This week hasn't been very good. I've had lots of discussions with Christine, on the more serious side of things, as well as lots of arguing with my parents, et al., plus I have a project due Monday and lots of school stuff on my mind.... You know, it's true that life's a rollercoaster...it's like...one minute you love every minute of your life and you can't imagine yourself being any happier, and you're perfectly content with your existence...and then something happens and turns that around, and I end up becoming a really pensive kid who gets pissed off at everybody and everything, and I always end up putting my foot in my mouth over the stuff I say to people. Sometimes I don't even mean it. It's like...my words are just the product of chemicals in my brain reacting with each other, which, as a result, causes me to feel different than my usual - and hence lowering my levels of choices, consequence, and saying rational and doing rational things...and yeah, my sentence structure sucks right now but I don't really feel like rereading this... I don't know what to say right now. Everything's different than it used to be. And yet nothing's changed. Logically speaking, something HAD to have changed, otherwise it wouldn't be this way...but if nothing is evident, then it has to be some really small subconscious splinter in my mind that has managed to wedge itself so deeply that all traces of its existence manifest as a seemingly naturally-ocurring emotion. Then there's the non-scientific approach...just saying that I act the way I act when I feel like it...which is really open-ended....because in actuality, we DO have chemicals in our brain, which DO influence our choices, which DO shape who we are...so theoretically there's no such thing as being "who we are" in a sense; we are merely fuctioning as the visible and interactive answer to a chemical question formed unconsciously by our brains. Our personality is simply the result of an equation. A number of reactions. Yeah, I'm feeling deep right now, but I can't talk to anybody about it. I just don't understand people sometimes. I don't understand why people make big deals of things. Or little deals of things. I don't understand why people live off of a clock, when in fact time is just another form of measurement...people don't live their life on other forms of measurement...why should time be an exception? Life happens. People can be the best and worst thing to happen to you. I sometimes wish I could take back something I said, or something I thought, or something I did...because some people don't take anything as the reason I intended it. But yeah...these wishes are not new wishes on the face of the earth, and I'm sure I'm just one of the many numbers of people who want these things....but we all know, we cannot move backwards in our lives. We only move forward, at a constant and steady pace. But only sometimes do we want to move forward. -brady