin some random movie.. school was ok im bored of it though, i want a fuckin boyfriend. mostley Ryan ahha. goddd way to siked on him huuuh? im excited for the show its gunna be baddd. were gunna get all brewed and shit ! Emily is leaving soon im bummbed my dads gunna let me go to her thing on Friday i think gunna get fadedddd. haha . Blink182 is cool, mims got me into them as random as that is i know . but whatever. Love, BT

" What went wrong ...Cause u said it was right..... YOU FUCKED UP MY LIFE" -Blink182 (yayayayay) yeaterday was em's house. it was pretty fun i was super duperie wasted and i liked it! ryan ended up going i was stoked haha as usual. me and kayci took a bunch of random pics it was funny. it was sick mike puked in our tent cause we slept out side and yah it was gross waking up smelling that and seeing ryans big white ass in my face hahaha. me ryan mike and chris got lost 09859302598 times from emilys house cause we left all early i was sooo fucking high and it was funny and i started boozin when i woke up and shit. i didnt get any sleep that night, i think its cause i was sleepin next to ryan i hate sleepin by somone u like so fuckin u dont get sleep/ yaaa anyways i WAS gunna go and see fucking DEAD PREZ AND KRS ONE TONIGHT! butttt noooooo it fuckin sold out i was seriously gunna be so stoked on my life. im done. bye

yessss. tomorrow i officaially going to emilys, shes havin a partay and im pretty freakin stoked on life gunna get way brutally wasted and not give a fuck. one more week til i see ryan i like really cant wait woaaa. yay. uhh yah i wish all my friends still wrote in their little diaries so we coudl all do that again guess everyones too cool now. or focus on one main. the spacester. haahhaha im funny i know.

wow i dunno what came over me. i wanted to update my sit. but i didnt seem to remember my password for shit. oh well new ones are always fun right?? well here i am... dont really got much to say. im online bored its 12-30 i have school tomrrow i cant sleep. got people on my mind. got other things going threw my head. im not focuesed. its hard for me if u know what i mean... theres a boy i like him alot in fact he makes me fucking crazy and he just dont know it. gahhh im tired of thinking about him. lucky guy to have someone thinking of him as much as i do. hum