i love you for being honest with me, always. i love you for always telling me that you like this or that about me. i love you for all the wonderful things you say to me about the future. i love you for the way you scrunch your nose when i kiss your cheek. i love you for understanding me. i love you for your sense of humor. i love you for smiling at me every time you look at me. i love your eyes. i love you for your dirty clothes you wear. i love you for your contageous laugh. i could go on and on.. the point is: i love you. always.

my skin is my canvas and you are my inspiration.

Did you beat me because you loved me, or was I bruised out of disgust? I fear your dissapointment in me for not comparing to her. There is no similarity or resemblence, down to the letter. I am but a young girl. I'm oh so delicate, and needing of your tough love. I bear your marks of love, or perhaps just primitive instinct. You can't rape the willing body true enough, but the willing spirit shortly thereafter wilts to wounded.

did i ever tell you how much this was killing me.

the truth is..my weakness is you.

just choke it down. don't worry baby it will be easy. erhm so today.. work sucked. rob gave me a ride home. this girl michelle keeps telling me we'd make a cute couple but yah he has a girlfriend and im not really into him anymore. sometimes i wish i could just disappear. i need to be forgotten. i wish you would notice me.

its not about fearing today its about fearing what tomorrow will bring. *cough* loser. sometimes i have wondered..well alot i have wondered..if i was more like someone else or looked like someone else..people would like me more. or maybe i wouldnt be so repulsive...

i feel as if i just got hit in the face. i can't believe you could speak those words.. "your nothing but a piece of shit, a horrible person, you dont deserve anything." it was you that i'd least expect this from.

i choose not to care for anything anymore. because really what is the point people who care always end up getting hurt. and really what is caring for...theres no purpose. this is going to be hard.

But if it makes any difference at all, you have the deepest eyes I've ever seen. And you were the only one who could ever make me feel that beautiful.

your a fucking waste of time. your not worth anyones time. fuck you. i fucking hate you. i need to stop talking to myself. your okayy.

im okay. yah. im okayy. damn it. im okay. right?

baby allow me to wipe your eyes. i'll always be there for you. we will make it. just stick with me. i care about you.. mmm...not too many people. again i need to stop talking to myself.

it's been years, you know. it's been years since your gentle face lay beneath my fingertips. years since you held me. it's been years since we fell asleep in eachother's arms. fucking years since we've made eye contact. years.. i don't remember your smell. i don't remember your taste, or how it felt to have your hands around my waist. i don't remember most of what was said.. i remember our goodbye.

the screaming in my head just doesn't seem to stop.

so this is what your life has come to be. a meaningless tragedy. so fuck yourself over and over again. starve yourself of the affection you deserve. make the same old hook ups and never tie those loose ends. fuck everyone else around. just stop. time just stops for you. erhm..doesnt make much senses.

your invisible shadow paints phantom dreams on my wall and freezing tears burn my cheeks it's these moments when i wish i had kept my heart in its cage and it's these moments that i hate myself for loving you can't i stop? won't i stop? please help me i can't help myself any more [any more.. any more.. any more..] and i want to close my eyes to the relfection of a whore [whore.. whore.. whore..] but the feeling of the body i hate still lingers and the world spins without me to catch up i miss you i miss you k that sucks. i wrote it off the top of my head. aahhhh. i hate my writing.

it's december again. things are so different now. do you remember last year..i do. i'll never forget.

o but you are a whore. look at yourself. your a mess.

eyes bleed with the tears you've caused. the memories were thrown away burned till every last one was gone. the ashes. a small pile but still meant something at one time. your done. your out of thought. you don't care though. you never fucking cared for that last glance back.